grahamg
Old codger
- Location
- South of Manchester, UK
Does anyone really know?
Here are some expert opinions, where there may be some useful insights:
https://www.bakadesuyo.com/2018/08/how-to-have-a-happy-marriage/
Quote:
"How can we make our unions more like those super-duper happy ones?
We’re going to get some answers from *******. (He does more than compile depressing charts, I swear.) He’s a professor of psychology at Northwestern University and the director of their Relationships and Motivation Lab.
The All or Nothing Marriage: How the Best Marriages Work
When your partner does something good, you want to chalk that up to being “internal” (indicative of their character) and “stable” (a persistent trait).
They got you that thoughtful gift because they “are and always have been the kindest person to ever grace the earth with the imprint of their foot” and not because “every now and then even Satan remembers to do something nice.”
Rather than separating our spouse from the behavior and treating it as a one-off event, relationships benefit when we link our spouse to the behavior and treat it as generally characteristic of him or her—when we make internal, stable attributions…the tendency to make internal and stable attributions for our spouse’s positive behaviors…predicts greater happiness about those behaviors and greater improvement in relationship quality over time.
The point here isn’t to begin a massive campaign of lying to yourself, but to give your partner the benefit of the doubt."
How to have a happy marriage
Here are some expert opinions, where there may be some useful insights:
https://www.bakadesuyo.com/2018/08/how-to-have-a-happy-marriage/
Quote:
"How can we make our unions more like those super-duper happy ones?
We’re going to get some answers from *******. (He does more than compile depressing charts, I swear.) He’s a professor of psychology at Northwestern University and the director of their Relationships and Motivation Lab.
The All or Nothing Marriage: How the Best Marriages Work
When your partner does something good, you want to chalk that up to being “internal” (indicative of their character) and “stable” (a persistent trait).
They got you that thoughtful gift because they “are and always have been the kindest person to ever grace the earth with the imprint of their foot” and not because “every now and then even Satan remembers to do something nice.”
Rather than separating our spouse from the behavior and treating it as a one-off event, relationships benefit when we link our spouse to the behavior and treat it as generally characteristic of him or her—when we make internal, stable attributions…the tendency to make internal and stable attributions for our spouse’s positive behaviors…predicts greater happiness about those behaviors and greater improvement in relationship quality over time.
The point here isn’t to begin a massive campaign of lying to yourself, but to give your partner the benefit of the doubt."
How to have a happy marriage
- Bad things are exceptions, good things are traits: When they don’t do the dishes it’s because they were busy. When they do do the dishes it’s because they’re a good person who loves you.
- “Meant to be” equals “not meant to be”: A growth mindset prevents your soulmate from becoming not-your-soulmate.
- Give thanks: Regularly think about all the nice things they’ve done to contribute to the relationship. (And maybe even thank them.)
- Capitalization: Be enthusiastic and make their little good things into big good things.
- Communication is key: Self-disclosure is powerful — especially on a double date.
- See other people: Supportive friends don’t take you away from your relationship; they improve it.
- Try a new restaurant after you go skydiving: Novel and exciting experiences together makes for happier marriages and increased sexy-time.
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