I know something about this: Through my small business, for the past 20 years I've worked closely with some elite private schools and some designed for the average student. DD teaches in private school, her husband teaches public school. Also my children were educated in private school because after just a couple of years of my daughter being there, I saw that LAUSD was in serious trouble (1990s). So I've had 30 plus years of experience with private schools and quite a bit with public.
In many ways public and (non elite) private schools reversed roles since our own schooldays. Back then, kids with serious behavior problems were expelled from public schools and parents had to come up with other school solutions, usually private.
Now when children don't behave, don't turn in assignments, act inappropriately, and so forth, they get kicked out of private schools. If the action is egregious there's no warning.
Same happens to those unlucky enough to have parents railing against school rules, causing problems with the teachers, or making a general nuisance of themselves. School admins say something like, "You'll need to find a school that's a better fit for your family. Your student needs to clear his locker by the end of the day."
Codes of conduct are part of the contract families sign when enrolling their children. No due process. Private schools hold all the cards. Obviously they are judicious about using this power because they rely on tuition and their reputation. As a principal once explained during an orientation meeting, all parents were paying hefty tuition. They rightly expected their children would not be deeply influenced or distracted by those who chose to not follow school guidelines.
When my children were growing up I wanted them in schools that brooked little behavioral nonsense. Troublemakers were quickly dispatched. Drugs found in a kid's locker or backpack during a random search? Bye-bye. Involved in a few physical altercations on campus? See ya. Inappropriate clothing? Sit in the office until your parents show up, and consider it a serious warning. Extremely inappropriate clothing? Ciao, baby. Homework routinely not completed? You're skating on thin ice. We'll counsel and help you but our patience isn't inexhaustible - you'd better show up for those extra-help periods.
Dear parents, If your child is expelled some of your prepaid tuition may or may not be returned. It's all right there in the contract signed by parents and students, including the waiving of privacy of their locker and backpack contents. Oh, and some off-campus behavior can also trigger expulsion.
This frees up schools to do what they're there for: EDUCATE. When a kid knows his locker might be searched without a moment's notice, he doesn't bring contraband to school nor does he attempt to peddle it to other students while there.
On the other hand, when students have serious home problems (family deaths, serious illnesses, sudden job losses and other catastrophic situations), I've seen private schools organize extraordinary levels of support.
Public schoolsmust accept and accommodate all comers and expulsion is nearly unheard of these days. Disruptive students remain on the rolls - sucking up teachers' time and attention at the expense of the other students.
Private schools may not skim off all the best and brightest or easiest of the easiest, but they sure don't hold onto the worst of the worst or most disruptive.
During pandemic closures local private schools typically returned to in-person schooling the moment they were legally able. Their teachers have no unions. If they didn't want to return to classes they lost their jobs. Period. Public schools - rightly or wrongly - stayed out much longer.
I'm not arguing in either direction, merely pointing out why private schools are an attractive choice. My heart breaks for kids who are far behind and falling ever-farther. We must do something to shore up our public schools.
For the record, when my children were in private school I sometimes politely challenged the rules and frequently prevailed. Other times our family gritted our collective teeth and soldiered through. These were good life lessons for my children - not all situations were 100% fair or to our liking, but sometimes the wiser strategy is to keep the larger goal in mind.