Not that anyone is asking

I drive 110 miles round trip to pick up the twins and then another 110 to take them back to their foster parents. On top of that, we have the twins from Friday afternoon to Sunday afternoon, and on top of that we were awakened for a puke party last night.

I Am Knackered.

And I don't even get the point. When their CPS caseworker asked if the twins could have weekends with me, I figured she was considering placing them here for foster care. So I said yeah, sure, and renewed my foster care license. Plus, I was worried if I said no then maybe she'd put the kibosh on Paxton's weekends. Thing is, the twins hardly know me. Now that I've learned that the caseworker supports returning all the kids to their mom, I don't get why she even came up with the idea that the twins should have weekends with Paxton's "Uncle Frank." Makes no sense. It's pointless, really.

Anyway, Michelle is insisting I eat something now, and then I'm gonna nap.
 

I am not sure it even helps the twins, at their age, and in their situation. With the long car ride for them, and sleeping in different places.
Unless giving the foster parents these breaks, make them cope with better patience, when the children are with them.
 
RadishRose said:
I tend to agree.
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Kaila said:
I am not sure it even helps the twins, at their age, and in their situation. With the long car ride for them, and sleeping in different places.
Unless giving the foster parents these breaks, make them cope with better patience, when the children are with them.
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Exactly, Kaila. It struck me last night, what's in it for them? Just more disruption to their normal routine. Landon cried once when I picked up Paxton bc he wanted to come to, but he was just curious...Paxton would be all jazzed about going to Uncle Frank's and Landon felt like he was missing out on something fun, or whatever.

@RadishRose - Thanks, hon. Seriously, I feel kind of alone wondering why we're doing this - I mean, if it's not bc the plan was to let us foster the 3 of them then why? I've got nothing against the twins, but every Thursday I have to hide a bunch of Paxton's toys and things because the twins break stuff. These things are nothing special to them, and that's understandable.

To them, my apartment is just a place full of toys that happens to have a nice old man and a pretty lady in it. To Paxton, it's his home. And I'm still his Dad. When he and I talk 1:1, and I do my best to explain what's going on in his life, he always says "But you're really my Daddy, right?" Freaking chokes me up every time. I wanna say "Damn straight, dude!" but I can't. And not bc it isn't technically true, but bc if it was true then I would be culpable for all his suffering and all this turmoil, and Dad's just don't let this kind of crap happen. That's not a good model.
 
Murrmurr said:
Exactly, Kaila. It struck me last night, what's in it for them? Just more disruption to their normal routine. Landon cried once when I picked up Paxton bc he wanted to come to, but he was just curious...Paxton would be all jazzed about going to Uncle Frank's and Landon felt like he was missing out on something fun, or whatever.

@RadishRose - Thanks, hon. Seriously, I feel kind of alone wondering why we're doing this - I mean, if it's not bc the plan was to let us foster the 3 of them then why? I've got nothing against the twins, but every Thursday I have to hide a bunch of Paxton's toys and things because the twins break stuff. These things are nothing special to them, and that's understandable.

To them, my apartment is just a place full of toys that happens to have a nice old man and a pretty lady in it. To Paxton, it's his home. And I'm still his Dad. When he and I talk 1:1, and I do my best to explain what's going on in his life, he always says "But you're really my Daddy, right?" Freaking chokes me up every time. I wanna say "Damn straight, dude!" but I can't. And not bc it isn't technically true, but bc if it was true then I would be culpable for all his suffering and all this turmoil, and Dad's just don't let this kind of crap happen. That's not a good model.
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Bless you Frank for being so good to these kids.
In my opinion lose the twins, sorry to say.
 
The Pain Management Clinic was supposed to cal last week but they didn't, so I called them. I called Thur and Fri, and hung up after being on hold more than 10 minutes, but got through today. I'm scheduled for a corticosteroid injection on Monday afternoon. The mix includes an anesthetic that's supposed to be long lasting. I sure hope it is. And while it's working I'm sure I can take less of my Norco tabs.

Effectiveness is solely reliant on the NP hitting the right spot. I've never been seen by her, I don't think, so I hope she knows what she's doing. Hope she's the one who attended my last procedure; nerve root injections. Aside from waking me 3 freaking times from the deep meditation I was doing, she was ok.
 
At 9:30 tomorrow morning, the trial begins for Paxton's mother. Court will decide whether or not CPS "services" will be terminated. Services include relapse rehab, psych counseling aimed at establishing a bond between her and Paxton, and whatever other programs the court orders that are steps to reunification. Paxton's grandma, Jackie (the kids call her Gaga) has been subpoenaed. No guarantee she'll be called to testify, but I hope so.

Jackie can testify about Tara and Cole's drinking and drug use, about how Tara treats Pax totally differently than she treats the twins. Tara's mean to him. She's super sweet to the twins but she's super harsh with Paxton; talks to him like she doesn't even like him, like he's a thorn in her side, a POS. Plus, there's no question that about half the bruises I've seen on him are from her. And the twins pick up on that, and the little brother hits, scratches and/or bites him every freaking day. Interestingly, I've seen only one small bruise and one bite mark on Paxton since they started living with their foster family. And the foster mom says the kids have grown close and are actually loving to each other and enjoy hanging out with each other.

The kids have a new attorney. Jackie told me she's a bulldog, a lot more determined than their previous attorney. Plus, the previous attorney told me that the judge is already leaning toward terminating services. He (or she) has to base the court's decision on evidence and within the confines of the law, Tara's legal rights and all that, but I'm feeling pretty hopeful. Been there before, but I have to be hopeful. It's all I've got right now.

And I'm trying to keep in mind that, if Tara wins this round, it ain't over. She's got to attend the programs, pass the drug tests, go to counseling, show adequate progress, and she'll be evaluated all along the way. She habitually "called in sick" the last time she got CPS services. So that's possible trip-up #1.

Cole's not supposed to be living with her, but he does. I don't know how him and Tara are going to keep that secret. I suppose they'll figure a way, but that's possible trip-up #2. She'll start getting the kids for overnight visits and weekend visits, and if Cole isn't there and she's trying to manage 3 toddlers without him and drugs or alcohol, she's going to get uptight and frustrated. The program facilitators and her psychologist will see that because when Tara's frustrated and angsty, it totally shows. Possible trip-up #3.

And if the judge gets one bad report or poor evaluation, or hears of the slightest concern, there's no way the judge will give Tara any more chances. She'll be done. So, yeah, even if the verdict goes her way tomorrow she's still an idiot, so I'm still hopeful.
 
terry123 said:
Wish you could testify!!!
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The attorney asked if I'm available and then said she'd call me back. She didn't call back.

I just got a text from Jackie; I think she's saying the trial is pushed forward because Tara and Cole changed their recommendation (??). I think it's about if they can live together. Also, Cole is back in prison for parole violation...because they're living together and they're not supposed to. Tara might be shooting herself in the foot.

Jackie's waiting to be called. Or not.
 
Court adjourned. Trial pushed forward to Nov 4th.

I'm sure the judge will remember that Cole violated parole and Tara was complicit, demonstrating their refusal to follow the rules, obey the law, get with the program.

The way Jackie put it, Tara's CPS caseworker is "so far up Tara's a$$ it's not even funny." It wouldn't surprise me if the caseworker is getting her meth and/or weed from Tara. Jackson, CA, is a small, lovely old-timey town absolutely crawling with potheads and tweakers.
 
Had an interesting conversation with Paxton's foster mom when I dropped him off to her yesterday.

Apparently the chances of Tara getting the kids back gets slimmer by the day. Their father is back in prison for violating his parole. The terms of parole include that he has to live in Sacramento County, but he's been living with Tara in Amador County all this time. Also, the kids' new attorney discovered Tara has a criminal history that CPS didn't bother to look into.

So, the foster mom told me CPS is already looking at prospective adoptive couples and families. She said the court doesn't want to separate Paxton and the twins, but she (foster mom) gave a formal statement saying that Landon's violence toward Paxton started again, and it's worse than ever. Landon attacks Paxton every day, every chance he gets. In her statement she also said she thinks the best permanent placement for Paxton is with me (and Michelle).

She said she wrote a whole page about how it's obvious Paxton loves me (and vice-versa), what a heart-breaking scene it is when I drop him off at her place, and how he talks about me all the time and asks to see me every day. She wrote that, in Paxton's mind, I'm Dad, and that, in her opinion, I am indeed Paxton's Dad and he belongs with me.

Also, she told me Paxton is self-harming. When she said Landon started attacking him again, I said "Oh, is that why his face is scratched up?" and she said "No, he did that to himself." She said that after he realized the twins went to visit me last weekend, he ran to his room and started clawing at his face. When she saw my reaction to that, she said, "You didn't know? So, he's never done that before?"

No, he's never done that before! Not as far as I know. It never even occurred to me that toddlers self-harm! But I knew it was extremely upsetting to him that I was taking the twins every other weekend and leaving him behind, and that's the main reason I stopped doing it. I told CPS "not beneficial [to the twins]" - cuz sometimes you have to pussyfoot with them and use their terminology and crap - but the main reason was because Paxton doesn't understand why CPS asked me to have "twins weekends" (I didn't even understand why) and it hurt him deeply....just another thing on a long list of emotionally damaging things, and I knew that.
 
Murrmurr said:
Paxton doesn't understand why CPS asked me to have "twins weekends" (I didn't even understand why) and it hurt him deeply...
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It sure doesn’t make any sense but I’m not a supposed expert.. You have to wonder if this is SOP or just something this case worker thought up.
 
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The twins don't belong with you. It's gonna cause more trouble down the road, imho. Visiting with Paxton is good for Paxton and you, but you don't have a history with these twins and they have none with you. Like you said, it doesn't make sense.

I shouldn't say anymore about this. I'm certainly no expert, I'm just saying what makes sense to me and wish you the best.
 
How soon can the powers that be, put Paxton with you and Michelle? If he's self-harming, the sooner the better.

I can't see how it can be beneficial to the twins, Paxton, or you - to have the twins over.

I hope they can get the ball rolling, and not waste any more valuable time in getting Paxton on the road to healing.
 
Pinky said:
How soon can the powers that be, put Paxton with you and Michelle? If he's self-harming, the sooner the better.

I can't see how it can be beneficial to the twins, Paxton, or you - to have the twins over.

I hope they can get the ball rolling, and not waste any more valuable time in getting Paxton on the road to healing.
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Same here!
 
Kaila said:
Is the foster mom trying or hoping, to adopt the twins?
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No. The foster parents just adopted a 3 year old girt about 2 weeks go. They have 3 grown children and 2 still at home, plus the 3 yr old.

She told me that she would adopt Paxton in a heartbeat if they hadn't adopted the little girl. She said she can't understand why their mom favors the twins over Paxton; "He's so sweet, so kind and helpful. You've done a great job with him, Frank, and don't think that won't make a difference in his life."

I know why Tara favors the twins. It's because they're twins. She has this messed-up idea that only Super-Moms have multiple births. It's sickening, cuz it's not about the kids at all, it's about people's impression of her.

Paxton's little sister's teacher told foster mom that she wants to adopt the twins but she doesn't want Paxton. Foster mom said (to the teacher) "You don't know what your missing" but she didn't try to talk her out of it because she'd like to see Pax & the twins adopted separately. They just do better apart. Plus, she's hoping I get Paxton.
 
RadishRose said:
The twins don't belong with you. It's gonna cause more trouble down the road, imho. Visiting with Paxton is good for Paxton and you, but you don't have a history with these twins and they have none with you. Like you said, it doesn't make sense.

I shouldn't say anymore about this. I'm certainly no expert, I'm just saying what makes sense to me and wish you the best.
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When the caseworker first suggested I take the twins every other weekend, I suggested it be Paxton plus one or the other every weekend, reasoning that I could help them learn to be closer and actually protective of each other, as opposed to Landon biting, hitting, and scratching Paxton.

She was all "Talk to the hand" about that idea; like I don't know my wazoo from a hole in the ground.
 


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