Getting married, (or getting married again), and what path would you choose to advise others to do?

I met a lovely couple today, who are about to celebrate sixty years of marriage, (I'd heard of them both due to a mate doing some work in their garden, but never spoken to either of them beofe meeting at a local coffee shop, or bar).

He occasionally speaks in church I learned, so of Christian faith, whilst she says she is an atheist, though had been brought up in the Jewish faith, (rejecting it an early age she said).

It doesn't seem to have made a jot of difference so far as their marriage goes, and they've two grown up children, (plus four grandchildren, one of whom reaches the age of eighteen today!).

There we are, we can perhaps cross "similar interests" off the list of requirements, (and similar religious beliefs, so long as they've got love, and they appear to have that in slades!)! :)
 

I have divorced three husbands. My first marriage we were just too young. My second lasted for 22 years but he was controlling and verbally abusive. I left once the kids grew up. My third husband and I lived together for 6 years and were happy. Together for 23 years but he was a serial cheater the last 10. He also changed from being sweet to angry and critical. He took laziness to a art form. I am happier without him.
 
Teacher Terry said:
I have divorced three husbands. My first marriage we were just too young. My second lasted for 22 years but he was controlling and verbally abusive. I left once the kids grew up. My third husband and I lived together for 6 years and were happy. Together for 23 years but he was a serial cheater the last 10. He also changed from being sweet to angry and critical. He took laziness to a art form. I am happier without him.
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A good of mine had three husbands I believe, the first lasting only six months (so she said she didn't really count that one!), the second lasted over twenty years, as did the third husband, and one or other of them went off with the church organist, (a lady who enticed away three husbands they said, all three women being jilted knew one another too!). I can't remember what happened to the one I've not accounted for, but perhaps he died, maybe trying to keep up with his very busy wife, who managed to rear four children, adopt another, become a chemist/pharmacist and a lawyer, so not a bad record hey! :)
 
Blessed said:
I am curious, are you wanting to marry again after what you have been through?
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Only to someone like you, and if you lived somewhere in England!

I'd say to answer you more sensibly the answer would be yes, and I have lost my heart on at least one occasion since my marriage ended, (so hopefully I'm not completely traumatised or put off by the whole experience of marriage, even though I'm well aware now how difficult they can become obvously, oh and marry or live with someone without marrying is in my view almost the same thing nowadays).

BTW I'm only answering you on this aspect of my life, (so no need for anyone else to try to raise anything, ("if you dont mind"! :rolleyes::whistle: ).
 
I will say I am happy to hear that you are open to finding love. I worry that you have not let go of the betrayal in your marriage. That is something you don't want to carry into a new relationship.

To answer your original question, no I will not marry again. I would only seek to have a variety of friends, both male and female. To share social gatherings, hobbies, etc. I was married for 31 years and 3 weeks to my high school sweetheart. Like any marriage there were wonderful times, there were hard times. You just have to be committed to work through the hard things, finances, health, family issues. Of course, none of that is possible without love, trust and respect.
 
I'm good, thanks!
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Blessed said:
I will say I am happy to hear that you are open to finding love. I worry that you have not let go of the betrayal in your marriage. That is something you don't want to carry into a new relationship.

To answer your original question, no I will not marry again. I would only seek to have a variety of friends, both male and female. To share social gatherings, hobbies, etc. I was married for 31 years and 3 weeks to my high school sweetheart. Like any marriage there were wonderful times, there were hard times. You just have to be committed to work through the hard things, finances, health, family issues. Of course, none of that is possible without love, trust and respect.
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It is interesting that you worry about someone you've only recently encountered on an internet forum, though of course its very kind of you to do so!
When folks say they worry about you though, one slightly, or possibly negative connotation arising in my mind at least, is that no matter how often anyone might say they feel well out of their marriage, or "it took a few years, but now its so long ago its hard to remember what went on, never mind be still traumatised by it", this won't be sufficient to convince everyone you know your own mind and what you're saying is the truth.
I know you don't mean to do either of those two things, please accept that is my view, but one more slightly difficult situation I find, maybe all people find, when hearing folks say they're not over something, is that yes it does cause you to think you need to look further into your own psyche to decide where you need to be stronger, or more negatively, question whether you're able to be open and honest with everyone on a forum like this one.
However, I do really believe I'm pretty strong mentally now, (and believe me in " real life" I've got plenty of serious issues to try to deal with), but whether I'd have the mental strength you described yourself as possessing when in your marriage I'm not entirely sure I admit, (my father likening getting married to stepping into a metaphorical or psychological boxing ring indicates how tough he felt he needed to be!).
 
grahamg said:
It is interesting that you worry about someone you've only recently encountered on an internet forum, though of course its very kind of you to do so!
When folks say they worry about you though, one slightly, or possibly negative connotation arising in my mind at least, is that no matter how often anyone might say they feel well out of their marriage, or "it took a few years, but now its so long ago its hard to remember what went on, never mind be still traumatised by it", this won't be sufficient to convince everyone you know your own mind and what you're saying is the truth.
I know you don't mean to do either of those two things, please accept that is my view, but one more slightly difficult situation I find, maybe all people find, when hearing folks say they're not over something, is that yes it does cause you to think you need to look further into your own psyche to decide where you need to be stronger, or more negatively, question whether you're able to be open and honest with everyone on a forum like this one.
However, I do really believe I'm pretty strong mentally now, (and believe me in " real life" I've got plenty of serious issues to try to deal with), but whether I'd have the mental strength you described yourself as possessing when in your marriage I'm not entirely sure I admit, (my father likening getting married to stepping into a metaphorical or psychological boxing ring indicates how tough he felt he needed to be!).
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I have found it true, at least in my experience, that many people do not recover from an event that caused them pain and grief. I include myself in that group, ie, the death of my husband. When I say I worry it is to let you know that someone that has never met you or will meet you, has empathy for your situation. You have many threads here, that speak of this pain. You put the information out there for all the world to read. I think this is you being your own therapist and working through your feelings.

I do the same, reflection is good, overtime you can see all the angles that make the person you are. I can be strong when the need arises as I have done so many times. I am doing the same thing you are doing on this site. I have been honest and try to be open in my posts and my replies. I may be new to the board but I am old enough to have experienced many situations.

I am retired and alone, so I have all the time in the world to go back and read through the board. I was delighted to see many light hearted and funny threads today that you have made. I like to think that is who you are and want to be. I would compare marriage to a dance, once you have found the right partner, you then learn the steps together.
 
Blessed said:
I have found it true, at least in my experience, that many people do not recover from an event that caused them pain and grief. I include myself in that group, ie, the death of my husband. When I say I worry it is to let you know that someone that has never met you or will meet you, has empathy for your situation. You have many threads here, that speak of this pain. You put the information out there for all the world to read. I think this is you being your own therapist and working through your feelings.

I do the same, reflection is good, overtime you can see all the angles that make the person you are. I can be strong when the need arises as I have done so many times. I am doing the same thing you are doing on this site. I have been honest and try to be open in my posts and my replies. I may be new to the board but I am old enough to have experienced many situations.

I am retired and alone, so I have all the time in the world to go back and read through the board. I was delighted to see many light hearted and funny threads today that you have made. I like to think that is who you are and want to be. I would compare marriage to a dance, once you have found the right partner, you then learn the steps together.
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You should perhaps remember, that as a former fathers/parents rights campaigner, "going on about things" is essentially what campaigning is all about, (and I've got much to impart in terms of stories given to me by fellow campaigners, most notable amongst which are excluded grandparents, who arguably get a rougher deal than excluded dads, or mothers who have lost custody of their children).
However, I liked you analogy of marriage being "like a dance",(rather than entering a boxing ring as my father asserted), but I suppose some may find they're happy to waltz with their spouses, some are maybe engaged in an Argentine Tango, confronting one another at times, a bit like a bull fight! :)
 
grahamg said:
You should perhaps remember, that as a former fathers/parents rights campaigner, "going on about things" is essentially what campaigning is all about, (and I've got much to impart in terms of stories given to me by fellow campaigners, most notable amongst which are excluded grandparents, who arguably get a rougher deal than excluded dads, or mothers who have lost custody of their children).
However, I liked you analogy of marriage being "like a dance",(rather than entering a boxing ring as my father asserted), but I suppose some may find they're happy to waltz with their spouses, some are maybe engaged in an Argentine Tango, confronting one another at times, a bit like a bull fight! :)
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There is always some of that in every marriage, you just have to avoid the sword. LOL
 
I don't know your marital history (if any) or your life story (too lazy to go back and read threads). However, life is but a short span of episode on earth and time is an elusive commodity. If you find someone you love and who loves you back in return, go for it. Marriage is a great institution, but it needs some work to work!
 

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