Growing apart

This is your life! It whizzes by FAST! It's not a dress rehearsal.
Are you in love with him?
ARE YOU IN LOVE WITH HIM?
If you want to stay with him, do it ALL THE WAY! Love him unconditionally! FEEL THIS LOVE FOR HIM!
Love every single thing about him! Don't complain! Don't criticize! Love his body as it is! Smile at the ways of him!
Hold him. Kiss him. Make love to him. Desire with all your heart to be with him. Show him this and he will respond.
You can't change him. Consciously look for anything or everything you can love about him and tell him!
If you absolutely can't see yourself staying with him, first try to consult a professional. If it's not repairable,
send him down the road talking to himself. You are young and still have half your life to live, not just exist, LIVE!
 

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Grampa Don said:
I'm starting to get the feeling that your husband is not solely at fault. I also have a severe hearing loss. But, I also have chronically itchy ears that several doctors have not been able to do much about. So, my hearing aids are uncomfortable and I only wear them when I go out. Is my wife happy about this? Heck no. But, she has learned that unless she speaks clearly and directly to me I won't understand her.

She has some traits that I'm not crazy about. But, they aren't worth making a fuss about. A happy marriage requires some compromises. Maybe there's a reason he concentrates on his games.

You are probably stressed from losing your job. That's understandable. I hope you can work things out. I wish you both the best.
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thank you for the reminder i am sure many things he finds about me too.
My job was temporary anyway........... i mostly do temp work so not a major stress

Hearing loss is difficult but nothing to be left alone.
Some people have more success then others and from your post you went to Doctors and Tried so if that did not work adapting is the option.

He has NEVER even tried to be seen -
failed the hearing test at work and seemed amused by that... his only attempt was buying cheap amplifiers off amazon they made everything super loud and he now says that is what hearing aids would be like...........
.i tried to show him what he is missing out on in conversations with others
it is to the point we cannot order from restaurants ... a waitress was waiting for him to pick a salad dressing and when we repeated what do you want on salad he thought we said burger he declared Mustard... i just picked for him ....but maybe I could have let her put mustard on his salad.

Grand kids send videos........ i have to tell him what they say in video he simply can not hear them. The funny is not there for him when he cannot hear the little voices say silly things.
He hides in his game because he does not have to talk about anything.
 
Gaer said:
This is your life! It whizzes by FAST! It's not a dress rehearsal.
Are you in love with him?
ARE YOU IN LOVE WITH HIM?
If you want to stay with him, do it ALL THE WAY! Love him unconditionally! FEEL THIS LOVE FOR HIM!
Love every single thing about him! Don't complain! Don't criticize! Love his body as it is! Smile at the ways of him!
Hold him. Kiss him. Make love to him. Desire with all your heart to be with him. Show him this and he will respond.
You can't change him. Consciously look for anything or everything you can love about him and tell him!
If you absolutely can't see yourself staying with him, first try to consult a professional. If it's not repairable,
send him down the road talking to himself. You are young and still have half your life to live, not just exist, LIVE!
Click to expand...
you are very wise.
Honestly, when I look at him, it always seems to be like that old sci-fi or sitcom plot of an alien taking over someones body....
I always hated that plot in TV or movies often thinking ...THE people WOULD know something is wrong or off.

He is simply NOT the same person he was ...........I don't even know this person.
 

Jeni said:
thank you for the reminder i am sure many things he finds about me too.
My job was temporary anyway........... i mostly do temp work so not a major stress

Hearing loss is difficult but nothing to be left alone.
Some people have more success then others and from your post you went to Doctors and Tried so if that did not work adapting is the option.

He has NEVER even tried to be seen -
failed the hearing test at work and seemed amused by that... his only attempt was buying cheap amplifiers off amazon they made everything super loud and he now says that is what hearing aids would be like...........
.i tried to show him what he is missing out on in conversations with others
it is to the point we cannot order from restaurants ... a waitress was waiting for him to pick a salad dressing and when we repeated what do you want on salad he thought we said burger he declared Mustard... i just picked for him ....but maybe I could have let her put mustard on his salad.

Grand kids send videos........ i have to tell him what they say in video he simply can not hear them. The funny is not there for him when he cannot hear the little voices say silly things.
He hides in his game because he does not have to talk about anything.
Click to expand...
Jeni, You have just explained the problem. He seems like a good guy! IF YOU LOVE HIM, get him to a good ear specialist. he's embarrassed about his hearing loss, seems to me. Men should never feel embarrassed.
Hang the cost. Get him comfortable, invisible hearing aids.
Just treasure him and love him unconditionally! Just love him, faults and all!
You fell in love with him once. He can be that man again. If he isn't, love him the way he is!
Don't feel sorry for yourself and your frustrations. Think how he must feel. After he can hear again, he may be a new man!
This is just my opinion. One day you will look for him, and he won't be there. Love is so important!
 
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Jeni -- I don't know why your husband doesn't want to try hearing aids. I would love to be able to understand people better. Even when wearing them my family sometimes has to answer for me when we go out to eat. They are expensive. Mine were $5000 years ago.

When you say you don't know him, that's scary. I worked with a fellow who was about to divorce his wife because she had changed so much. Then they discovered she was in the first stages of Alzheimer's. Could this be possible?
 
We have been married for fifty three years and the reason we are still so much in love is because:
We practice forgiveness. Resentment, anger and blame are normal reactions when your loved one does something hurtful.
Be realistic. Every long-term relationship will have its share of disappointments.
Develop rituals.
Listen actively.
Be honest.
Fight fair.
Always go to bed as friends.
Fidelity, be faithful to each other and temptation will not get a chance.
Throughout the highs and lows of life we have been there to support each other and although it may sound cheesy, we never forget to say: "I love you."
 
Such a good post Jeni, and I wonder how many people are in this exact same position. We know what the outcome of divorce is – you end up living in more modest accommodation with considerably less money in the bank so it’s a great incentive to stay together. So hang in there. :)
 
Jeni said:
I have thought about that situation myself.
I have had friends that told me they fell in love online never met the person in real life ....
i thought that was different.
People warn of scams and people looking to deceive someone.....
but if you do find someone to chat with and they are in similar situation of a loveless marriage etc.
Is that an emotional affair ... would it lead to an actual affair ?
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Probably.
 
Growing apart does not happen overnight. I can't imagine living in a home resenting my partner. I am a great believer in doing all you can to save a marriage, but, a person has to do what is right for them.
If the marriage is no longer loving, then it is time to rethink the living conditions. Just my opinion.
 
Grampa Don said:
Jeni -- I don't know why your husband doesn't want to try hearing aids. I would love to be able to understand people better. Even when wearing them my family sometimes has to answer for me when we go out to eat. They are expensive. Mine were $5000 years ago.

When you say you don't know him, that's scary. I worked with a fellow who was about to divorce his wife because she had changed so much. Then they discovered she was in the first stages of Alzheimer's. Could this be possible?
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I have seriously considered this lately .... when i try to explain to others how he behaves they seem baffled as it seems so odd. I have true fears of this being the case. if it is early onset how many years will i be a nurse and the fact that scares me makes me feel bad i am not ready to do that.

When i was a teenager I watched a couple ( family friends) as she slipped away and was a shell of a person ..
the husband insisted he would take care of her seemingly overnight he aged so badly and what should have been a display of LOVE became a nightmare to all of us that witnessed this. Both passed quickly but it was ugly to see how that happened.
 
My husband and Me are still married...We met in High School....We married at twenty years old....
A Son and a daughter....Both are married with 2 kids each.... We are still living the life....My Husband
worked in New York City for many years I worked in a school.......
We now have 2 homes.....in different places....when ever we go we go......
We are old, but we are still going strong....We both are in our Seventies....
God Willing......
 
I think partners who decide to take care of their spouse when they get dementia are fighting a losing battle. Nobody should be expected to care 24/7 someone who is likely to bolt or become violent, depending on their temperament. The best outcome is for them to go into full-time care. My hubby of 55 years and I have promised to do this for each other if it happens. Anthony Hopkins’ new movie The Father gives a convincing performance as he wrestles with his daughter over his tragic confused mind.
 
I think Mellowyellow is right. Our next door neighbor had Alzheimer's and we saw what his wife went through. It's tough. One day he wandered off and the cops brought him home. He had tried to enter a house on the next block. But, hopefully that's not your husband's problem.
 
peppermint said:
My husband and Me are still married...We met in High School....We married at twenty years old....
A Son and a daughter....Both are married with 2 kids each.... We are still living the life....My Husband
worked in New York City for many years I worked in a school.......
We now have 2 homes.....in different places....when ever we go we go......
We are old, but we are still going strong....We both are in our Seventies....
God Willing......
Click to expand...
Your life seems a lot like mine.Hubby and I met in H.S married when we were 20yrs old. We also have 2 children and We have 3 grandchildren. I love him soo much and I pray that I will never have to spend one day without him.
 
Gaer said:
Jeni, You have just explained the problem. He seems like a good guy! IF YOU LOVE HIM, get him to a good ear specialist. he's embarrassed about his hearing loss, seems to me. Men should never feel embarrassed.
Hang the cost. Get him comfortable, invisible hearing aids.
Just treasure him and love him unconditionally! Just love him, faults and all!
You fell in love with him once. He can be that man again. If he isn't, love him the way he is!
Don't feel sorry for yourself and your frustrations. Think how he must feel. After he can hear again, he may be a new man!
This is just my opinion. One day you will look for him, and he won't be there. Love is so important!
Click to expand...
 
Silver Lining?
Regarding the general thread/theme of "lost intimacy" and what I wrote about it myself in post #5.

I spent 11 hours at the emergency reception at the hospital yesterday with a wretched knee, x-rays, morphine, and more grief. I wrote about it in another thread. The silver lining is that my wife was an enormous help and comfort and before I went to bed last night I got a most wonderful smile and embrace that I haven't experienced in a very, very long time. It is no surprise that people (children in particular) fake illness or injury just to get some that good stuff from mum & dad.
 

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