Conversations with my husband, yes, he really says stuff like this, and my various mishaps

katlupe said:
When I left I had taken my name off all the joint credit cards and his name off two of mine. I opened my own bank account for my social security check to be direct deposited in. I only was getting $400. plus had to pay $134. out of that for Medicare part B. He did not want me to sign up for it. He didn't need it himself because he uses the VA for health care. After I left I was able to remove my name from his account but had to sign a paper and he had to sign it too. Never had to close it but it is a credit union.

Mine would have been fair, he just didn't have anything to give me. He did however, help me move out which took weeks.

Sounds like you have things under control. Now just heal and hopefully enjoy your new place.
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I remind myself, frequently, what he said and what he did. He is trying to pretend that none of it happened, but it did. I will never let my guard down again as I now know that he is just “faking it”. He wants our relationship to return to our “normal”, but that will not happen.

I am very cautious. Yes, we stay together for finances and other reason which prevent us from having two households, but I am no longer under the illusion that he cares for me at all. I will learn not to care for him. But, like two distance roommates, we can make it work because it has to work. I appreciate your concern and suggestions.

You are a much stronger woman than I will ever be. @katlupe
 

Aneeda72 said:
I remind myself, frequently, what he said and what he did. He is trying to pretend that none of it happened, but it did. I will never let my guard down again as I now know that he is just “faking it”. He wants our relationship to return to our “normal”, but that will not happen.

I am very cautious. Yes, we stay together for finances and other reason which prevent us from having two households, but I am no longer under the illusion that he cares for me at all. I will learn not to care for him. But, like two distance roommates, we can make it work because it has to work. I appreciate your concern and suggestions.

You are a much stronger woman than I will ever be. @katlupe
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Thank you, but I wasn't always strong. Actually, meeting Sonny online is what helped me make the move. Before that I had no one to talk to or get help from. I didn't even have transportation to go somewhere to find help. I kept a journal though and when I was in the process of leaving he acted completely different trying to get me to stay. I would read what I had written and say nope. He told me I should throw that journal away and stop looking at it.
 
Men may see things differently but that does not make them right. Nor does that mean that women have to put up with pretended ignorance. My husband, when we were first married, used to throw his underwear on the floor. I told him, several times, I was not his mother and to pick up after himself. He did not.

So I picked his underwear up, and threw it away. Course he ran out and asked where I put his clean underwear. 😂. I replied that since he threw it on the floor, I assumed it was trash, and threw it away. Lesson learned.
 
Sliverfox said:
Aneeda,, by now you should realize men See things Differently than women.
What we think is a big deal, example is a neat house with everything in its place.

Men throw down clothes, tools, newspapers ,letters where ever then expect them to be there when they need them.
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except my husband and I are polar opposites...my o/h is a neat freak.. I'm messy.. I'll leave papers, and stationary.. and pens on my desk.. a cardigan on the sofa.. and my specs.. etc... all day long and not clear up till late in the day .... I don't make my bed until it's been aired a few hours...

My o/h makes his bed before he leaves for work at 5.30am... and everything in his closet and his office is as neat as a pin :LOL:
 
hollydolly said:
except my husband and I are polar opposites...my o/h is a neat freak.. I'm messy.. I'll leave papers, and stationary.. and pens on my desk.. a cardigan on the sofa.. and my specs.. etc... all day long and not clear up till late in the day .... I don't make my bed until it's been aired a few hours...

My o/h makes his bed before he leaves for work at 5.30am... and everything in his closet and his office is as neat as a pin :LOL:
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Well, if you throw your underwear on the floor and leave it, remind me not to visit 😂
 
Anyhow all my pictures have been rescued 😊

Husband, in true jerk form, put two containers of my framed pictures of OUR children in the small storage off the patio of our apartment. I had asked him to check out there to see if he had done this. He did, said they were not there. He lied, of course. Just to upset me, which he likes to do.

Yesterday, after searching the entire house and the rented storage area, I again asked him was he sure he did not put those containers in that small storage area. He said I’ll check again. I asked from the door way were the containers were out there. No reply. He was out there a while so I went to see what he was doing.

He had open a see through container which, yup, had the framed pictures in it. I asked him why he had lied about knowing the pictures were out there. He just started at me. 😡. Anyway, most of my pictures were now recovered, but some were still missing. Another search of the apartment revealed that he had shoved a container of pictures far under my bed. 🤬. Now I have them all. 😃
 
Aneeda, seriously now.. are you sure he lied?.. you know your husband very well of course, but my o/h is the worlds' worst at not seeing things directly in front of his face and will swear up and down somethings' not there when it clearly is, but he just doesn't look properly .. :rolleyes:

but if your husband is just lying and knowing he's making extra work for himself.. do you think he might be ill ?
 
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I agree with Holly about husbands not seeing something that is in plain sight.
A week doesn't pass that I don' t hear,,"Have you seen my wallet?'
It is usually under papers on his desk.

I can' t point fingers because I'm supposed to know where ALL the cards are for cars & trucks.

Couldn't find one for the car his cousin drives.


Cleaning my desk yesterday ,, I found the cards for it.
Of course hubby had to make remark about how I don't keep track of those.
 
Sliverfox said:
Aneeda,, by now you should realize men See things Differently than women.
What we think is a big deal, example is a neat house with everything in its place.

Men throw down clothes, tools, newspapers ,letters where ever then expect them to be there when they need them.
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Not all men. My ex was pretty much as you describe. Ron on the other hand is as neat and fastidious as I am. His closet is organized. He makes the bed, loads and unloads the dishwasher, vacuums at least as often as I do, puts all his dirty clothes IN the hamper, not just the general vicinity etc.
 
Ronni said:
Not all men. My ex was pretty much as you describe. Ron on the other hand is as neat and fastidious as I am. His closet is organized. He makes the bed, loads and unloads the dishwasher, vacuums at least as often as I do, puts all his dirty clothes IN the hamper, not just the general vicinity etc.
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yep I just said that about my own husband ...(y)
 
Aneeda72 said:
I get him up at 6:30 as agreed. We are going shopping, senior hour, at the WinCo. You getting up? Nope, he says, you go. Yup, I say. I rarely drive now. Rarely go anywhere by myself. The reason will become apparent. How do I get there? What street is it on? 7200 south, on the east side. K.

Most of our streets are numbered not named. We live on the west side, at 5400, so easy. After half an hour can’t fine it. Sigh. Finally decide to drive down 7000, cross to 7800 it’s got to be between the two. Nope, its on 7000. I go into WinCo. When I finally get home I say to him you gave me the wrong street. Yup, he says with a smile.

Yup, he does that a lot. He thinks it’s funny 😕. Before I go home, I go to Costco.

I get to Costco, accidentally drop my keys between the seat and the center console. Dang. Get out of the car and move the seat back, reach under to seat to get the keys. Sigh. I fall into the car. I have balance problems. Now I’m stuck. I can’t pull myself up, I have a torn rotator cuff and can’t get my arm into position.

I finally manage to wiggle out a little, one butt cheek (😂) is sitting on the edge of the car. Still stuck, but managed, from this position with sore arm to grab car keys. But can’t get up. No one will help. I am beginning to think I will have to call the paramedics to get my stuck, weak, fat self out of my car so I can buy my son a chicken. Lovely.

Legs recover from the fall and seem stronger, I use my good arm to pull myself up, and I am finally unstuck. Now to get my walker out of the trunk. Omgosh, will spare you that story but was apparently entertaining to several, standing in line people. Finally got to get in line. Employee notices my arm, which is bandaged, and asks if she can put my walker into the grocery cart, so I don’t have to push my walker with one hand and pull the cart with the other.

It took me 20 minutes to get the walker out of my trunk, how could I possibly get it out of a cart. Yup, no thanks.
I explain the situation to my husband when I get home, of falling and being stuck in the car. His response, maybe I should have gone with you? You think?
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This sort of thing is one of the reasons i've been quite content to be without a husband for almost 22 years now. If i can't have partner that gives me the same help and consideration i give him, and who will take responsibility for things that need doing for home/yard---i'm sure not going to have one around creating MORE work for me. i have no doubt there are men that would be real partners in life out there---but at this age most those are happily married. And to solitude loving me it seems like more work than it's worth trying to find a single one. i have some wonderful male friends, most of them married to women i'd be friends with even if hadn't met them thru their hubbys. (Some were in fact---they're in second marriages that began at Eons and i knew both parties there before they got together.)
 
My husband would often hatch a really dumb plan. I would tell him, if you do A, B is bound to happen. He would carry on with his plan and B would happen. Then he'd complain about it. He'd also say it's because I made it happen. Ya I have supernatural powers far above the workings of men.
 
Judycat said:
My husband would often hatch a really dumb plan. I would tell him, if you do A, B is bound to happen. He would carry on with his plan and B would happen. Then he'd complain about it. He'd also say it's because I made it happen. Ya I have supernatural powers far above the workings of men.
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Mine has done that to me too: "I swear; you make some of this stuff happen by worrying about it!" And if I scoff at that, I get that ol' classic, "Oh, I was just kidding! Can't you take a joke?!" I hear that in my sleep at night: "Can't you take a joke? Can't you take a joke?")
 
feywon?i have a little story for ya.......
years ago whilst online in,at that time the first virtual chat room, i was bouncing from one room to another just looking for chat on a subject i liked.finding none i left and went to a fav room..a woman from one of the rooms i had been in came into my current room and we starting chatting.a month later we were still chatting and becoming closer together. I said I had some feelings for her and offered to move to be with her..she wanted me to pay rent and help with the groceries and i agreed. so i moved.........i was in portland oregon and she was in jacksonville florida......she had been married three times before and had two sons..her mother lived nearby and was an overbearing spinster, both had taught school..
for ex mil type moving was no big deal. after the first month i knew it was a big mistake. she had friends on the internet and that is where she spent most of her time...i fixed broken windows,doors, painted trim,painted an entire bedroom for her, repaired a jacuzzi, mowed the lawn,planted flowers,picked and packed fruit from fig trees and grapefruit trees, vacuumed the house, cleaned my bathroom,she did do the laundry and i never left anything lying about...
I installed vertical blinds, removed sliding metal closet doors and installed bifold ones,,mowed her mothers lawn, fixed her mothers screen door, cut down old trees at her mothers....she did have two sons one was a not so good drinker/drug user the other worked for large insurance company,,, after three years and the death of my mother(inheritance that i used to buy my own vehicle) she asked me to leave..
 
cdestroyer said:
feywon?i have a little story for ya.......
years ago whilst online in,at that time the first virtual chat room, i was bouncing from one room to another just looking for chat on a subject i liked.finding none i left and went to a fav room..a woman from one of the rooms i had been in came into my current room and we starting chatting.a month later we were still chatting and becoming closer together. I said I had some feelings for her and offered to move to be with her..she wanted me to pay rent and help with the groceries and i agreed. so i moved.........i was in portland oregon and she was in jacksonville florida......she had been married three times before and had two sons..her mother lived nearby and was an overbearing spinster, both had taught school..
for ex mil type moving was no big deal. after the first month i knew it was a big mistake. she had friends on the internet and that is where she spent most of her time...i fixed broken windows,doors, painted trim,painted an entire bedroom for her, repaired a jacuzzi, mowed the lawn,planted flowers,picked and packed fruit from fig trees and grapefruit trees, vacuumed the house, cleaned my bathroom,she did do the laundry and i never left anything lying about...
I installed vertical blinds, removed sliding metal closet doors and installed bifold ones,,mowed her mothers lawn, fixed her mothers screen door, cut down old trees at her mothers....she did have two sons one was a not so good drinker/drug user the other worked for large insurance company,,, after three years and the death of my mother(inheritance that i used to buy my own vehicle) she asked me to leave..
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Sounds like a similar thing that happened to my late brother with his fifth (and last) wife; he met her online, she talked him into moving to Texas with her, unhappiness and incompatibility ensued and he got divorced and came back here to where he was living when he died. (Found out from my stepgrandniece that he was looking online for wife #6 before he died; poor bro, he had a hard time finding the right one; with his faults, I still miss him.)
 
cdestroyer said:
feywon?i have a little story for ya.......
years ago whilst online in,at that time the first virtual chat room, i was bouncing from one room to another just looking for chat on a subject i liked.finding none i left and went to a fav room..a woman from one of the rooms i had been in came into my current room and we starting chatting.a month later we were still chatting and becoming closer together. I said I had some feelings for her and offered to move to be with her..she wanted me to pay rent and help with the groceries and i agreed. so i moved.........i was in portland oregon and she was in jacksonville florida......she had been married three times before and had two sons..her mother lived nearby and was an overbearing spinster, both had taught school..
for ex mil type moving was no big deal. after the first month i knew it was a big mistake. she had friends on the internet and that is where she spent most of her time...i fixed broken windows,doors, painted trim,painted an entire bedroom for her, repaired a jacuzzi, mowed the lawn,planted flowers,picked and packed fruit from fig trees and grapefruit trees, vacuumed the house, cleaned my bathroom,she did do the laundry and i never left anything lying about...
I installed vertical blinds, removed sliding metal closet doors and installed bifold ones,,mowed her mothers lawn, fixed her mothers screen door, cut down old trees at her mothers....she did have two sons one was a not so good drinker/drug user the other worked for large insurance company,,, after three years and the death of my mother(inheritance that i used to buy my own vehicle) she asked me to leave..
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You were very good to her.
 
hollydolly said:
Aneeda, seriously now.. are you sure he lied?.. you know your husband very well of course, but my o/h is the worlds' worst at not seeing things directly in front of his face and will swear up and down somethings' not there when it clearly is, but he just doesn't look properly .. :rolleyes:

but if your husband is just lying and knowing he's making extra work for himself.. do you think he might be ill ?
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What? Yes, of course I think he is mentally ill and he is pathological liar. When he is standing there, with the box open, going through the pictures it’s hard to claim he didn’t “see” them. Which is different from staring at something and not cognitively recognizing what it is-which is what you are talking about.

He does that as well. I do that, everyone does that at one time or another.
 

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