Do divorced men make better husbands second time around?

rgp said:
Wrong ......... she gave every impression that she wanted to be a housewife , a just her & I situation...

In the future, pleasse do not try to speak for me , or re-type what I have already expressed.
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She gave you the "impression" she wanted to be a housewife!!??

It was so important to you that you divorced her over it. Yet you did not ask her directly about being a housewife before you married her? REALLY? It is obvious you take no ownership for your divorce; it was all you wife's fault....RIGHT?

Also, I will do whatever I please on this website, as long as I am within the posted rules for the forum...
 

rgp said:
Well, honey baby,sugarpie ....... I'm not offended at all, simply because your opinion neither breaks nor makes my day........ and everyday is a great one for me.
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Now that I'm done laughing, I understand the need for a divorce. I'm glad to see I could improve your day. But my opinion doesn't matter, which is why you keep on....... :D
 
oldaunt said:
I don't want to be a housewife either. Barn chores are much more satisfying. Why do men think a woman even SHOULD be a "housewife"? Try being a househusband and see how YOU like it.
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This is the crux of the men (and women) who took down, and proceed to stomp on, Roe. Stay in your place, woman. Don't bother wearing shoes and the kitchen is to your right.
 

It's so hard to generalize female/male relationships because, as others have said, we are all individuals. We come with our unique baggage, our traumas, our achievements, our hurts, and our wants into a relationship. I think @Nathan did the right thing in his second marriage of dating/courting for several years before marrying again. I think in order for a marriage to work, there needs to be love, and above all, we need to communicate, communicate, communicate. Get to know the other person well before marrying. I'd rather have a companion at this stage in my life than a husband, because a "looser" relationship fits me well. I am free to come and go, and can pick and choose times and days to meet. I've been single 9 years now (since my husband's death) and although, have felt lonely many times, I've gotten used to being my own friend. I honestly don't have a companion. but have many friends that fill the gaps. No one has been able to replace my late husband, unfortunately.
 
palides2021 said:
It's so hard to generalize female/male relationships because, as others have said, we are all individuals. We come with our unique baggage, our traumas, our achievements, our hurts, and our wants into a relationship. I think @Nathan did the right thing in his second marriage of dating/courting for several years before marrying again.
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Actually that was after my 3rd divorce :unsure: and in preparation for my present marriage.

palides2021 said:
I think in order for a marriage to work, there needs to be love, and above all, we need to communicate, communicate, communicate. Get to know the other person well before marrying. I'd rather have a companion at this stage in my life than a husband, because a "looser" relationship fits me well. I am free to come and go, and can pick and choose times and days to meet. I've been single 9 years now (since my husband's death) and although, have felt lonely many times, I've gotten used to being my own friend. I honestly don't have a companion. but have many friends that fill the gaps. No one has been able to replace my late husband, unfortunately.
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I lived alone for several years after my last divorce, I just worked my job and on my days off rarely saw or talked to anyone other than the super market cashiers. I didn't want anymore drama or doomed relationships, I took 'time out' to look for answers. But I did learn that just being me was OK.
 
Nathan said:
Actually that was after my 3rd divorce :unsure: and in preparation for my present marriage.


I lived alone for several years after my last divorce, I just worked my job and on my days off rarely saw or talked to anyone other than the super market cashiers. I didn't want anymore drama or doomed relationships, I took 'time out' to look for answers. But I did learn that just being me was OK.
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Thanks for the clarification, @Nathan!
 
Timewise 60+ said:
She gave you the "impression" she wanted to be a housewife!!??

It was so important to you that you divorced her over it. Yet you did not ask her directly about being a housewife before you married her? REALLY? It is obvious you take no ownership for your divorce; it was all you wife's fault....RIGHT?

Also, I will do whatever I please on this website, as long as I am within the posted rules for the forum...
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Well, we did discuss it directly,as i stated if you'd bother to read ..... We were going ot be a "normal" married couple ........ then she did not want to cook or clean, I had to drive 7 miles to her mother's for a "home-cooked" meal, even on nights when I worked my second job. [Usually] 2-3 nights p/week. Putting myself in bed @ about mid-night, on those nights.

Then I discovered that her mother & g/mother were doing the cleaning , during the day while [we] were gone., etc. I brought home my paychecks, never raised a hand to her , wasn't a drunk, never messed the apartment, etc & so-on ...... So no I do not see where I have any "ownership" in the divorce . Other than having " up to here" so I left.

We talked about it, she said she would talk to her mother about "butting-out" It never happened .

Indeed say what you choose ....... so long as it does not hint that you are speaking from/for me/change a sentence that I typed.
 
oldaunt said:
Now that I'm done laughing, I understand the need for a divorce. I'm glad to see I could improve your day. But my opinion doesn't matter, which is why you keep on....... :D
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I "keep-on" because I am try to politely explain my position. If you are just going to see it as comedy ? Then I'll no longer bother.
 
I don't think any man or woman would necessarily make a better spouse the second time around. Some people just keep making the same old mistakes. When I married my (ex) wife, I was her third or fourth husband. She was my first wife. In our case, we had some "history," since we had briefly dated 33 years previously. But we just weren't a good match for each other. I was 49 years old, and still had a lot of growing to do.

I may never get married again. Now I'm 72, and have grown a lot in just the past decade. I'd be happy just to have a good female friend.
 
rgp said:
I did see that .... but I left out the "almost perfect part" :rolleyes: which of course they are not. Hope you'll forgive my repeating.
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"They're not"???? :cautious::censored::cry::oops:

Do you have that on good authority, (or alternatively have your partner's permission to utter such a statement?)?

I feel like my world's just fallen apart now, do you mean to say I've been deluded all these years into believing my wife/ex-wife knew everything, was the font of all knowledge and never put a foot wrong, when she was a fallible minxtress the whole time? :eek::rolleyes::whistle:
 
Lavinia said:
Most men have difficulty seeing any fault in themselves....someone else is always to blame. I have chatted to so many men whose wives left them and their attitude is always the same.
Therefore, I would say no, a man would not be a better husband second time round.
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Here is something odd I've picked up on, and it applies equally to men and women I believe.

I've found very few who have anything good to say about their exes, (and can probably count on the fingers of one hand how many people I know who have had good things to say about them).

However, one thing anyone breaking up with a spouse or long term partner should bear in mind is that whoever it was they choose to live with does say something about themselves(?).

My ex would admit this, but only to the extent of saying our seven year marriage was a "mistake",...., implying in my view there was never any love there, (or certainly not from her side, which I'd suggest has to be a slight distortion as you'd surely expect someone as smart as she was to have realised something was well and truly wrong more quickly wouldn't you?!?). :whistle:
 
Blessed said:
If you would just get married you will be just fine. Go find her you silly guy!
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Life should be that simple shouldn't it, and if we were all like you, (and I do mean this sincerely, though it my not sound like it), and were as honest and straightforward as you most obviously are, and able to make another person feel as comfortable with themselves as I'm sure you were, then it could be just as you say.

Unfortunately some of us "lesser mortals", (/"bigger fools"), cannot live life so easily or straightforwardly, as we're likely to get outa shape over silly little things we shouldn't be bothering about, then we've a penchant for the kind of woman who likes to "twist a man around her little finger", and if all that wasn't enough we're now in the category of "once bitten, twice shy", and are wary of the kind of failure we've experienced occurring again.

It doesn't leave much room for hope does it, hence my thread on "looking for an exceptional woman", or I could have said "I'm looking for an exceptionally rare woman, one who will both put up with me, whilst endeavouring to bring the best out of me, and at the same time pricking my interest in the required manner!" :giggle:
 
Blessed said:
I wish you much happiness in all things. I hope you will find an exceptional woman to build a happy life with!
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Now there you go again,.........., there is one thing for absolutely sure, and its that you're far too good for me, I do need a slightly minxy type of woman, "someone I could argue with essentially"! :rolleyes: :)
 
rgp said:
Well, we did discuss it directly,as i stated if you'd bother to read ..... We were going ot be a "normal" married couple ........ then she did not want to cook or clean, I had to drive 7 miles to her mother's for a "home-cooked" meal, even on nights when I worked my second job. [Usually] 2-3 nights p/week. Putting myself in bed @ about mid-night, on those nights.

Then I discovered that her mother & g/mother were doing the cleaning , during the day while [we] were gone., etc. I brought home my paychecks, never raised a hand to her , wasn't a drunk, never messed the apartment, etc & so-on ...... So no I do not see where I have any "ownership" in the divorce . Other than having " up to here" so I left.

We talked about it, she said she would talk to her mother about "butting-out" It never happened .

Indeed say what you choose ....... so long as it does not hint that you are speaking from/for me/change a sentence that I typed.
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Wow, You say, "We were going to be a 'normal' married couple"...so your definition of 'normal' is for the wife to be a traditional "housewife"? REALLY?
The rest of your story is pretty much fiction, I think. Regardless, you obviously blame the demise of your marriage 100% on your wife...which is also, fiction! Although you probably actually believe it...

By the way, you better check above and make sure I did not change anything you wrote....! You just never know, what one might do!
 
Timewise 60+ said:
Wow, You say, "We were going to be a 'normal' married couple"...so your definition of 'normal' is for the wife to be a traditional "housewife"? REALLY?
The rest of your story is pretty much fiction, I think. Regardless, you obviously blame the demise of your marriage 100% on your wife...which is also, fiction! Although you probably actually believe it...
By the way, you better check above and make sure I did not change anything you wrote....! You just never know, what one might do!
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I hope you wont mind my saying this, but if you checked out an earlier post of mine you will find my comment about just how rare I believe it is to find anyone prepared to say anything good about their exes, (I know of less than five such former couples prepared to say positive things and accept failings on their own part).

If I'm right, and our forum friend is doing as you suggest, and not being fair in any way, (putting words in their mouth or not), its surely hard to criticise any one individual blaming their ex for everything, when so many so so, (and maybe feel so aggrieved or whatever they cant think of any good things to say).

I agree people should try to be as fair as possible in all matters, but have to be prepare to accept too, many cant/wont do this too.
 
Timewise 60+ said:
Wow, You say, "We were going to be a 'normal' married couple"...so your definition of 'normal' is for the wife to be a traditional "housewife"? REALLY?
The rest of your story is pretty much fiction, I think. Regardless, you obviously blame the demise of your marriage 100% on your wife...which is also, fiction! Although you probably actually believe it...

By the way, you better check above and make sure I did not change anything you wrote....! You just never know, what one might do!
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The rest of my "story" is fiction ? So you were there ? you know what was disucssed ? You know what was promised / Implied ? WoW !you must be clairvoyant ? or you were in the same room @ the time ? Or, are you actually my ex wife ? and havve figured out this is me ?

WoW !! I do yield to your superior intellect & clairvoyant way ...... you are truly an amazing individule .... <sarc>

I never said that I blame the demise of my marriage on my ex wife .... I said i blame it mostly on my ex mother-in-law , and her influence on my ex & my ex's propensity to believe and satisfy her mother.
 
Timewise 60+ said:
Wow, You say, "We were going to be a 'normal' married couple"...so your definition of 'normal' is for the wife to be a traditional "housewife"? REALLY?
The rest of your story is pretty much fiction, I think. Regardless, you obviously blame the demise of your marriage 100% on your wife...which is also, fiction! Although you probably actually believe it...

By the way, you better check above and make sure I did not change anything you wrote....! You just never know, what one might do!
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"Wow, You say, "We were going to be a 'normal' married couple"...so your definition of 'normal' is for the wife to be a traditional "housewife"? REALLY?"

In a nutshell yes . 50 years ago, this was not an unreasonable belief/assumption. It was pretty much the way things were done . Fast foward to today .... maybe not so much.

But there I go again .... questioning your superiority in all things ..... please forgive ..... if i am worthy ?
 
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