If someone made a movie about my life, it would be titled______

I've been all in at my pity-party for months now, but Paxton's grandma told me his mom said me and Michelle can have him for an overnight visit next month. Pity-Party over!
Few people enjoy being on the pity pot, and I hated myself when I got that way, but here's a little trick I came up on my own based on my theory that grief and depression should not be ignored: When I found myself feeling sorry for myself, I would allow myself to go "all in (as you put it)" and totally wallow in my self pity for a specified time. Depending on intensity, that might be an hour, day, or whatever. What I found was that I never had to use the time I allowed if I let myself fully go without feeling guilty about any of it. It was usually gone in 30 minutes. Actually, I never kept time, because I would suddenly realize I hadn't even been thinking about my plight for a long time.
 
Few people enjoy being on the pity pot, and I hated myself when I got that way, but here's a little trick I came up on my own based on my theory that grief and depression should not be ignored: When I found myself feeling sorry for myself, I would allow myself to go "all in (as you put it)" and totally wallow in my self pity for a specified time. Depending on intensity, that might be an hour, day, or whatever. What I found was that I never had to use the time I allowed if I let myself fully go without feeling guilty about any of it. It was usually gone in 30 minutes. Actually, I never kept time, because I would suddenly realize I hadn't even been thinking about my plight for a long time.
I use meditation, Dave. And I'm really good at it; I can go as deep as I want. It works great, but these days - that is, for the past several months - it only works for a couple hours or so. More specifically, it works pretty well on my depression...I'm not having the same luck overcoming the pain. The only way to relieve myself of the pain is to sit and relax. Then the self-pity kicks in again. Sitting and relaxing, for me, has never been as easy as it sounds. It's a brand new challenge, and I really suck at it so far.

But maybe it isn't self-pity, exactly. Maybe my brain is schlep-shaming me -- "You should be washing the dishes; You still haven't trimmed that tree; Why are you not doing the shopping right now; Why are you just sitting there....?"

I can't understate how worthless this makes me feel.
 
I use meditation, Dave. And I'm really good at it; I can go as deep as I want. It works great, but these days - that is, for the past several months - it only works for a couple hours or so. More specifically, it works pretty well on my depression...I'm not having the same luck overcoming the pain. The only way to relieve myself of the pain is to sit and relax. Then the self-pity kicks in again. Sitting and relaxing, for me, has never been as easy as it sounds. It's a brand new challenge, and I really suck at it so far.

But maybe it isn't self-pity, exactly. Maybe my brain is schlep-shaming me -- "You should be washing the dishes; You still haven't trimmed that tree; Why are you not doing the shopping right now; Why are you just sitting there....?"

I can't understate how worthless this makes me feel.
I myself Meditate every morning. I don't do deep meditation, however my meditation consist of sitting quite in the present moment for a few minutes, music, reading, watching Motivational/Wisdom You Tube video - I spend about 3 hours....no tv, etc.. Priceless. I am a work in progress learning to live in the Present moment..Love it there - Peace and Freedom!!! đź’•
 
I use meditation, Dave. And I'm really good at it; I can go as deep as I want. It works great, but these days - that is, for the past several months - it only works for a couple hours or so. More specifically, it works pretty well on my depression...I'm not having the same luck overcoming the pain. The only way to relieve myself of the pain is to sit and relax. Then the self-pity kicks in again. Sitting and relaxing, for me, has never been as easy as it sounds. It's a brand new challenge, and I really suck at it so far.

But maybe it isn't self-pity, exactly. Maybe my brain is schlep-shaming me -- "You should be washing the dishes; You still haven't trimmed that tree; Why are you not doing the shopping right now; Why are you just sitting there....?"

I can't understate how worthless this makes me feel.
Someone already took my movie title "If it isn't one thing, it's another". :)

Dealing with this is an hourly thing for me now. I can meditate and calm my mind and body, but the pain returns and like you so does the depressive thoughts and feelings.
 

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