Paco Dennis
SF VIP
- Location
- Mid-Missouri
While falling asleep this evening I remembered something that happened in my past. It was very similar to this story of Apollo.
"Apollo was among the most beautiful and virtuous of all the gods. He was an amazing athlete. He had the gift of prophecy. He was a poet and a musician.
One of his favorite lovers was a mortal, a handsome prince named Hyacinth. One day they were playing in the fields and Apollo’s discus veered off course and hit Hyacinth in the head. Apollo ran to him and tried to save him, but he couldn’t. And Hyacinth died in his arms."
It hurts to hurt someone
The difference was it was my girlfriend/wife, hard thrown softball, direct hit to the left eye.
So, I lay there wondering how to describe the HORRIBLE feeling after it happened. I could not find the words. I thought of horror, deep remorse, shock, very sad, and helpless and a combination of all of those feelings mixed together.
Here is a professionals take on this phenomena:
"It hurts to hurt someone. When we wound another person without meaning to, whether those wounds are emotional or physical, we feel wounded as well
Psychologists and clergy use the term “moral injury” to describe the distress that we feel when our behavior fails to live up to our moral standards. And because most of us do fall short on occasion, most of us are familiar with that churning combination of guilt and shame and self-condemnation with a big hefty dose of defensiveness thrown in.
The worst part of moral injury, though, is the loneliness. Human beings have an innate need to feel accepted and valued. And when we unintentionally hurt someone, that comfortable sense of belonging that we mostly just take for granted slips. And instead we feel cut off from other people and separate.
This lonely alienation at worst can be nearly immobilizing, and it gets in the way of making peace with the person we hurt, the wider community, and ourselves."
How would you describe the feelings when this has happened to you? If serious enough it can change people's lives in a big way.
"Apollo was among the most beautiful and virtuous of all the gods. He was an amazing athlete. He had the gift of prophecy. He was a poet and a musician.
One of his favorite lovers was a mortal, a handsome prince named Hyacinth. One day they were playing in the fields and Apollo’s discus veered off course and hit Hyacinth in the head. Apollo ran to him and tried to save him, but he couldn’t. And Hyacinth died in his arms."
It hurts to hurt someone
The difference was it was my girlfriend/wife, hard thrown softball, direct hit to the left eye.
So, I lay there wondering how to describe the HORRIBLE feeling after it happened. I could not find the words. I thought of horror, deep remorse, shock, very sad, and helpless and a combination of all of those feelings mixed together.
Here is a professionals take on this phenomena:
"It hurts to hurt someone. When we wound another person without meaning to, whether those wounds are emotional or physical, we feel wounded as well
Psychologists and clergy use the term “moral injury” to describe the distress that we feel when our behavior fails to live up to our moral standards. And because most of us do fall short on occasion, most of us are familiar with that churning combination of guilt and shame and self-condemnation with a big hefty dose of defensiveness thrown in.
The worst part of moral injury, though, is the loneliness. Human beings have an innate need to feel accepted and valued. And when we unintentionally hurt someone, that comfortable sense of belonging that we mostly just take for granted slips. And instead we feel cut off from other people and separate.
This lonely alienation at worst can be nearly immobilizing, and it gets in the way of making peace with the person we hurt, the wider community, and ourselves."
How would you describe the feelings when this has happened to you? If serious enough it can change people's lives in a big way.
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