Siblings - Are you close or estranged or neutral?

Cookie

Cookie

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How do you get along with your siblings? Is it better as you got older or is it still the same old stuff?
 

Brother and I are 8 years apart in age(he the older); it's always good when we get together but we just aren't close.
 

I have almost no contact with my only sibling (a sister) and I prefer to keep it that way.

She chose a path of drugs, and sponged money from my parents for years (even when they were elderly). When I took over my dad's finances last year after my mother passed I put a stop to it. She had a fit when her handouts stopped, but I can't and won't abide an able bodied adult who continues to live off elderly parents.

My sister is able bodied and just 52 years old. She has had ample opportunity, including an offer from me to pay for any level of education that she wanted, but she chose (and continues to choose) a lifestyle that shirks personal responsibility. I've also offered to pay for any and all rehab that she feels she needs, but again she prefers to continue down the self destructive path.

You can't help every puppy in the pound.
 
My relationships with my 3 siblings have gotten much better as we got older. All 3 have visited here in Scotland. I visit for a month every year and we've taken a lot of holidays together.
 
I haven't spoken to my oldest brother (11 years older than me) in over 30 years. When I was a kid he was a bit of this older wonder to me.

My other brother who is 2 years older than me lives on the opposite coast. I can say as we have gotten older we are much less close. In a lot of ways I find it difficult to talk to him either via e mail or on the phone.
 
Totally estranged.

Haven't spoken to my sister for 40 years, or my brother for fifty.

Thoroughly unpleasant people who I certainly wouldn't choose as friends.
 
I don't know how to interpret 'close'. My little sister lives 500 miles away in Queensland and we don't talk on the phone all that often but I love her deeply. I would sacrifice much to help her out if she needed me. Is that closeness?
 
I am surprised by the the number of responses about estrangement. I have three older sisters and we were all pretty close over the years when time and circumstance allowed. Now two are in facilities for dementia and the youngest one, who I was closest to, I speak to once a week...
 
Close? One lives 400 miles away, the other 12000 miles away.
but I do see them every so often; they are my siblings, am am the eldest, so I will always be there for them if they need me...and when I see my brother, it is as if we had never been apart!
 
I am the last of 5...

I had lost contact, due to moves by both of us, and tried to contact (over 30 years!) my youngest brother to no avail. We have a very common last name and searching the web did not help.

One day out of the blue his daughter contacted me, after an extensive search, and informed me that he was dying and wanted info on where our parents where buried. He wanted his ashes to be buried with them. I got to speak with him shortly, because he was too weak to talk, and he passed away about 4 hours later..

That experience brought my niece and nephews back into our family!!
 
How sad for you, Ken. I find it very sad the number of you who are estranged from your sibling(s).

My siblings and I have 12 years between the oldest and youngest. I'm second. Two girls then two boys. My sister and I always had issues but now we are close even though we are so different in many ways. We argue a bit but we always talk. We often Skype and it usually lasts about 1 1/2 hours. We (hubby and I) stay with my brother and sister when we visit family - normally two weeks at each one's house. My son doesn't really have room. The other brother lives in another state, and my hubby, sister and I will be going to visit him this Sept. and do the historic tourist stuff in New England.

Our parents are both gone, as are most of the other relatives who are a generation ahead of us. Only one left is an aunt.

My husband is the oldest of five and he is close to two of them. One died and the other is a total asshole.
 
I have one sister and she calls pretty much every day. The only problem is it's always about her lack of money and her indirectly nagging at me to give her mine or our mothers. I'm annoyed because I've given her 1/5th of my retirement money in the last 6 years. and still she can't manage her bills thanks to her lazy 28 year old daughter whose bills I am actually paying. And while I would miss her if she stopped calling, there are times I wish I didn't have a sister that was such a money pit. Thanks to her I haven't put any money in my own savings for that period of time . . . I've worked only to support her family and I think it's grossly unfair. Yet, I couldn't have let her live out on the street either. Does anyone want to adopt her?
 
I have learned... money makes people do very bad things... even to family. I always believed my male sibling to be a fairly good person.. however, when my father died he never told me.. and my father was dead and buried two weeks before an insurance company contacted me to tell me... I never got the closure I deserved. My male sibling also worked diligently, at the end of my fathers life, to convince him to make HIM his sole heir, cutting me completely off without a penny.

Very sad... and what's even sadder is that the money really was nothing to me... Not a huge amount.. it was the betrayal of trust that I will never forgive..One always thinks of family as people who stick together even when the chips are down.. However, I've learned.. not when money is involved. Family loyalty flies out the window.
 
That's so sad, QS. What a betrayal. I'd be outraged!

My mom died first and when my dad died his inheritance was split equally between the four of us.
 
I have one sister and one brother. I'm not close to either of them, especially my brother. I'm closer to my sister's kids, my nephew and niece, than I am my own daughter but seldom see them except on facebook.

My wife has two daughters and a son still living. We keep in touch with them but the distance keeps us from visiting very often.
 
Well.. it originally was... BUT much can be done to "poison the well" so to speak... especially if the person is old and an alcoholic as my father was. My male sibling saw and opportunity and took it. I'm sure that will be the only money he will have as he has never been one to manage money well.. So Bless his slimy little soul... BUT I sure would have loved to see my dad one last time and gone to his hospital bed before he died. I never will have that chance now. THAT is the sad part.. not the money. May he choke on every last penny.
 
LogicsHere said:
I have one sister and she calls pretty much every day. The only problem is it's always about her lack of money and her indirectly nagging at me to give her mine or our mothers. I'm annoyed because I've given her 1/5th of my retirement money in the last 6 years. and still she can't manage her bills thanks to her lazy 28 year old daughter whose bills I am actually paying. And while I would miss her if she stopped calling, there are times I wish I didn't have a sister that was such a money pit. Thanks to her I haven't put any money in my own savings for that period of time . . . I've worked only to support her family and I think it's grossly unfair. Yet, I couldn't have let her live out on the street either. Does anyone want to adopt her?
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Sounds like an emotional 'rock and a hard place' for you LogicsHere. It's going to be a struggle for you to decide what to do I'm sure.

I'm totally estranged from my sister (over 30 years since we last spoke). My mom still dutifully makes a point of contacting her once a month or something, but my understanding from my mom is that it's always a tough experience because my sister still has the same chip on her shoulder that she had when she was a teen. So I don't miss the contact at all.


PS: LogicsHere, if you really want to adopt her out, don't tell folks she 'ain't housebroke' :) Good luck figuring out what to do.
 
QuickSilver said:
Well.. it originally was... BUT much can be done to "poison the well" so to speak... especially if the person is old and an alcoholic as my father was. My male sibling saw and opportunity and took it. I'm sure that will be the only money he will have as he has never been one to manage money well.. So Bless his slimy little soul... BUT I sure would have loved to see my dad one last time and gone to his hospital bed before he died. I never will have that chance now. THAT is the sad part.. not the money. May he choke on every last penny.
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It's unforgivable that you didn't get to say goodbye to your dad.
 
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