Can't Give Away Clothes

debodun

debodun

SF VIP
Location
way upstate in New York, USA
I put two large trash bags of clothes and a bag of shoes in my car to take to church since the pastor visits the city mission from time to time. When I arrived for church I told him I had clothing for the mission.
He said that he wasn't going there for several more weeks. What did I expect him to do, carry the bags from my car to his, unload his car when he got home, leave them in his house for that time, than have to carry them back out to his car?
I asked him, in what I thought was a joking manor, if that was too much for him. I received an emphatic "YES!" and he added not to bring clothing donations until he sent out an email asking for them.
I was mildly hurt by his reaction. Here I thought I was doing a good thing and to so curtly have my donation rejected.
 

IMO you should have accepted his initial response without comment.

If taking them yourself is not practical then I would put them out on trash day.

IMO you have bigger issues to deal with.

Don’t let these little issues derail your progress.
 

Maybe the Pastor was having a bad day. Don’t we all? I’m sure that if he reflects back to your conversation, he may regret his reaction to your question, but too embarrassed to mention it.
 
Aunt Bea said:
IMO you should have accepted his initial response without comment.

If taking them yourself is not practical then I would put them out on trash day.

IMO you have bigger issues to deal with.

Don’t let these little issues derail your progress.
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No way to know how the pastor reacted & probably just me but a normal conversation would sound like this.

The pastor = I won't be going there for several more weeks, please don't bring clothing donations until I send out an email asking for them.
 
debodun said:
I received an emphatic "YES!" and he added not to bring clothing donations until he sent out an email asking for them.
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I wouldn't have lugged the trash bags over there to begin with, if it was common for him to first request these donations via email. Seems reasonable to me. Expecting him to store them for you until he was going to the mission is not reasonable, in my opinion. Deb, you shouldn't feel hurt by his reaction.
 
I don't know if your charity shops do the same as ours, if they are given clean clothing which can't or won't be sold for any reason.. they will sell it as ''rags''... to be recycled ...
 
debodun said:
I had sent him an email earlier in the week asking if I should bring them and he green-lighted it. I guess that's why I was surprised by he vehement turn-down.
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Oh, I guess if you two interacted already via email, and he expected you to bring them in on the day you did, then there should have been no problem. Did you remind him of what he said in the email?
 
I have a bunch of stuff to donate to Habitat to Humanity, none of it clothing. One of the items is the large chandelier I had taken down from my dining room (and replaced with a smaller, more appropriate hanging lamp). My son and I are planning to bring the stuff over there Wednesday. After reading your note, I'm going to call them first and make sure they are accepting donations.
 
Nathan said:
Sounds like your "joking" was more like sarcasm, and he reacted to your comment as such.
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True & since the pastor can't comment on what took place all we have to go on is one side of the story. I don't remember, has Deb complained about interaction with others?
 
Jules said:
No matter if there are two sides to this conversation, the pastor had agreed that he would accept these donations. He’s a leader, he should know how to respond in a civil manner.
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And you know this personally & can verify it?

Without the pastors input accepting only what you have read is limiting the input to one side. Posting online I could accuse anyone of whatever I felt like accusing them of. They wouldn't know it & couldn't defend themselves. I could even make up a story post it here and claim it was from the person I accused. Or this.

Pastor George @ Gmail.com
Jules@ Senior Forums

Sun, Jul 19 at 2:24 PM

Hi Jules

I just wanted to email you that the books promised aren't going to be delivered until Friday. Thanks for your patience.
 
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In my area, there are large metal “drop boxes” where one can put bagged donations of clothing and shoes. The trouble is that too many use these boxes as garbage dumps for their soiled mattresses, junk furniture, dead electronics, and other delectable items as well. Some boxes have been removed as a result, while others have warning signs posted or even security cameras installed to discourage dumping, which still goes on despite this...
 
Recently I saw this article saying someone dropped off "a small table missing a leg, cracked purple food-storage containers and a used sponge.
"Along with simply being gross, these items cost Goodwill money.
"All this trash adds up to more than $1 million a year in a trash bill, and it's been growing every year for the past five years, says Heather Steeves, Goodwill spokesperson. And that's just for the 30 stores she oversees.
"Goodwill does recycle lots of what it can't sell. The nonprofit reuses textiles and refurbishes some broken electronics. But last year, it threw away more than 13 million pounds of waste — technically other people's garbage
"She adds that the key question to ask before dropping something off is: If you needed it, would you buy it in this condition?
'If you wouldn't give it to your judgmental mother-in-law, don't donate it.'"
https://www.npr.org/2021/05/06/993821945/goodwill-doesnt-want-your-broken-toaster
 
Well that's a little disheartening. I'd take them someplace else.

For a time our thrift store that funds spay and neuter wasn't taking clothes. I heard the volunteers telling people such. The only thing is, in the future someone could just decide 'well heck with this place then' and go someplace else. Even with a surplus, do a 25 cents each. Those clothes will move.

I stay in contact with the woman who started this thrift store (she doesn't have any involvement any more) and wrote to her via facebook. She mentioned how grateful they were for every donation and I remember they once had a name your own price section. She also clued me into who is running it now: Retired woman from the college. I think there is a bit of a clique and I wonder if any of them know what it's like to rely on thrift stores for items, including clothes.
 
Most of the so-called "thrift" stores around here will only accpet clothing if it's in perfect condition. I remember when I was doing my aunt's estate, she had top-of-the-line designer clothes. I took a carload to 2 different thrift stores. The first only took 2 garments. The other didn't want any. I pointed out a beautiful jacket that was a Bob Mackey and the manager just shrugged and said it wasn't acceptable because there was a thread stiking out of the shoulder seam.
 
debodun said:
I put two large trash bags of clothes and a bag of shoes in my car to take to church since the pastor visits the city mission from time to time. When I arrived for church I told him I had clothing for the mission.
He said that he wasn't going there for several more weeks. What did I expect him to do, carry the bags from my car to his, unload his car when he got home, leave them in his house for that time, than have to carry them back out to his car?
I asked him, in what I thought was a joking manor, if that was too much for him. I received an emphatic "YES!" and he added not to bring clothing donations until he sent out an email asking for them.
I was mildly hurt by his reaction. Here I thought I was doing a good thing and to so curtly have my donation rejected.
Click to expand...
Perhaps the pastor was having personal issues that he inadvertently allowed to get the best of him. He just might come back and apologize for his abruptness. Is this unusual behavior from him? That might help you understand why he reacted as he did...best not to take it personally. If he was indeed rude that is not your problem..you only wanted to help others...
 

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