Are you in peace or turmoil?

I wouldn't say I'm in either peace or turmoil. It's more like numb. It began in early June when my wife entered the hospital and peaked in early August when she passed away. August was spent tying up loose ends, sorting through her stuff, and trying to figure out what to do with it. Our little dog Sparky is 15 and failing and I have to consider when to let him go. And then what? I have no long term plans. Right now I just want some stability.
 
Mostly at peace. Going to my stepsonā€™s wedding Saturday was fun but left me depressed about what could have been if his dad didnā€™t have a sexual addiction. He lost his mom 2 years ago and then 4 months later we divorced so my poor stepson has had a lot of difficult things happen at once. I was so looking forward to being a grandma and probably wonā€™t get to see any kids they have very often. We have a good relationship and keep in touch but itā€™s different.
 
NorthernLight said:
Turmoil. First world problems, sure, but the boredom and loneliness are getting to me. Also a couple of things from my past that I haven't put to rest.
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You sound like you live in a very remote and isolated region. Are you able to socialize via Zoom or Google Meet? All you would need is a good Internet connection and a decent web cam which most laptop computers have built in. Or you can do this simply using a smart phone. If you need help getting this going just post here, and I'm quite sure somebody will offer to help you.
 
I am definitely at peace. We had a horrible storm last night and lost electricity. Now the power company has restored only partial electricity (covered in another thread), but I still think how well off I am compared to those who have no electricity, those in Pakistan where over 100k people have perished in floods or those in Jackson, MS who have endured flooding an water shortages. Each of our problems are important to us, but putting it all into perspective, it could always be worse and in that respect I still have a good life.
 
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sch404 said:
You sound like you live in a very remote and isolated region. Are you able to socialize via Zoom or Google Meet? All you would need is a good Internet connection and a decent web cam which most laptop computers have built in. Or you can do this simply using a smart phone. If you need help getting this going just post here, and I'm quite sure somebody will offer to help you.
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Thank you so much, friend. I have limited Internet and prefer not to do video chats. I talk to my language partner in Guatemala 5 times a week and host an online game (audio only) twice a week. The town is isolated, yes, but there are people here, so it shouldn't be too bad, in theory anyway.

And, I can express my thoughts here and get some good feedback. Much appreciated.
 
MissPat said:
I have just signed up, but I don't understand what I'm supposed to do. MissPat
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Welcome from Canada, MissPat. Glad you joined us. Just take your time. It can be a bit confusing at first, perhaps a tad overwhelming. My suggestion? Check out some threads,

familiarise yourself with the set up. When you feel comfortable, you can join in discussions, play games, or whatever you find appealing. šŸ˜Š
 
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I am in turmoil. I lost a very close dear friend 2 months ago and I haven't been able to stop blaming myself since. How does a person get passed something like this? I know her death wasn't all my fault, but had I known how ill she was, I may have been able to help her in some way to get the help she needed. I know a lot of people around the country that deals in specific types of ailments and if I had only known she was as bad off as she was, I may have been able to get her the help she needed to survive. I never realized how sick she really was because she lived about 350 miles away from me and I depended on people close to her to keep me informed of her situation, but they never told me to what depth or scope her illness was.

I was going to ask her to marry me this Christmas and even though it was too late for us to start a family, we would have been good for each other. She had 3 failed marriages, 2 due to infidelities on her husbands' part and 1 to alcoholism. I wanted to marry her earlier in my life, but being in the military as a career, she decided she didn't want that type of life where you are moving every few years. I keep replaying the morning I got the phone call that she had died and how she died made it even worse for me. She died on the roadside of an interstate while her son-in-law was rushing her to the hospital. He had to pull over, pull her out of the car, laid her down on the roadside and give her CPR until the EMT arrived, but it was too late. That makes it hurt even worse. I can't stop thinking about this. If there are true angels walking this earth, she was one of them.
 
I go back and forth, mostly at peace though. I parted with my lover in June, very painful for both of us. Since then I've done my best to resume a normal life but the lack of affection and someone to share life with left a big hole. I've mostly accepted it all as a necessity due to the circumstances but occasionally slip back into the hard aching.
 
For me? Mostly peace. Usually peace. And sometimes when I need a reminder, there's this song from the Girl Scout handbook that I learned many years ago...it was one that we sang at every scout meeting and at the campfire at scout camp every evening:

Peace I ask of thee, oh river
Peace, peace, peace
When I learn to live serenely
Cares will cease

From the hills I gather courage
Visions of the days to be
Strength to lead and faith to follow
All are given unto me.

And then there's this verse from a plaque in my garden:

The kiss of the sun for pardon
The song of the birds for mirth
One is closer to God's heart in a garden
Than anywhere else on earth.
 
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