Fear and Instincts

feywon

feywon

Well-known Member
Location
Rural North Central NM
There have been a couple of posts recently about fear--what scares us, what doesn't. But fear can have a proper use. Bear with me, thru some definitions and exposition--i do have a question for y'all related to the other 'fears' posts:

Merriam-Webster defines fear:
1: an unpleasant emotion caused by being aware of danger : a feeling of being afraid
He was trembling with fear.an old story that still has the power to inspire fear [=to make people feel afraid]
2: a feeling of respect and wonder for something very powerful fear of God

i could easily substitute Nature or Natural forces for 'God' as an example of the 2nd definition. i've never been a very 'fearful' person, and i've been a confronter of my fears for as long as i can remember. Let me rephrase, a confronter of any fear that i felt went beyond having respect for the possible consequences of challenging the power of anything natural. One should respect the power of nature: Tornadoes, Lightening, strong currents and high waves in the waters, animals--especially wild Mamas with their babies around. To be precise--i challenged my phobic level fears.
Merriam-Webster defines phobia:
1: an exaggerated usually inexplicable and illogical fear of a particular object, class of objects, or situation

Years ago i read a book called The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker that details the importance of listening to our instincts. Highly recommend it. Women in particular due to culture norms tend to 'shush' their instincts about who is safe to be around and particularly to be alone with. By the way i don't see 'instincts' as anything mystical. They are natural and often the feelings of concern we get about interacting with certain people are based on cues from their behaviors/attitudes that we pick up on with out really consciously thinking about them.
Sometimes learning to 'listen to our gut feelings, instincts is one of the hardest lessons in life and we can trust them about some things but we suppress them about others, for a variety of reasons.

Merriam-Webster defines instinct:
1: a way of behaving, thinking, or feeling that is not learned : a natural desire or tendency that makes you want to act in a particular way
Our first instinct was to run.
2: something you know without learning it or thinking about it
Her instincts told her that something was wrong. [=she believed that something was wrong even though there was no obvious reason to believe it]

So how good are you at listening to your instincts? Do you trust your instincts--about who to trust as well as who not to trust?
 

Good question faywon. I get a particular feeling when I look at certain people. I really can't describe it but I recognize it as a warning to stay as far away from that person as I can because more than likely they are a negative entity bent on destruction of one form or another. Usually within minutes they show their true colors. This has saved me from many bad situations including saving my life. I trust that feeling to no end.
 
iu
 
Yes, I rely heavily on my instincts, I listen to the vibes I receive whether physically or mentally. Looking at a picture of someone tells me a story and I take heed. A gift if you like my Grandmama, and Mama were born with and also myself. That does not mean I do not also think the situation out to be fair to all.
 
Interesting question. I think we all have instincts and fears we have learned to live with. Some helpful, some not.

Some good ones.
  • Instinctive fear of danger.
  • Instinct to care for children and family.
Now the more interesting and not always good ones. I feel all of these and can usually, but not always control them for the better.
  • Instinctive desire to eat too much.
  • Instinctive desire for inappropriate (by today's norms) sex.
  • Instinct to take valuable or useful items, no matter who they belong to.
  • Instinctive negative reactions to people who are not known to us or different from us, I believe lots of prejudices are instinctive.
Your question however may be about our ability to make judgements with incomplete information. Something we all deal with all the time. That does include some instinct and some fear. I have a mixed record with that one.
 
jujube said:
They say babies are born with only two "natural" fears: loud noises and falling. If we've learned the rest, we can unlearn them.
Click to expand...
Maybe, but I suspect we are born with a lot more than that. They just don't develop or express themselves until later in life.

None the less I do believe that "unlearning" or at least managing is important.
 
There have been several posts with different perspectives on dealing with fear. So this video caught my attention. I thought it was interesting that she uses the words for "catastrophizing"...."a common cognitive distortion". I have been using cognitive behavior modification techniques the past few days when I begin "making a mountain out of a mole hill". It is very interesting, as the fear instinct causes my mind to add possible worse problems...that cause me to conjure worse problems...and my fear begins to take over my behavior.
Anyway, this might be useful to some...it's a keeper for me to add to my "medicine bag." :)

4:29
 
Paco Dennis said:
There have been several posts with different perspectives on dealing with fear. So this video caught my attention. I thought it was interesting that she uses the words for "catastrophizing"...."a common cognitive distortion". I have been using cognitive behavior modification techniques the past few days when I begin "making a mountain out of a mole hill". It is very interesting, as the fear instinct causes my mind to add possible worse problems...that cause me to conjure worse problems...and my fear begins to take over my behavior.
Anyway, this might be useful to some...it's a keeper for me to add to my "medicine bag." :)

4:29
Click to expand...
Yes it could be very useful.
i have long felt we must be careful about our language, word choices even in our 'self-talk'.
i disagree that just seeing or being aware of the worst case outcome is the same thing as 'expecting' the worst.
My Dad often said be prepared for worst case, because then you are also prepared for lesser negative outcomes, and often are pleasantly surprised when there are only minor consequences or none. It was clear that he meant 'prepare' for with an eye toward emotional acceptance of whatever happens and the ability to move forward with one's life in spite what happens. Thing is over time, if one actually attends to how often something less bad than they expect happens, it reinforces the mindset that one is merely being aware of 'possibilities' not 'expecting' or 'inviting' the worst one to happen.

Don't know about anyone else, but because i metathink and examine my life, (albeit usually after the fact because i tend to be 'in the moment' a good deal of the time) i noticed that often few incidents in our lives are totally 'good/bad' 'happy/sad'. Often they are bittersweet, producing a mix of emotions. Or a small inconvenience leads me to be in right place at right time to receive/experience something 'good' either directly yourself or because you are able to help someone else. Having noticed all that it's hard for me to 'catastrophize' because even some horrible events have been catalysts for later good.

What i expect is to find a way to solve problems, and ways to deal with any negative consequences of anything.
 
Yep, it is a very complex. What genetic propensities ( instincts ) and what we fear. Experience that has caused us pain. Authority figures ( parents, commercials, scary science, etc ).... All of these conditions vary quite a bit. The degree of fear is relevant also. I remember someone say "Some illusions are bigger than others".
 
Oh, it is definitely important to plan our steps in some of our actions, like you say. I think her point using the word "catastophizing" is what many people do by habit. Naming this habit a "cognitive distortion" also is a bit shocking. I think some psychologists use "shock" type dialogue to try to help the person come face to face with what ails them mentally. I have always had a propensity to beat myself up mentally....big reason I entered the monastery. I had many very traumatic events from13 - 30 years old. I feel very fragile sometimes. I like finding "tools" that help me stop going into regressive behavior, and usually it is because something has frightened me.
 
Paco Dennis said:
Oh, it is definitely important to plan our steps in some of our actions, like you say. I think her point using the word "catastophizing" is what many people do by habit. Naming this habit a "cognitive distortion" also is a bit shocking. I think some psychologists use "shock" type dialogue to try to help the person come face to face with what ails them mentally. I have always had a propensity to beat myself up mentally....big reason I entered the monastery. I had many very traumatic events from13 - 30 years old. I feel very fragile sometimes. I like finding "tools" that help me stop going into regressive behavior, and usually it is because something has frightened me.
Click to expand...
About the only thing that truly 'scares' me since about age 30 is the idea of anything happening to my 3 children or grandson.

The last decade has stirred some very cognitively structured fears about the future of our country and the world, but while took a nosedive into depressive abyss. Have battled depression since age 11 and had some pretty good strategies that worked well for decades and they've helped me to climb out again. i always had some worst case scenario plans and they allowed me to NOT obsess about how bad things could get. When you think about it being 75 the fears over worst case were mostly spurred by concern for my progeny and other people.
 
I have just become aware recently that someone can say something to me in a causal way and I take it personally and feel hurt. They had No intention of hurting me. It is a kind of cognitive distortion.
 
Paco Dennis said:
I have just become aware recently that someone can say something to me in a causal way and I take it personally and feel hurt. They had No intention of hurting me. It is a kind of cognitive distortion.
Click to expand...
True, and a tricky one to deal with. i know i did that when younger but somewhere along the way i've come to a place of not being easily hurt by the words of others. One has to be in my 'inner circle' (my children, younger brother and remaining older sister) hurt me with words even intentionally. What someone says may cause me to look at my own behavior, assess my responsibility in a situation but i don't get upset about it unless it comes from the inner circle.
 
Last edited:
Paco Dennis said:
I have just become aware recently that someone can say something to me in a causal way and I take it personally and feel hurt. They had No intention of hurting me. It is a kind of cognitive distortion.
Click to expand...
I have an immense fear that what I say will be misconstrued because often, when I speak, things come out wrong, and it seems like I'm being a jerk, but it's really just anxiety taking control of my mouth. When I get that way, my words don't reflect what's going on in my brain, which is telling me to "Run away! Run away!"
 

You must log in or register to reply here.

Back
Top