How much did you let cruel words affect you?

Bretrick

Bretrick

Well-known Member
Location
Perth Western Australia
Have you ever been on the receiving end of someones hate filled tirade?
How did it make you feel? Did you respond in kind? Or were you able to ignore it and not let it affect you for the rest of the day/week?
Words can hurt us deep down and have a long lasting effect. Especially if one is young and their mind is still developing.
Early childhood experiences stay with us for a lifetime. And can have an extremely detrimental affect on one's self esteem and outlook on life.
My childhood was abhorrent and those experiences still surface every now and then.
The difference these days is that I know how to react to them so they do not have the debilitating effect that they did when I was a teenager.
I changed the wording to the ditty, "Sticks and Stones may break my bones" and ended it with, " But words will surely kill me"
I remember in school, year 10, the teacher asked us how we would like to be remembered.
She asked us to write our epithet for our gravestone.
Instantly this is what I wrote,
" Brett, Died of a Broken Heart"
Her reaction to me was, " That is inappropriate Brett" She never asked why I had written those words.
I got used to the beating from peers and family.
Bruises heal, Mental torture can last a lifetime and lead to early termination to stop the pain of the heart.
I was an "A" Student all through my school years, up until year 10 when the things happening at home forced my mind to shut down. For most of the year I stared out the window. That year's grades were abysmal. From A's, A plus, B plus, to D, F and C'S.
No one asked me what was going on?
Words can kill just as effectively as a sharp knife.
 

Yes words can hurt more deeply than any physical attack, but only if you care about the person who said them to you.. For me a stranger attacking me verbally isn't hurtful at all, I just feel that they've lost control of their argument .. and here on the internet, I'm very quick to put someone on ignore who are verbally abusive, I wish we could do it with some in real life... :LOL:
 
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hollydolly said:
Yes words can hurt more deeply than any physical attack, but only if you care aboutthe person who said them to you.. For me a stranger attackingme verbally isn't hurtful at all, I just feel that they've lost control of their argument .. andhere on the internet, I'm very quick to put someone on ignore who are verbally abusive, I wish we could do it with some in real life... :LOL:
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These days I have built in resilience and no one can verbally hurt me.
I know the power of the word and as recently as a few years ago I was able to use words, without using vitriol, to put that person in their place.
I no longer allow myself to be in those situations, for the most part, but if someone tried to laud it over me I would defend myself, making sure they never had the last word.
 

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Bretrick said:
Have you ever been on the receiving end of someones hate filled tirade?
How did it make you feel? Did you respond in kind? Or were you able to ignore it and not let it affect you for the rest of the day/week?
Words can hurt us deep down and have a long lasting effect. Especially if one is young and their mind is still developing.
Early childhood experiences stay with us for a lifetime. And can have an extremely detrimental affect on one's self esteem and outlook on life.
My childhood was abhorrent and those experiences still surface every now and then.
The difference these days is that I know how to react to them so they do not have the debilitating effect that they did when I was a teenager.
I changed the wording to the ditty, "Sticks and Stones may break my bones" and ended it with, " But words will surely kill me"
I remember in school, year 10, the teacher asked us how we would like to be remembered.
She asked us to write our epithet for our gravestone.
Instantly this is what I wrote,
" Brett, Died of a Broken Heart"
Her reaction to me was, " That is inappropriate Brett" She never asked why I had written those words.
I got used to the beating from peers and family.
Bruises heal, Mental torture can last a lifetime and lead to early termination to stop the pain of the heart.
I was an "A" Student all through my school years, up until year 10 when the things happening at home forced my mind to shut down. For most of the year I stared out the window. That year's grades were abysmal. From A's, A plus, B plus, to D, F and C'S.
No one asked me what was going on?
Words can kill just as effectively as a sharp knife.
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That is truly a heartfelt post, sometimes sharing such an experience can be cathartic, providing you don't have a detractor in your reading audience. By that I mean someone who doesn't understand, someone who might suggest, pull yourself together is all that it takes. Words work both ways, they can lift your spirit when used in praise and they can sear through like a knife when used as a hurtful critique.
We had a wonderful, outgoing sort of lady here on this forum, whom I hope, looks on from time to time, just as a lurker. She was known as Aunt Marg. It was the written word that caused her to leave, for Marg it was probably the right thing to do but we still miss her fun and humour.
Bretrick, I'm certainly no therapist, but you seem to be in charge of your destiny, keep it that way and ignore the detractors. Your post could possibly encourage others, in doing so, it will no small effort on your part.
 
horseless carriage said:
That is truly a heartfelt post, sometimes sharing such an experience can be cathartic, providing you don't have a detractor in your reading audience. By that I mean someone who doesn't understand, someone who might suggest, pull yourself together is all that it takes. Words work both ways, they can lift your spirit when used in praise and they can sear through like a knife when used as a hurtful critique.
We had a wonderful, outgoing sort of lady here on this forum, whom I hope, looks on from time to time, just as a lurker. She was known as Aunt Marg. It was the written word that caused her to leave, for Marg it was probably the right thing to do but we still miss her fun and humour.
Bretrick, I'm certainly no therapist, but you seem to be in charge of your destiny, keep it that way and ignore the detractors. Your post could possibly encourage others, in doing so, it will no small effort on your part.
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Thank you.
These days I have resilience and no matter what anyone was to say to me I can shrug it off.
My reason for posting these memories/experiences is to allow people who have had similar events happen to them to understand that we can take control of our lives. No one can denigrate us unless we allow it.
 
Bretrick, may I remind you when you arrive here you were welcomed with open arms. You then insulted many members by your reference to their grammar. You did not stop to think how that may have affected those who are having problems with sight, non, non, you did not stop to think those people may suffer from arthritis and just getting somethng written is a feat for them. Most of the people on this forum are very intelligent and educated, did you stop to think of your words before writing them? Unthinking language is a two way street! I am not impressed!
 
My post about grammar was a generalisation of society.
At no time was I insulting members here.

As a Pedant I am easily riled by those in the community who have no idea about the correct use of Apostrophes.

I write from the heart and share my experiences, showing that past experiences can make one stronger and resilient.
As mentioned previously, my aim is not to denigrate anyone.
 
Hmm, words can be as sharp as arrows.

In June, my husband, a very difficult emotionally abusive mentally ill person, used some words to me, that finally ended our marriage. We still live together. We still function as a couple when necessary. But, the marriage is dead. Finally killed by his words and deeds.

I think one of the reasons @Bretrick you are less affected by people’s words might be because you don’t let any one get close enough to really matter enough to you for their words to be crushing. I sometimes wish I had developed this defense mechanism as a child.

But, I always hoped things would change. Hoped my parents would become decent human beings. Hoped others in my life would become decent human beings. Hope springs eternal. Hope, in my experiences, always failed. But, I have always been a hopeful person. Now I simply hope for a short life span. 75 is old enough.

However, as I look back over my 75 years of life, I realize the words still ring true “it’s better to have loved and lost, than never have loved at all”. I’ve loved a lot. I’ve lost a lot. But I am, in many ways, glad I still care enough to be hurt by the words of people who matter to me.
I remain a hopeful person.

Otherwise, I would just be a lost soul in a world filled with the emptiness of my regrets.
 
Aneeda72 said:
Hmm, words can be as sharp as arrows.

In June, my husband, a very difficult emotionally abusive mentally ill person, used some words to me, that finally ended our marriage. We still live together. We still function as a couple when necessary. But, the marriage is dead. Finally killed by his words and deeds.

I think one of the reasons @Bretrick you are less affected by people’s words might be because you don’t let any one get close enough to really matter enough to you for their words to be crushing. I sometimes wish I had developed this defense mechanism as a child.

But, I always hoped things would change. Hoped my parents would become decent human beings. Hoped others in my life would become decent human beings. Hope springs eternal. Hope, in my experiences, always failed. But, I have always been a hopeful person. Now I simply hope for a short life span. 75 is old enough.

However, as I look back over my 75 years of life, I realize the words still ring true “it’s better to have loved and lost, than never have loved at all”. I’ve loved a lot. I’ve lost a lot. But I am, in many ways, glad I still care enough to be hurt by the words of people who matter to me.
I remain a hopeful person.

Otherwise, I would just be a lost soul in a world filled with the emptiness of my regrets.
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Your words are true. I have not allowed, nor do I allow people to get close to me. So I am shielded from hurtful words.
Many people do not have that wall up and as a result are negatively affected by spiteful words.
It does sadden me a little that I have never loved but that is my lot in live and I have come to terms with that.
 
Bretrick said:
Have you ever been on the receiving end of someones hate filled tirade?
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Sure, haven't we all?
Bretrick said:
How much did you let cruel words affect you?
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I try not to, have to remember that the problem is with the person saying them, not the target. I believe the best response is usually silence, or a simple "ok". Or maybe changing the subject and talking about something else...

However I am not always successful.
 
Like @hollydolly i have to at least have some personal respect for someone to even consider letting any unpleasant words they direct at me bother me. Those closest to me, my children, 2 surviving siblings and very small group of friends can but rarely do say anything that 'hurts' me, because we can talk civilly even when our opinions differ. And if they offer a criticism i've found it helpful to consider their input.

On the social media i've been known to laugh at people (usually men) that actually made threats against me due to our differing socio-political positions. i sometimes tell them that "i have physically risked my life to be consistent with my values, i've looked into hate-filled eyes calling me names as their hands constrict into fists, and you think some random fool on the internet can intimidate me? Not likely!"
 
Bretrick said:
My post about grammar was a generalisation of society.
At no time was I insulting members here.

As a Pedant I am easily riled by those in the community who have no idea about the correct use of Apostrophes.

I write from the heart and share my experiences, showing that past experiences can make one stronger and resilient.
As mentioned previously, my aim is not to denigrate anyone.
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Remember - sometimes you can denigrate people unintentionally.
 
Cruel words make me angry but I realize that verbal abuse is a form stress relief for the person who is the abuser. If I am really upset with the person who treated me bad I will cast a spell or put a curse on him. I have my Voodoo dolls that protect me from such people. I will reverse the bad joo joo and send it back to the person and then draw good energy out of him for my own use and also send my bad energy to that person. It has amazed me how well this works at times when I see the person having bad things happening to him then I might remove the curse.
 
RadishRose said:
Why is having the last word so important?
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Because many people chalk that up as 'winning'.

Personally, i don't think in those terms. I prefer discussions where people come to understand, respect each other better. But i am fine letting some fool think they 'won' because they got in the last verbal jab even if they make it when i've said i'm done with the discussion. If they really ticked me off i might mention i'm done because i realized discussing whatever with them is worth neither my time or energy, because it is unproductive.
 
feywon said:
Because many people chalk that up as 'winning'.

Personally, i don't think in those terms. I prefer discussions where people come to understand, respect each other better. But i am fine letting some fool think they 'won' because they got in the last verbal jab even if they make it when i've said i'm done with the discussion. If they really ticked me off i might mention i'm done because i realized discussing whatever with them is worth neither my time or energy, because it is unproductive.
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Or, it could be someone takes the last word cause, you know, they always have something to say. 😂
 
Aneeda72 said:
Or, it could be someone takes the last word cause, you know, they always have something to say. 😂
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There's a difference between always having something to say and always needing to exert some imagined dominence by not letting someone else have the last word in a contentious context. I can ramble on a long time about subjects that interest and amuse me, but will only expend a limited amount of energy on unproductive disputes.
 
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