I was haunted by unresolved childhood trauma

[Mr. Ed]

Coming to terms with what was unresolved childhood trauma caused by my father. Prior to my recent dismissal of bible and religion I was haunted by an event between my father and I that occurred two days before my 16th birthday. I think because my father was insecure with his own life and sexual awareness he transferred his fears and ungodly inhibitions for me to bear most of my adult life.

I tried to forgive my dad over and over in search of reconciliation but nothing worked. I was haunted in every sense of the word with no sign of peace. I was not a happy Christian there were too many facts that didn't line up that caused me to doubt everything I was told and everything I read about Christianity so I stopped believing. But that wasn't enough to severe my ties with the Christian faith, I had to distance myself from the root of Christianity by revoking my belief in the Bible.

Through these methods and nothing else did the hangings end. If not by chance I would not know peace.

 

[Pepper]

Wondering what took place in the event two days before your sixteenth BD.

 

[Lara]

Wondering what took place in the event two days before your sixteenth BD.

Why? Mr. Ed said he was "haunted by the event". Isn't that enough? Why do you want to put disturbing details into your mind that will haunt you forever as well? Mr. Ed did the right thing to tell us only enough to express his "unresolved childhood trauma". If he had gone into the darkest of details then unsuspecting members would read it before realizing how much it could affect their own sensitivities. I for one.

Mr. Ed, I'm so sorry for the pain you've suffered.
As my tagline says below, "Find what you love and let it heal you".
Peace be with you.

 

[Pepper]

Gee Gosh Golly Lara. I apologize but when I read your post just had to My goodness gracious, that's up to Ed to decide. No harm in asking. I care about Ed.

 

[Paco Dennis]

In my life I too am haunted by some terrible events in my young life. They have left permanent scars and pain. They are deep wounds. Then along my way, I experienced several very tramatic events, and still do. We all have our own way of dealing with these past trauma's. No buddy has the "best" way to deal with such deep and complex problems. Someone to talk to that has experience with coping with these issues is probably a good idea. I guess eating well, exercise, meditation/rest, and maybe some medication is the best we can hope for.

 

[Judycat]

My parents really messed me up. I was expected to be an obedient child but also expected to know I could never satisfy them. I just turned off my feelings. I can and do express feelings out of politeness and social expectations but only because it makes things easier for me. There's nothing there in reality, except maybe anger sometimes. It's better than continually feeling the sting of guilt and shame though. Stress builds up and I have to find a way to let it out. So I'm not off the hook entirely, but I'm done apologizing for what I am, and no I'm not going to change.

 

[Colleen]

My parents really messed me up. I was expected to be an obedient child but also expected to know I could never satisfy them. I just turned off my feelings. I can and do express feelings out of politeness and social expectations but only because it makes things easier for me. There's nothing there in reality, except maybe anger sometimes. It's better than continually feeling the sting of guilt and shame though. Stress builds up and I have to find a way to let it out. So I'm not off the hook entirely, but I'm done apologizing for what I am, and no I'm not going to change.

I can relate to everything you said, especially "I could never satisfy them". I'm 75 and struggled with that my whole life. Even though my parents have been gone for many years, I still berate myself for not being a better daughter. I, too, have closed off feelings and it's been a disappointment to my husband. I've been verbally abused (parents), and lied to and cheated on by my ex (who just passed away), and a son who hates me, so all that has left deep scars that I hide by building walls around myself and won't let anyone in.

 

[Remy]

I'm very sorry. Believe me, I know what early trauma does to a person.

Here is another good short YouTube video that really resonated with me. I watch Patrick Teahan, Kim Sage and Crappy Childhood Fairy. They are victim focused and while nothing will ever cure me, the validation does help.

https://youtube.com/shorts/sJrE7veeeiI?feature=share

 

[Judycat]

I'm very sorry. Believe me, I know what early trauma does to a person.

Here is another good short YouTube video that really resonated with me. I watch Patrick Teahan, Kim Sage and Crappy Childhood Fairy. They are victim focused and while nothing will ever cure me, the validation does help.

https://youtube.com/shorts/sJrE7veeeiI?feature=share

Thank you.