The Dreams

[senior chef]

When I first saw her, I was knocked for a loop. Wow ! My heart immediately began to beat faster; my breathing became difficult. Luckily for me a mutual friend happen to round the corner at that instant and I grabbed him and said, "Introduce me to her. NOW !"

We hit it off, right off the bat. A year later we were married. Unfortunately, even though she was near perfect in most regards, she had one fatal flaw … unreasoning jealousy. If I was out of her sight, she assumed that some other girl was trying to steal me away from her. In my job, I came in contact with many women. But that certainly did not mean that I was being unfaithful. All I ever wanted was to spend the rest of my life with her.

Unfortunately, after 5 years of marriage, I could no longer take her jealousy and we broke up. I was heart broken. That was 26 years ago. Even though I have dated very many women since then, no other woman ever came close to my lost love.

Problem: I still dream of her. Just an hour ago I woke up from another dream of her. In my dream I started out to have a serious talk with her about the jealousy. BUT, soon I stopped talking about that and I found myself confessing my undying love, holding her in my arms and passionately kissing her. Then I woke up.

Upon awakening, after such dreams, it often takes me several hours to "get back to normal". Jeez, I wish those dreams would stop.

 

[feywon]

They probably won't stop till your feelings for her shift into 'fond memories' of the good times along with clear memories of how her unfounded jealousy pushed you away.

If you still have any contact with her or knew where to reach her, you might want to attempt a conversation about your feelings. She may have realized her mistake, or she may have continued in the same way, alienating others who loved her, but likely telling herself they were cheating.

Thing is very often someone who assumes their partner is cheating without any real signs of it (frequent unexplained 'working late' incidents, another person's perfume or cologne aroma on their parner's clothes, in old days hang up calls that only happen when suspicious partner picks up land line, catching them in lies about where they were, etc) is often a person who cheats. Just as pathological liars assume everyone lies as much they do, cheaters make the most suspicious partners.

 

[Gaer]

Wow! You must be awful good lookin!
Could you show us a picture of you?
Souls can visit other souls in the deep dream state. This is propelled by desire.
You can communicate with anyone in the entire multiverse.
Maybe she wants to be with you too! Sometimes I will have a dream of seeing an old boyfriend again.
The next day I'll get a phone call or an e-mail from him, but have not talked to him for several years!
But, I agree! Jealousy is one of the worst traits anyone can have! Maybe it's time to find a new lady!

 

[Sassycakes]

Maybe she still dreams of you also. I would try to find her and see if she is married. If she is then you have to make the choice if you should contact her or not. I have reunited with old friends over the years, I understand this is something different but it would be nice to see if she is ok.

 

[Gaer]

My late husband's second wife was a gorgeous chorus girl in Vegas. After a few years of marriage, he found out she was insanely jealous!
He liked freedom so it was impossible to live with that! I think that might be how Senior Chef feels. If so, Nothing will be changed.
My husband was so tall and handsome, ladies would follow him around, even come out to our ranch when I wasn't there to flirt with him!
You just have to laugh it off! Some women can't do that!

 

[senior chef]

Wow! You must be awful good lookin!
Could you show us a picture of you?
Souls can visit other souls in the deep dream state. This is propelled by desire.
You can communicate with anyone in the entire multiverse.
Maybe she wants to be with you too! Sometimes I will have a dream of seeing an old boyfriend again.
The next day I'll get a phone call or an e-mail from him, but have not talked to him for several years!
But, I agree! Jealousy is one of the worst traits anyone can have! Maybe it's time to find a new lady!

Ha Ha. No, I don't think I'm awfully good looking. Decent looking , perhaps. BUT I'm no Tom Cruise.

Oh, I certainly did look for a soul mate after I broke up with my ex. But, it took me a year or so before I was willing to date again. Many dates, a few who lived with me but that soul mate never appeared.

One of the things I always hoped for was someone who also enjoyed cooking. In my day dreams, I imagined that she and I could occasionally cook together. Shared musical taste was super important. I am emotionally moved by nature; especially the high mountains and the Redwoods. My soul mate would also be moved in a similar manner.

Ah, well. I gave it my best shot. One near miss but I did try. It's now way too late.

 

[senior chef]

Maybe she still dreams of you also. I would try to find her and see if she is married. If she is then you have to make the choice if you should contact her or not. I have reunited with old friends over the years, I understand this is something different but it would be nice to see if she is ok.

No, I can't look for her. I need to spend the rest of my life in peace.

 

[feywon]

Ah, well. I gave it my best shot. One near miss but I did try. It's now way

This may seem strange coming from someone who has been happily single for over two decades, but i don't believe in 'too late' regarding individual growth or forming healthy relationships of any kind.
One can decide that one is not actively 'looking' for a soulmate or just plane old intimate connection any more. But you may still meet people to whom you are attracted. And you get decide how open you are to letting it develop. But 'too late' just because of age? No.

 

[feywon]

No, I can't look for her. I need to spend the rest of my life in peace.

According to your OP, you are not at peace, the dreams disturb your peace. There are ways to influence what we dream, but they involve time and energy to learn.

Sometimes more peace can be achieved by learning what roads an ex has traveled since your relationship. As @Sassycakes said you don't have to make contact.

I recently had a long ago ex contact me as part of acknowledging that he'd hurt people. I'd long since let go the baggage from that relationship i carried, but he needed to face his behavior, and was happy for him seeming to finally be finding some balance and peace in his life.

 

[senior chef]

According to your OP, you are not at peace, the dreams disturb your peace. There are ways to influence what we dream, but they invole time and energy to learn.

Sometimes more peace can be achieved by learning what roads an ex has traveled since your relationship. As @Sassycakes said you don't have to make contact.

Perhaps "peace" is not the correct word. Sometimes, lack of pain can feel like peace.
In any event, the emotional trauma caused by that relationship does not need to be re-opened. If it had not been for her unreasoning jealousy, I'd still be with her. Truly, I thought I had found heaven on earth. Oh, well. Such is life.

 

[Gary O']

We hit it off, right off the bat. A year later we were married. Unfortunately, even though she was near perfect in most regards, she had one fatal flaw … unreasoning jealousy.

No, I can't look for her. I need to spend the rest of my life in peace.

Tough one
But right

Jealousy is a relationship killer