Hello beloved seniors, I need feedback from the older humans on the planet

H

halalu

Member
Location
midwest
I know that I am old and I love my children. For me that means helping them when I can afford to help. Now as a grandparent I try to help because I love my grandchildren. I am looking around me and seeing young people having babies and expecting the parents and grand parents to carry the load. They seem to have no idea (for lack of a better word) or considerations about what it takes to raise a child or care for a child because their full intention is to burden the parent or grandparent. The news has broadcast at least six events that involved children killing grandparents or parents because they wanted something from them and they refused. Is this our future. Everything I have worked for is going to be taken from me and I am going to be laboring cleaning up behind children and grandchildren and having all my property and money used to benefit them? I help because I do not want them to suffer and I help when I can afford to help but it never ends.
 

People can only take from you in two ways... One is by doing you physical harm and stealing... The other is if you LET them.. Children usually fall into the latter... Don't let them..
 
I have always been lucky and my two Daughters and family do not ask for anything. My husband and I always wanted to give our children things while we are alive so we could see them enjoying it.Since my husband died, I am pretty much on a fixed income. I hate not being able to be generous now. There is nothing that can compare to a Grandchild's face light-up with a gift.
 

The more you allow yourself to be used, the more you WILL be used. Take control and they will learn you are no longer the easy target.
 
I am taking control but they don;t have jobs right now that allow them to move forward because of child support.
 
Sounds like you need to sit down with your "dependents" and talk about the fact that your resources need to see you till your life ends whereas theirs needs to get started ending their need to count on you for support. It's like swimming. If one doesn't learn to swim and someone is always there to keep them afloat, what happens when their supporter isn't there?
 
Is it possible that the young females and males old and young are scheming against the older males and females. The plan is to stop the old people from getting together and that way they can have us to help with their children, houses and finances and we won't be able to take what is left of our wealth and health away from them. Like I said, I am being isolated and any time I do get with a male, he suddenly disappears.
 
While I am speaking of myself being tossed aside like an old shoe, I am also thinking that I am trying to hold my family out of the gutter. I don't want what I call manhood dis-respected or beaten out of my child. I want my grandchildren to have all their needs met, but you are right. I just want or think that I have to hold them up until they can hold themselves up.
 
It starts with male or female think they are in love or more likely just enjoying sex, pregnant, babies, no money. Searches for security old man, married or un-married young woman. Young man married or un-married and loving, helping mother. Look who takes care of the babies.
 
halalu.

Ask yourself, if you give everything you have to your kids and grandchildren, and you have nothing left, who is going to look after you?..Not them , that's for sure.

If they're old enough to bring children into this world they're old enough to take financial responsibility for them, and you need to take care of yourself financially. By all means give them love and emotional support, but keep your money for your own future you're going to need it a lot sooner than them
 
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Double standard old man gets every thing that is possibly positive including sex and old woman gets labor, children, and no money or security
 
Is that why females don't trust each other? No one wants to end their life being the mother without the man. The good old double standard. They teach us to procreate get married love and care work in or out of the house and then when you get old it is like recycling. The young woman gets the men and the old woman is still caring for children, loving, working in or out of the house and no man because the young one is the attraction now. Recycling, sorry it is not my intention to sound bitter. I hope I sound logical.
 
The best thing you can do for your children is to put yourself in a position where they won't be obligated to provide monetary help to you in your old age. So many people today in their 40's, 50's, and 60's are in the "sandwich" generation......caught between their kids needing monetary help (college, getting set up to get out on their own, help with bills, providing a place to live) and their elderly parents (monetary, physical help, providing a home). What used to be the "ahhhhhh 60's", when you finally retired, had a pension and a house paid for and a little money in the bank for emergencies and could now slow down and enjoy some leisure time while you still had your health has now turned into a morass of balancing kids, grandkids and parents. Because I have planned well, if all goes according to plan, my daughter and granddaughter will not need to provide for me in my old age. That's the best thing I can do for them.
 
halalu, I know that you want your grandchildren's needs to be met. It must be feel like your heart is breaking. So sad.
But you do have control. You must make the decisions that are best for you.
You can stop enabling your children to depend on you. It's the one and only way that they will learn how to live their own lives.
As for the grandchildren, the courts usually favor on the side of the Grandparent if the children are not being cared for properly.
 
My mum and mother in law both helped my husband and I when we were first married and became parents at an early age. They were available to us, encouraged us and helped with childminding so that I could return to work and save money for a home of our own. They had little money to share but were generous with what they had. My mum bought my children's shoes and paid for my nieces' swimming lessons. She and her sister would buy towels on special to give as Christmas gifts and we were always welcome in their home for a hot meal. Such help was extremely valuable and very much appreciated.

When my daughter and daughter in law each became pregnant, I let each one know that I was there for them. I didn't want to take over their children but I would help and support them to raise their children any way I could. At times that meant helping out financially but mostly it was driving the kids places while their mothers were at work and entertaining them during the school holidays. Or like my mum, taking them to the shoe shop to buy new school shoes at the start of the new year.

Perhaps you need to have a conversation with your children to explain to them how you are able to help them and what your limitations are. Whatever you do, try to keep the links with the grandchildren strong. The best help you can give anyone is your love and your life, as a good example for them to follow.
 
halalu said:
It starts with male or female think they are in love or more likely just enjoying sex, pregnant, babies, no money. Searches for security old man, married or un-married young woman. Young man married or un-married and loving, helping mother. Look who takes care of the babies.
Click to expand...


'scuse me?
 
You have to have decent boundaries about what is YOUR problem and what is not. Your first priority has to be taking care of yourself for the long haul. You cannot let them take advantage of you, and they cannot take advantage of you unless you LET them. You are not responsible for their bad decisions and you are not responsible for cleaning up after their poor decisions. This is their problem and you cannot let it bankrupt you. You need your money for yourself for your old age -- they can find a way if they are willing to take responsibility for their own lives and stand on their own two feet. If I were you, I'd tell them I'm available with love and emotional support, but that I cannot afford to bankroll their lives and don't have the money to do so, even if I wanted to. And I'd stick by it. You are only the victim if you let them make you one -- DON'T do it.
 
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