Meeting and Relating to People Your Age

Tabby Ann

Tabby Ann

Member
Location
Southern Indiana
It is well known that young people prefer their own age groups to socialize with and can’t relate entrely to the challenges of Senior Citizens. However, the preferences and inability of the different age groups within the broad sprectum of Senior Citizens is rarely discussed. The term Senior Citizen includes those from 55 to 105 and this is a very broad range. When I was 70 years old I worked full time and maintained a house and an active social life. And while I respected those over 80, I really didn’t give much thought to their challenges or limitations, and they were certainly too slow for me to socialize with.

However, I found the downhill progression of aging is not a steady straight line but progresses more rapidly after 70 and can be accelerated by a fall or major illness. So I soon found myself over 80 and faced with completely different challenges than I had at 70. Many of the comments on here reflect the inability of Senior Citizens under 80 to grasp the mobility issues and energy loss of those over 80. Therefore there are many suggestions and comments that are not well thought out and are totally unrealistic if you haven’t been there or done that yourself. And society itself has not provided well for those over 80 with mobility issues.
 

Interesting post. I am only turning 70 next month and have to admit that I am starting to feel some of that slowing down and mobility change.

I am in pretty good shape, go to the gym several days a week. However that isn't helping as much as I would like it to.

There are three women in their 80s who I see regularly in classes at the gym, I can see that working out helps them, but they are not as limber as I. I of course am a lot less limber than the majority of folks there, the ones younger than me.

It seems to me that of the over 60ish folks at the gym the women do better than the men... me included. Not sure if that's consistent or just a small sample size.

Anyway I appreciate your insights, I am headed your direction, hopefully...
 
I also will be 70 next month. I have developed idiopathic neuropathy in the past 4 months. It has totally changed my mobility and the ability to relate to those who are not having difficulties. I try to keep an optimistic view, but sometimes it is too much and a deep fatigue sets in. I have to just relax and do nothing during those times. This happens to those much younger, so in some ways everyone can relate to having tough times. As we continue to age it is much more likely that illness will increase the older we become. It IS only natural. As far as relating to others, I think we all do the best we can.
 

I just turned 70 a few months ago and try not to let that number affect the way I feel. I interact with people that are a few years younger and some that are quite a bit older almost daily. Plus I worked as a CNA and understand issues that people have as they age. Of course, back in my forties, I didn't understand them as well as I do now. I helped care for my parents and watched them age.

I try to make it a point to walk somewhere every day depending on the weather. I always remember that saying, "Use it or lose it." Even though I use a walker when I walk, I am walking. A mobility chair gives me the independence to get groceries if I run out of something and don't have to ask someone to get them for me (or use Instacart). Recently I started doing a dumbbell arm work-out three days a week. I had been dropping things because my grip seemed off. It has been helping.

I think the key is to research what you need to do to improve your mobility as soon as you notice something is off (or before). Start improving your immune system before you have something wrong. Keeping busy doing things has helped me a lot. Otherwise living in a downtown apartment would drag me down.
 
When I asked my mother what it was like to be old she always replied 'you'll find out.' I think she didn't want to complain, but I wish she had informed me. I really had no idea of her physical challenges as she didn't share. Funny, because she shared most everything else.
 
Very true; I've noticed some comments on here and am married to someone who's attitude is sometimes unrealistic; for instance: "Whaddaya talking about 'when neither one of us can still drive or manage steps'?! Not gonna happen to me; if I live to be 102 and still think I can drive, even if no one else does, I'm gonna keep driving! So there!" I think sometimes that kind of attitude is denial, "if I don't even think about something unpleasant that might be coming, I'll keep it from happening", a kind of wishful thinking maybe.
 
officerripley said:
Very true; I've noticed some comments on here and am married to someone who's attitude is sometimes unrealistic; for instance: "Whaddaya talking about 'when neither one of us can still drive or manage steps'?! Not gonna happen to me; if I live to be 102 and still think I can drive, even if no one else does, I'm gonna keep driving! So there!" I think sometimes that kind of attitude is denial, "if I don't even think about something unpleasant that might be coming, I'll keep it from happening", a kind of wishful thinking maybe.
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Maybe it is something like "not doing your homework". Lazy. When your relatively free to do want you want you do not want restrictions. But, limitations are what we deal with constantly. Some of those limitations become an end to something...a loss. We hate loss. I think when we get a certain age when those losses represent our death we have a different kind of denial. This is more like "faking playing sick so you could skip school". Now we can't make excuses or make up stories that fool ourselves. Sickness and death are real...especially when we are old at some point.

I just heard last night that in 10 years there will be 3 times the people who are over 60, than any other generation. We also are lacking in health care. This getting old is going to get pretty nasty in the near future. IMHO :)
 
I am 70 now and I am so worried about my physical in later years. I have been walking everyday for an hour now for over 2 years. I do feel better and stronger and have lost some weight but I still feel it is not enough. Bad days when I have overworked myself and am sore the next day is solved by doctor prescribed pain meds but I do not want to depend on them in later years. Planning on joining a recreation club with younger son and go to public swim a couple of times a week. Really trying to incorporate more fruit everyday in my diet. BTW I have a 75 yr old brother with dementia and mobility issues - it is not fun!

I think some people (like me) cannot really see into the future and realize that we need to be doing something NOW so maybe our physical decline can be handled more effectively; or maybe my head is just in the sand.
 
This is where senior forums come in extremely useful for the younger seniors to learn from the older seniors..

Someone age 50 ( minimum age for this forum).. is far removed mentally and physically ( those in good health).. than someone of 80 or 90 years old.. so when I joined senior forums at 50 years old.. I read the threads of the older folks, and learned lots from them, and mixed mostly with my peers in the 50-60 age group.. because we understood at what stage of life we were all at...

Fast forward 17 years , and I'm 67... again I still take notice of people 20 years older, with great interest trying to learn what might be ahead of me.. but now more interaction with that age group than when I was 50 ( which is now close to my DD's age, and she would never dream of joing a senior forum) but by the same token, watching and learning from those a decade older..
 
Pepper said:
When I asked my mother what it was like to be old she always replied 'you'll find out.' I think she didn't want to complain, but I wish she had informed me. I really had no idea of her physical challenges as she didn't share. Funny, because she shared most everything else.
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I believe your mother understood that you would not understand because of your youth. I stopped sharing my "issues" with my kids when I realized that was the case. When they want me to do something not in my comfort zone and I decline they say I'm being stubborn not understanding that I would love to do it but lack the ability now.
 
hollydolly said:
This is where senior forums come in extremely useful for the younger seniors to learn from the older seniors..

Someone age 50 ( minimum age for this forum).. is far removed mentally and physically ( those in good health).. than someone of 80 or 90 years old.. so when I joined senior forums at 50 years old.. I read the threads of the older folks, and learned lots from them, and mixed mostly with my peers in the 50-60 age group.. because we understood at what stage of life we were all at...

Fast forward 17 years , and I'm 67... again I still take notice of people 20 years older, with great interest trying to learn what might be ahead of me.. but now more interaction with that age group than when I was 50 ( which is now close to my DD's age, and she would never dream of joing a senior forum) but by the same token, watching and learning from those a decade older..
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Well said. The knowledge that is available to younger adults is right here in front of them. The stories shared can be a valuable tool in their next steps on this rollercoaster ride called aging, if they take it in. Like all advice, it is only useful if one takes heed.
 
Tabby Ann said:
It is well known that young people prefer their own age groups to socialize with and can’t relate entrely to the challenges of Senior Citizens. However, the preferences and inability of the different age groups within the broad sprectum of Senior Citizens is rarely discussed. The term Senior Citizen includes those from 55 to 105 and this is a very broad range. When I was 70 years old I worked full time and maintained a house and an active social life. And while I respected those over 80, I really didn’t give much thought to their challenges or limitations, and they were certainly too slow for me to socialize with.

However, I found the downhill progression of aging is not a steady straight line but progresses more rapidly after 70 and can be accelerated by a fall or major illness. So I soon found myself over 80 and faced with completely different challenges than I had at 70. Many of the comments on here reflect the inability of Senior Citizens under 80 to grasp the mobility issues and energy loss of those over 80. Therefore there are many suggestions and comments that are not well thought out and are totally unrealistic if you haven’t been there or done that yourself. And society itself has not provided well for those over 80 with mobility issues.
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Great! Putting aside those that are much younger understanding the aging journey, I remember, those in the age group on this forum can learn from those that are farther along on that path. I have said, always expect the unexpected and as we age the unexpected comes along much more frequently. I am 71, twelve years ago I was a strong 230 pound man and I had a surgical event that took me from that man to one , when I looked in the mirror one month later, my first thought was Auschwitz survivor. I lost 80 pounds in one month and have only gained 25 pounds since with some neurological issues that inhibit many of my abilities. I say this to support my prior statement, expect the unexpected. Don't be fearful, live each moment as though it will be the last, if possible, and enjoy your body now. I miss mine. I loved being in my body and lived like I did.
 
hollydolly said:
The other thing for me is that my mother died when I was a teen and she was in her 30's.. so I never had a mother to learn from or to know at what stage she might have had certain issues
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I think that makes many things harder. Mothers usually are who we turn to when we don't know what to do. I know for myself, I was fortunate to have my mother until I was fifty. But I feel I have needed her more in these last years than ever before.
 
My boyfriend is 70 also and he has many health issues, yet he is involved in racing go-karts and radio cars. Most of the guys he is friends with in this sport are either older race car drivers (who can't race any longer) or the younger guys who are into it too. I see it as being good for him. Last night he didn't get home till one. He is the flagman on turn three. I wouldn't say it keeps him young but it keeps in involved in life. His phone is constantly ringing from questions these guys have (he knows a lot about racing, been doing it since he was a kid). Plus he is a very happy type of guy and they will call to check on him if they don't hear from him.
 
katlupe said:
My boyfriend is 70 also and he has many health issues, yet he is involved in racing go-karts and radio cars. Most of the guys he is friends with in this sport are either older race car drivers (who can't race any longer) or the younger guys who are into it too. I see it as being good for him. Last night he didn't get home till one. He is the flagman on turn three. I wouldn't say it keeps him young but it keeps in involved in life. His phone is constantly ringing from questions these guys have (he knows a lot about racing, been doing it since he was a kid). Plus he is a very happy type of guy and they will call to check on him if they don't hear from him.
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Sounds like a good guy, hope those health issues don't hold him back much.
 
Brookswood said:
As I age I notice that healing takes longer, strength fades away at an alarming rate, and aches and pains just keep coming. I do my best to limit the decline but the reality is that after 70 there is a sharp drop off in strength for both men and women.
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Yep, it happens, I am 70 and feeling it. I workout at the gym to try and slow it, and I think it helps, but it doesn't stop.
 
I'll be 60 in a few short years...guess that makes me one of the youngins on the forum.

I've purposely steered clear of the more senior member's posts, not really wanting to chime in with an opinion that doesn't really jive.

But what is that old saying?...

"I'm old enough to know better, but young enough to do it anyways."

I like the patience and kindness I've been witnessing on this forum. It's quite refreshing...a forum with very little snark.
 
You know that commercial "don't become your parents". I am there. It's not so bad! I enjoy talking to people my age or older when I am out and about. I was at Walmart the other day a woman was asking where the calomine lotion was. I was right behind her, I said I am following you because I need the same type of product. We went together, to that area.

We both could not see it at first, after looking together, I found it. There was only one bottle left. She said "oh, you got the last one!". I said no, you got the last one and handed it to her. I was looking for something anti itch for bug bites. We had a good time just chatting and shopping together.
 
I meet and relate to people my own age and I believe I have done that all my life. I am curious if people do not relate to people their own age is there some of psychology thing to deal with it?
 
Lawrence said:
I meet and relate to people my own age and I believe I have done that all my life. I am curious if people do not relate to people their own age is there some of psychology thing to deal with it?
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Not necessarily. Long ago I read somewhere that people usually have the most in common with people in their own age group.. but that doesn't take background/lifestyle factors into consideration.
 


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