Spouses/SO That Split Up After 60 - Is It Becoming More Common

I just read a news blurb that senior divorce rates are rising. The most common age for divorce is 40+, But..........
"Statistics show that a record number of people over the age of 50 have chosen to file for divorce after decades of marriage. Researchers from Bowling Green University found that the divorce rate in this age group increased from one in 10 in 1990, to more than one in four in 2011, according to the New York Times."
And that was ten years ago.
 

No dog I've ever owned has ever said, "What's for dinner?" Or, "Looks like you're putting on weight, arentcha?"Or, "Whaddaya mean I should cook/do laundry/pay the bills once in a while?! That's your job!" (Even though the widow most likely worked just as many if not more hours outside the home and the husband doesn't have that much yard work (if any) that would prevent him from cooking/doing laundry/paying bills.
Sounds like you might have married a "lazy bugger." When I was married I always did my share and that meant setting the table, helping to clean up, vacuuming the floors, washing the windows, etc. etc. etc. I guess I 'm pround to say I was pretty well "house trained."
 
Sounds like you might have married a "lazy bugger." When I was married I always did my share and that meant setting the table, helping to clean up, vacuuming the floors, washing the windows, etc. etc. etc. I guess I 'm pround to say I was pretty well "house trained."
Compared to other husbands of my IRL acquaintance, I think mine is way less lazy than they; I know of guys who seem to expect a ticker tape parade if they lower themselves to empty the dishwasher or change a lightbulb once in a while. And with the cases I'm acquainted with (including my huzz), you can't blame their mothers for any lack of "house training": if the guys' fathers caught the mothers trying to teach the son(s) even basic cooking, cleaning, etc., the fathers threw a fit, (as my Huzz's dad put it), "Stop making the boy do women's work; you're gonna turn him into a [slur denoting homosexuality]!"
 
Compared to other husbands of my IRL acquaintance, I think mine is way less lazy than they; I know of guys who seem to expect a ticker tape parade if they lower themselves to empty the dishwasher or change a lightbulb once in a while. And with the cases I'm acquainted with (including my huzz), you can't blame their mothers for any lack of "house training": if the guys' fathers caught the mothers trying to teach the son(s) even basic cooking, cleaning, etc., the fathers threw a fit, (as my Huzz's dad put it), "Stop making the boy do women's work; you're gonna turn him into a [slur denoting homosexuality]!" (Luckily she persisted--had to do it on the sly but still--and Huzz is therefore better at "helping"--the phrase "doing his share" is better--around the house.)
 
I met my husband when I was 15yrs old and fell in love with him the minute we met. We are now married over 50yrs and I wouldn't want to spend a day without him. Now I'm not sure how he would answer !LOL
Congratulations! Both of you are very lucky. The chance is that your husband feels the same way you do. Nice to read such a positive report on the state of marriage. Most are negative but your report just warms my heart.
 
Around here a lot of the widows have "married" dogs. They seem to relish the daily walks with their new "love." Go figure!
This had me laughing but it is a very true statement. I am a widow and I have a dog, he has been the best companion since my husband passed away. Women are natural born caregivers and once widowed they might not want to take on that roll again or have someone have to look after them. I know women who would love a partner but most are happy with their dogs.
 
I don't think anyone should stay in a marriage, choosing "vows" (which often wind up being BS), over their personal happiness. And news flash for those who "do it for the children"....those children sense the bad vibes and they become miserable too. Some people simply grow apart and are not the same people they were when they were madly in love and got married. My theory is that for many couples, marriage spoils a relationship.

I have an online friend who posted in a tight knit group about how her husband was running through their money for expenses she had no knowledge of. He was very unkind to her and was basically verbally, as well as financially abusive. We were like "leave him"!. When she finally did, she said she felt happier than she had in years; she felt free and was so glad she finally did it.
 
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I've seen several friends and neighbors split up shortly after their kids are grown and leave the house. I guess the kids were the only thing keeping their marriages intact. As for splitting up after reaching their 60's, that seems kind of counterproductive. If they've managed to tolerate each other for 30 or 40 years, they should be able to make it the rest of the way, IMO. Besides, splitting up at that age, probably puts both parties in a financially stressful position.
I'm in my 60's married over 40 yrs. I had the STUPID idea that the unsupportive man-child I married would mellow after we got rid of the house, mortgage and maintenance and settled into a small condo.
Joke's on ME! He maintained his procrastinating, lazy, triggering ways AND became more outwardly nasty to me and to others. I got a lawyer and kicked him out. Separation will eventually become divorce. I have my own 2 pensions plus SS. I don't need him for ANYTHING!! I should have divorced him 15 yrs ago but that's on ME.
 
I'm in my 60's married over 40 yrs. I had the STUPID idea that the unsupportive man-child I married would mellow after we got rid of the house, mortgage and maintenance and settled into a small condo.
Joke's on ME! He maintained his procrastinating, lazy, triggering ways AND became more outwardly nasty to me and to others. I got a lawyer and kicked him out. Separation will eventually become divorce. I have my own 2 pensions plus SS. I don't need him for ANYTHING!! I should have divorced him 15 yrs ago but that's on ME.
So sorry for what you've been through and hope for happiness for you from now on.
 
I'm hearing multiple women expressing their dissatisfaction with uneven marriage partnerships. Women of my age often entered marriage with men who had superior earning power and were more often controlled by their husbands. The marriage relationship was unbalanced with the wife needing to seek husband's permission a lot of the time. Quite often the man would want to know what she had been spending "his money" on and to account for the way she spent her time as well. This is abuse without the bruises but it does leave marks on a person's self esteem and it becomes very hard to live with as the years roll on.

The freedom these women crave once they realise that time does not bring about change is not so much the freedom to do what they like, as the release of the imprisoned spirit. It is better to forgo the financial benefits than to live subserviently to an insensitive man. Usually, the man is shocked to discover that his wife was unhappy for years because he never listened to her deeply enough to understand how she felt.

Marriage counselling could have saved a lot of these relationships but sadly, the one who thinks everything is going along just fine is often the one who refuses to seek such help. Eventually, the woman is the one who decides when the relationship is over.

I'm generalising, of course, but I have seen quite a few examples where this has been the root cause of late-in-life divorce. If Hubby and I had not had some help years ago I would have eventually left him too. As it is, we will celebrate 60 years of marriage in March 2023, God willing.
 
I'm in my 60's married over 40 yrs. I had the STUPID idea that the unsupportive man-child I married would mellow after we got rid of the house, mortgage and maintenance and settled into a small condo.
Joke's on ME! He maintained his procrastinating, lazy, triggering ways AND became more outwardly nasty to me and to others. I got a lawyer and kicked him out. Separation will eventually become divorce. I have my own 2 pensions plus SS. I don't need him for ANYTHING!! I should have divorced him 15 yrs ago but that's on ME.
You were strong enough to leave, not everyone has that strength in later life. You sound happy, enjoy the rest of your life.
 
I'm hearing multiple women expressing their dissatisfaction with uneven marriage partnerships. Women of my age often entered marriage with men who had superior earning power and were more often controlled by their husbands. The marriage relationship was unbalanced with the wife needing to seek husband's permission a lot of the time. Quite often the man would want to know what she had been spending "his money" on and to account for the way she spent her time as well. This is abuse without the bruises but it does leave marks on a person's self esteem and it becomes very hard to live with as the years roll on.

The freedom these women crave once they realise that time does not bring about change is not so much the freedom to do what they like, as the release of the imprisoned spirit. It is better to forgo the financial benefits than to live subserviently to an insensitive man. Usually, the man is shocked to discover that his wife was unhappy for years because he never listened to her deeply enough to understand how she felt.

Marriage counselling could have saved a lot of these relationships but sadly, the one who thinks everything is going along just fine is often the one who refuses to seek such help. Eventually, the woman is the one who decides when the relationship is over.

I'm generalising, of course, but I have seen quite a few examples where this has been the root cause of late-in-life divorce. If Hubby and I had not had some help years ago I would have eventually left him too. As it is, we will celebrate 60 years of marriage in March 2023, God willing.
Not trying to hijack the thread, but my mother was a prime example of this. My mother and father married in the 50's. He was 35 and she was 25. He was already established in his career and never wanted her to work. She was a beautiful lady and basically became "arm candy". When we used to go out to dinner, people constantly asked him if she was his daughter. They both loved that. ;)

She would have never thought to divorce him because she had nothing to fall back on. So, he pretty much controlled her. When I left home and she started to age, she became clinically depressed. She could no longer fulfill the roles of "pretty wife" and "mother". So many are victims of these stereotypes.

I loved my father, but when he passed away in 2000 my mother began to blossom. She became more self-confident because she could make her own decisions and no longer had anyone judging her. I assured her that she was free to be herself and make her own decisions. She lived another 21 years as a happy, independent woman.
 
I greatly admire married couples that love each other enough over decades in these difficult complicated modern technology times that they remain together.
Others have mentioned that their children bind them together, once the kids have flown the nest, couples have less to talk about and little in common. We have no children and therefore no grandchildren but we do have one another and life is better for that reason.

Some couples will tell you that they have never had a cross word for each other, well let me tell you that's not us, but despite the spats and cross words, we are always friends again by bedtime.

"I, ___, take you, ___, for my lawful wife/husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health and forsaking all others, until death do us part."

Those words are vows, we hold dear by them, we love each other and say so. And, apart from the time that I had a short stay in hospital, my beautiful wife has had a bouquet of flowers and a love letter every week for the last fifty three years or so.

In my wallet is a small, embossed card, about the size of a credit card. On one side it reads: Because you're worth it. The other side reads:
Every year I may, wash five hundred shirts, cook thousands of meals, clean the bathtub and lavatory hundreds of times. Give thousands of hugs, run an instant taxi service, clean, dust and polish thousands of times. Keep smiling to encourage you when you're down. Cook all day and then be the perfect hostess. Make myself look good for you, even though you might not even notice. I laugh at your corny jokes and answer your calls for help. Wait up when you're home late, even into the small hours.

But I would do it all again for you, because you're worth it. Every bit!
 
Compared to other husbands of my IRL acquaintance, I think mine is way less lazy than they; I know of guys who seem to expect a ticker tape parade if they lower themselves to empty the dishwasher or change a lightbulb once in a while. And with the cases I'm acquainted with (including my huzz), you can't blame their mothers for any lack of "house training": if the guys' fathers caught the mothers trying to teach the son(s) even basic cooking, cleaning, etc., the fathers threw a fit, (as my Huzz's dad put it), "Stop making the boy do women's work; you're gonna turn him into a [slur denoting homosexuality]!"
I am no expert on this subject but if you ask me it seems that work is neutral gender. Things like washing dishes, vacuuming floors, taking garbage out and even cooking can and should be done by both sexes. Now, when I was happily married my wife did all the cooking. Why? Because she was darn good at it and I was not. She had 28 cookbooks and was always on the internet looking for great new dishes. She loved cooking. What about me? Well, since I did not cook, I always helped out by putting out all the dishes and cutlery and napkins. After the meal, I put the dirty dishes away. I always vacuumed the floors and took the garbage out. She never had to shovel the driveway nor wash the car nor worry about oil changes. I did all that. I still think that both couples should split the work and there is some work whether you own a Mac Mansion or live in a 55 plus apartment. I always figures that men that sit around all day watching sports and drinking beer shouldn't expect a "nucky" at night from an exhausted wife who has been "slaving" all day.
 
People here after they retire often split but still love & live together. Their financial advisors tell them to divorce & it makes a big difference in their taxes & other financial items. They can save a lot of $$ by filing taxes as single. It all depends on your State & the people's finances.
 
Pardon the question please, but how much does or did sex factor into the decision to divorce (by either party).
Of course, no one should be compelled to answer, I am merely inquisitive. Thanks.😌
 
Pardon the question please, but how much does or did sex factor into the decision to divorce (by either party).
Of course, no one should be compelled to answer, I am merely inquisitive. Thanks.😌
Absolutely none in my case. If the other issues I mentioned in my above post had not existed I would have not had any complaint in that department. It does not make up for being miserable the rest of the time.
 
Pardon the question please, but how much does or did sex factor into the decision to divorce (by either party).😌
Not as much as money, that's for sure. https://www.theguardian.com/world/2...pay-divorce-settlement-that-could-exceed-500m

The ruler of Dubai has been ordered to pay his ex-wife Princess Haya and their two children a divorce settlement which could reach over half a billion pounds, the highest ever awarded by a UK court.
 


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