Spouses/SO That Split Up After 60 - Is It Becoming More Common

Jules

Jules

SF VIP
Are people deciding that their mental happiness is more important than staying together?

My friend left a miserable marriage two years ago. She was in her early 60s and decided it wasn’t worth it anymore. It hasn’t been easy and her ex is delaying any final financial payouts as long as he can. She’s still happier than she has been in years.

Another friend’s husband left her to ‘find himself’. Right, with another woman. They got their financials settled quickly though and she has bounced back and saves for her yearly trips. She lives within her limited means.
 

Recently someone said about making a big change in one's life, ask yourself "Is this the life I want?" For me it hit me like a ton of bricks mainly because I have always taken good care of myself but after retiring I slacked off in many ways. Rarely has any one statement knocked me off my stool like this one. I feel now I have relocated to the right track where I used to be and I'm feeling very good bout it. I have heard too many say they will just ride it out after so any years and I never understood that especially when it comes to spouses and friends.
 
I've seen several friends and neighbors split up shortly after their kids are grown and leave the house. I guess the kids were the only thing keeping their marriages intact. As for splitting up after reaching their 60's, that seems kind of counterproductive. If they've managed to tolerate each other for 30 or 40 years, they should be able to make it the rest of the way, IMO. Besides, splitting up at that age, probably puts both parties in a financially stressful position.
 
I greatly admire married couples that love each other enough over decades in these difficult complicated modern technology times that they remain together.

Vows...I am so in love with you that I want to promise to stand beside you through thick and thin, through good and bad, through joy and sorrow.

That noted, given how so many people married or not live in this era, it is understandable on a list of levels to this person especially greater freedom, why so many sadly eventually divorce.
 
Don M. said:
I've seen several friends and neighbors split up shortly after their kids are grown and leave the house. I guess the kids were the only thing keeping their marriages intact. As for splitting up after reaching their 60's, that seems kind of counterproductive. If they've managed to tolerate each other for 30 or 40 years, they should be able to make it the rest of the way, IMO. Besides, splitting up at that age, probably puts both parties in a financially stressful position.
Click to expand...
To that last sentence - If it didn't, I'll bet more elderly couples would split up.

For me, it was just the opposite; after being totally happy with bachelorhood for over 40 years, I married at the age of 66.

I think it's pretty common for men to start reevaluating their lives when they get around the age of 45-50. Am I satisfied? Was it all worth it? But you don't even have to ask Did I miss out on anything? because, if you were dedicated to your job and your family for 30+, you know you did. So the question is, Should I go looking for what I missed out on? But, to your point, I think older men do stop to think about where that will leave their wives, and ask themselves if that would disappoint their kids. Apparently, an increasing number of them are deciding to not worry about that, that life is too short, to finally go for what they missed out on.
 
Don't know if it's more common to divorce at that age or not, but I do know one thing - the older we get the more chance that we'll be alone, particularly if a spouse dies. My husband died suddenly several years ago - he had been retired for three years. We had planned a long life together, but it didn't happen. :(Whereas, relatives and cousins all have their husbands in their 80s, and they seem perfectly content.
 
Packerjohn said:
Around here a lot of the widows have "married" dogs. They seem to relish the daily walks with their new "love." Go figure!
Click to expand...
No dog I've ever owned has ever said, "What's for dinner?" Or, "Looks like you're putting on weight, arentcha?"Or, "Whaddaya mean I should cook/do laundry/pay the bills once in a while?! That's your job!" (Even though the widow most likely worked just as many if not more hours outside the home and the husband doesn't have that much yard work (if any) that would prevent him from cooking/doing laundry/paying bills.
 
Don M. said:
I've seen several friends and neighbors split up shortly after their kids are grown and leave the house. I guess the kids were the only thing keeping their marriages intact. As for splitting up after reaching their 60's, that seems kind of counterproductive. If they've managed to tolerate each other for 30 or 40 years, they should be able to make it the rest of the way, IMO. Besides, splitting up at that age, probably puts both parties in a financially stressful position.
Click to expand...
You have hit the nail on the head 😊
 
I left my husband when I was almost 66, after 25 years together. I had to wait for my Social Security and then I stayed almost 4 years longer. I warned him over and over. It was not due to children as we each had our own grown adult sons. It was due to more than money but that was a part of it. I had no health insurance and he had the VA. I was scared of what was going to happen in the future and it was not in my control. Plus he had horrible anger issues (not directed at me). As well as I was tired of living without conveniences (like running water, washing machines, flush toilets) and I wanted a normal house and life. Now I got it!

It was the best thing I ever did and I am the happiest I have ever been in my whole life. Truly.
 
Spouses/SO That Split Up After 60 - Is It Becoming More Common
Click to expand...
I'm seeing more women becoming widowed, around age 60 and plus. My wife is the only non-widow in her circle of friends, hope she stays that way! :sneaky:
At the gym: I'd say 3/4 of the ladies in the senior classes are widowed; the ones that are married may soon be, if their husbands don't get off the damn couch and take care of their bodies.

Getting back on-topic: I can understand people splitting up, regardless of age...people change over time, some others don't change when they really should. I can see people wanting to get some of that "gold" in their golden years.

I walk in the park with one of our fitness friends, she constantly talks(complains) about her husband. I listen, try to make positive suggestions/comments(not taking sides) or just am silent. Her husband is 72(she's 60) and quite overweight, with a host of the usual metabolic syndrome disorders...in addition to his emotional health issues. She has talked about leaving him, even though she does love him. If her husband does not take his health seriously, she won't have to make that decision.
 
After I left my husband, I had so many women friends on FB contact me and tell me they wish they could do that. Well, I had no money, just a teeny SS check but was not staying for that reason. I had to get help as much as I hated to do it. How can you live miserable? I can barely walk and at that house there was no way I could even use a walker or anything else. Sometimes you have to put yourself first. If I stayed I figured I'd die there pretty quick. I don't hate my husband or anything like that. Just had to get out.
 
katlupe said:
After I left my husband, I had so many women friends on FB contact me and tell me they wish they could do that. Well, I had no money, just a teeny SS check but was not staying for that reason. I had to get help as much as I hated to do it. How can you live miserable? I can barely walk and at that house there was no way I could even use a walker or anything else. Sometimes you have to put yourself first. If I stayed I figured I'd die there pretty quick. I don't hate my husband or anything like that. Just had to get out.
Click to expand...
You’re a strong woman with a very very strong constitution….you done good!👍👍👍👍👍
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Back
Top