Do You or Did you Have an Escape Fund?

Yes, we are both "lucky little ducky's" and darn proud of it.

Now, we do have a friend, a lady my wife graduated with, that sent us her Living Will and it states that she is leaving everything she owns to her sons. She told us distinctly........"do not tell or mention this to ***", her husband. She does have a separate banking acct. for her SS and he knows about it. Other than that, the only other thing she could have, without his name on it, we think, is her older Mustang. In part, due to her Lupus problems, their long-term marriage isn't the best anymore.

QuickSilver said:
Aren't you just a lucky little ducky... lol!!
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AZ Jim said:
Absolutely Holly. Women trapped in an abusive relationship should not only stash some cash but should have a woman's shelter telephone number at the ready.
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I don't know about the USA Jim, but the womens' shelters' here are pretty dire, often worse than the situation a woman has just escaped from, with drug addicted, violent women sometimes thieves and , sometimes with totally unruly children as residents // it's not somewhere all abused woman wants to go ( especially if she is alone has no children , is middle aged or elderly and has come from a middle class back ground) unless she has absolutely no choice. Many women actually choose to live on the street rather than some of these shelters.
 
hollydolly said:
I don't know about the USA Jim, but the womens' shelters' here are pretty dire, often worse than the situation a woman has just escaped from, with drug addicted, violent women sometimes thieves and , sometimes with totally unruly children as residents // it's not somewhere all abused woman wants to go ( especially if she is alone has no children , is middle aged or elderly and has come from a middle class back ground) unless she has absolutely no choice. Many women actually choose to live on the street rather than some of these shelters.
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Wow. well of course I haven't visited one in years but back when I was on the board of directors of a multi-million dollar charity fund ( General Dynamics) the ones I investigated were great.
 
Oh believe me it's rife. I help out one day a month at a homeless/refuge shelter for women and it's absolutely horrible. Some women get attacked by other 'inmates'..can you believe that, ? they come looking for refuge from an abusive situation only to be physically attacked again in a place where they are supposed to be being protected. Sure the attackers are usually given the heave ho outta there, but it can take days while an investigation goes on, and these people often have to sleep in the same room, along with up to other 5 strangers. All sharing a manky bathroom.

At 10 am every morning apart from Sundays they have to leave regardless of whether it's raining , snowing or freezing cold, and wander the streets until they are allowed to return at 6pm for an evening meal. If they are not back by 7pm they can lose their bed space to a newer applicant.

Oh I could write a book, it's appalling some of these places..not all I'm sure, at least I hope not ...but many are just as I describe.
 
And we need to remember.. when women feel the need to "escape"... they are seldom alone. They most often have children they are taking with them for their own protection. When men hit the road... it's seldom with the kids..
 
I didn't have one when I was married, but I have one now. I call it my "emergency fund". It's less than the NPR radio show on money recommends, but it's the best I can do under my circumstances. It is a good feeling to have a small cushion available for whatever might come up. I see people on TV who lose their homes in natural disasters with practically no warning - a few minutes maybe - and they lose everything to a flood, tornado, fire, sinkhole, etc. It always breaks my heart to see their tears and feel their panic. I don't want that to happen to me, but there's no way to really avoid it. If a natural disaster comes, then it comes.
 
Never needed one because I always had my own money and bank accounts. I agree that all women should have their own separate bank accounts/stash, assets, etc. Joint accounts are fine to keep money for running the household, but I believe it's important to be independent financially. You never know what's going to happen and you might need it.
 
hollydolly said:
Have you or did you ever have an escape fund squirrelled away and hidden from your o/h in case you had to make a quick getaway?

According to the media this morning..One in 10 of us have an escape fund in case we have to leave our partners.

The average amount is round £7,500..equal to approx $12,000 USD or $15000 AUD

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/art...cide-leave-partner-average-account-7-500.html
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I think it's smart, I guess I think it's smarter to be alone too, since I am, LOL!! I'm to set in my ways, to coin a very old phrase;)
 
My mother was in an extremely abusive marriage, she couldn't leave because she had children and there were no refuges then and no Lodging houses or B&B's would accept women with children..No Irish, No Blacks and No women with Children.. (50's and 60's Scotland)
She always worked part t-me as a nurse but she was never able to squirrel away any escape money because she had to hand over her pay packet unopened to my father.

If she had been able to have sole access to her own wage packet, she might have stood a chance of saving enough money to escape him, she never did, and after suffering from deep depression and several mental breakdowns and several attempts at suicide, she finally managed to escape when she took her own life at the beginning of the 70's at the very young age of under 40 years old...

I am not attempting to create a pity party for myself here...but we have to understand there are still to this day millions..yes millions of women and even men...suffering just the same way.

If by creating in any way they can an 'escape fund', then at least it gives them some kind of Hope.
 
I don't think it is nonsense, if two people really love each other, then why wouldn't they want to each have something building up for them. Life happens folks, and I think of the people I have known that were literally in shock when their marriage broke up. Same people that had their "perfect" mate. It happens, but I know it won't happen to you.

I wouldn't want to hide it, just each of us have something to fall back on should something happen. It's not always infidelity, it could be death etc.
 
nwlady said:
I don't think it is nonsense, if two people really love each other, then why wouldn't they want to each have something building up for them. Life happens folks, and I think of the people I have known that were literally in shock when their marriage broke up. Same people that had their "perfect" mate. It happens, but I know it won't happen to you.

I wouldn't want to hide it, just each of us have something to fall back on should something happen. It's not always infidelity, it could be death etc.
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I completely agree Denise.
 
I suppose when we get to a certain time in our life, we don't need a fund because our get-up-and-go, got-up-and-went. No ones going anywhere now, plus people who've been together well into old age, I imagine they can't imagine life without one another. I wonder what the stats are on, say, folks over 60 getting divorces. I mean folks that have been together for 40 or more years lets say. I still know things happen though, for death of a mate, have your life insurance. I guess there's some geezers and geezerette's that are still out there doing nono's, who knows, LOL!
 
I never felt like I needed one, and if anything ever happened to him,there were enough assets to take care of me and the kids. I`ve always wondered,do people really change that dramatically or do people just make poor choices in a mate in the first place? I am in no way dissing anyone who has been married more than once-I am honestly very curious. Wes and I knew from the moment we met that we were destined to be together for the rest of our lives. But does everyone feel that way? Or do they just think "Well,it`s good for now." I know we were awfully young when we met (15 & 17) and when we married (17 & 19) but I KNEW him. I KNEW I would never have to worry about him ever laying a hand on me or cheating on me. I KNEW he would be a great dad and a great provider. I guess I`m saying that I KNEW his character,and that doesn`t change in a person. Anyway,that`s why I never felt the need for an escape fund.
 
Mrs. Robinson said:
I never felt like I needed one, and if anything ever happened to him,there were enough assets to take care of me and the kids. I`ve always wondered,do people really change that dramatically or do people just make poor choices in a mate in the first place? I am in no way dissing anyone who has been married more than once-I am honestly very curious. Wes and I knew from the moment we met that we were destined to be together for the rest of our lives. But does everyone feel that way? Or do they just think "Well,it`s good for now." I know we were awfully young when we met (15 & 17) and when we married (17 & 19) but I KNEW him. I KNEW I would never have to worry about him ever laying a hand on me or cheating on me. I KNEW he would be a great dad and a great provider. I guess I`m saying that I KNEW his character,and that doesn`t change in a person. Anyway,that`s why I never felt the need for an escape fund.
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Well.... let's see. Does anyone tell their prospective wife (or husband)... look... I want to marry you.. and I love you... BUT I'm a serial womanizer and I am going to screw anything that let's me... so.. Dear.. If you are OK with that.. let's get hitched!! lol!! You were LUCKY.... that's all. Nobody knows any one.. until they let their guard down.
 
Mrs. Robinson said:
I never felt like I needed one, and if anything ever happened to him,there were enough assets to take care of me and the kids. I`ve always wondered,do people really change that dramatically or do people just make poor choices in a mate in the first place? I am in no way dissing anyone who has been married more than once-I am honestly very curious. Wes and I knew from the moment we met that we were destined to be together for the rest of our lives. But does everyone feel that way? Or do they just think "Well,it`s good for now." I know we were awfully young when we met (15 & 17) and when we married (17 & 19) but I KNEW him. I KNEW I would never have to worry about him ever laying a hand on me or cheating on me. I KNEW he would be a great dad and a great provider. I guess I`m saying that I KNEW his character,and that doesn`t change in a person. Anyway,that`s why I never felt the need for an escape fund.
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I think you have something for sure Ginna, poor choices in the beginning, and I mean for men and women. I think that must have been wonderful, just to know, and yes, I do believe it happens:)
 
I'll tell you what I see in this thread......a number of people that were hurt, some a whole lot, by their former spouse and they can't help to talk the way they do!

Yes, Mrs. Robinson was "lucky".........as in lucky to find a loving, caring, sharing man! Just the same as I was in meeting my wife. But, "luck" really hasn't got much, if any thing to do with it. What it really is, is knowing what you want and going after that. It took me 24 years to really figure that out and it worked for me. Neither of us had to worry about "letting our guard down", because we REALLY fell in love with each other, trusted each other and so on. There was no "guard up" at any time!

I absolutely agree with Mrs.Robinson about not needing one IF you marry the right person. Unfortunately, some people do change for the worse, and some a lot, after they get married. Both, wife and I, experienced that with our previous marriages. But, we grew/learned from our mistakes and made our lives better by meeting the right one. We have the same banking account and IMO, that's what a great marriage is all about!

As far as having a "financial stash", I really don't call that a marriage! Marriage is about sharing, not hiding! It's about having enough confidence in the spouse/marriage that a "financial stash" would not be necessary. But, for you ladies that have been thru these tragic marriages, a "stash" might have been necessary. Only you would have known that. But, for happy, trusting, loving, confident marriages..........definitely NOT necessary!

Now, my brother and his wife do have separate accounts because she wants to give more money to the church than he does.

Now, anyone else want to "pounce" on marriage and TRY to tell us couples who love being married, just how bad it is and what we should hide from our spouses? Go ahead, I love a good debate! LOL
 
ClassicRockr said:
......I really don't call that a marriage! Marriage is about sharing, not hiding! It's about having enough confidence in the spouse/marriage that a "financial stash" would not be necessary.
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I think your idea or definition of marriage is but only one model or style that suits you. But it is not the only model or style of marriage. People can determine how they want to go about things to suit their needs. Doesn't it make it right or wrong.
 
MY God CR...you really have no idea at all do you about what can happen in any kind of partnership at any time. No-one goes into a marriage as has already been pointed out...knowing that they might need an escape fund....most people get married thinking it's all going to be roses, and happy ever after, until it doesn't, and they need to get out and sometimes fast!!


It's not about being deceitful in the sense you're trying to make it out to be..it's about protecting ones self, from the unexpected..

You and Mrs R...are lucky that you didn't involve yourself with someone who became someone different to the person you first married..someone who didn't play away or beat you or the kids, or gamble or suffer from alcoholism and spend every penny that they earned on it so there's nothing left for food or clothing or bills...

It's not a lifestyle choice for most people to marry someone like that, it happens often gradually...by then it's too late to get out, when self esteem has been eroded, a few children to care for, physical injuries which make one afraid to step outside the door and embarrassed they will be judged by the world just as you are judging now.

In an ideal world every person should have some escape fund or plan just in case the unexpected or unacceptable should happen, but unfortunately this is not an ideal world.
 
Ok, then why are the my high school classmates from 1968 STILL married?? Most of them married in the early 70's! The only ones that aren't married now are those that lost their spouse and are now widows. Yes, my classmates marriages probably have had some "ups and downs" in them, just like my wife and I have had, but those classmates are all still married. Long-term marriages still there and going nicely without any "cover your butt" type funds on the side for each of them. The only funds put on the side, is their Life Insurance Policy. Not money to "run away" or "escape" on.

I didn't have a so-called "escape fund" when my wife left me and took our 2 year old with her. She left because she met a guy that had his own business. How did I survive.......I had a job and got my own apartment. My wife was never beat by her "ex", but he was a "true blue alcoholic" and she had enough of it and left.

After 14 years of great marriage, I dang sure know what a good one is........just like Mrs. Robinson does!

Like I said, it's the ladies that have had these terrible marriages that think this way. It's fine, but you are hearing from HAPPILY married people who wouldn't give it a though about having something like this. Absolutely NO WAY.

And, by the way, I'm not "judging" anyone. Don't take what I'm saying so personally! Remember, my wife and I were both in bad marriages, two each, before we met each other. I just don't see any reason to have "separate" this, that or the other.


hollydolly said:
MY God CR...you really have no idea at all do you about what can happen in any kind of partnership at any time. No-one goes into a marriage as has already been pointed out...knowing that they might need an escape fund....most people get married thinking it's all going to be roses, and happy ever after, until it doesn't, and they need to get out and sometimes fast!!


It's not about being deceitful in the sense you're trying to make it out to be..it's about protecting ones self, from the unexpected..

You and Mrs R...are lucky that you didn't involve yourself with someone who became someone different to the person you first married..someone who didn't play away or beat you or the kids, or gamble or suffer from alcoholism and spend every penny that they earned on it so there's nothing left for food or clothing or bills...

It's not a lifestyle choice for most people to marry someone like that, it happens often gradually...by then it's too late to get out, when self esteem has been eroded, a few children to care for, physical injuries which make one afraid to step outside the door and embarrassed they will be judged by the world just as you are judging now.

In an ideal world every person should have some escape fund or plan just in case the unexpected or unacceptable should happen, but unfortunately this is not an ideal world.
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I'm seeing it's getting a little HEATED UP in here.....just like the Religion thread I just read. Wow, let the Debates begin!
 
My parents are still married; after 63 years.
mt 2nd husband died after 5 years...unexpectedly.
have you any idea how difficult it is to pay anything with totally joint accounts?
no money; everything frozen....and not knowing what to do next?
 
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