Taking Away The Car Keys

Lee

Lee

Senior Member
Location
Chatham, Ontario
I was forced to give hubby a choice, I could not do another death defying drive to the doctor which is over 80 miles away on a busy highway. The last time was enough. He was falling asleep, finally pulled over when I literally screamed my lungs out.

He is ok for small early morning trips just in town but he does tend to tire later in the day as he likes his nappy poo time. And this appointment for today was for noon which would mean another hell raising drive back. He is 84 and has health problems also.

Last week hubby got an ultimatum.....he loves this home but I told him we were selling and moving back to the town 80 miles away where all his doctors are. And I meant it and he knew it.


OR

He agrees to let a neighbor drive us to the city, we would pay him of course.

I will still let him drive if early in the day, that may change but I see no risk for now. He agreed to this.

He wants me to start driving. I am 70, what do you think? Too old to get back behind the wheel?
 

Lee said:
I am 70, what do you think? Too old to get back behind the wheel?
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I think you are making some good decisions. Letting someone drive unsafely endangers them and others.

At 70? No, I don't think that is too old to drive, not for most people. I am 70 and plan to keep driving for a while. You did say "get back" have you not been driving?

These are really hard decisions, for us here in the US, and I think for you as well driving is the ultimate mark of independence. I still remember very clearly when I first got a drivers license and then a car. Huge milestones, and not ones I want to give up. Barring sudden death whilst otherwise still healthy it is something we will all have to deal with one day.

Best of luck to you and your husband, I am sure you will do the right thing.
 
That's a hard place to be. Have you driven in the past? If so, I'm sure You can get right back into it. That's a difficult decision to make. Would you benefit from moving and perhaps downsizing to a place with needed services close by? Not that I'm great at housing and moving advice.

I'd hate to think of you having to rely on someone for such long drives round trip. If in town there is taxi, car service and possibly the senior bus van.
 
I drove my parents around for the last couple of years of their lives. My mom stopped driving when she was around 50 & she made him drive everywhere. I could tell it was time for my dad to stop driving when I'd drop by to wash their car & I would see damage on it. He started to hit light poles, planters & other cars. I knew it was a matter of time before he hit a pedestrian.
 
My mom was still driving at 95, but she was an excellent driver with good eyesight and reflexes. She was ready and willing to give up the keys, though, because the traffic had gotten so bad in her area.

My aunt, on the other hand, had her license taken away at 95. Someone "ratted" her out to the DMV (we suspect it was her doctor) and she was called in for a driving test which she failed. Man, she was mad!
 
chic said:
70's is not to old to drive.
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Agree.

I'm sneaking up on 73 and mama turned 70 a couple of months back and we have no intentions to stop driving for several more years unless something drastic happens......I know it's going to happen sooner or later but I really hate the thought of being dependent on others to ferry me around.

As long as you feel comfortable behind the wheel I wouldn't be concerned about driving.
 
I've been in similar situations. One with a man who was okay to drive in the morning but not in the afternoon. One with a man who insisted on going out at night, and falling asleep at the wheel on the way home.

I think 70 is iffy to start (or restart) driving. If the roads and the traffic and the weather are always going to be perfect, go for it. Otherwise, I see nothing wrong with getting a neighbor to drive (assuming someone will always be willing and able).

I didn't drive for several years when I lived in another country. After I moved back, it took a couple more years to get my "nerve" back. A family friend took me out to practice driving on quiet country roads, to help me get used to driving again.
 
I'm 73 and just renewed my licence. I plan on driving for some time to come.
I have no spouce or kids to do it for me , so I must be self relient in all things.

When will I be forced to quit ? Who knows ? The plan is at about that same time I might start looking for a 'senior' residence . Although, delivery this or that seems to be gettin better.
 
Lee said:
I could not do another death defying drive to the doctor which is over 80 miles away on a busy highway. .... let a neighbor drive us to the city, we would pay him of course.
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You must have some awesome neighbors if they are willing to drive to take you 80 miles away, unless is that the nearest town and they would want to make a trip there anyway?

Regarding going back to driving at 70, I think it is important that you can drive in case of need, so I'd think it is worth it to brush up even if you don't want to do a lot of driving. Are you in an area where the other drivers are polite?
 
I'm 70 and still have a car. But I'm already thinking about how much longer I'll be able to drive.

I was pleased that a taxi driver (and taxi) lived right across the road. So I could take the taxi to the library or other places that are too far (for me) to walk.

I figured if I needed to go to the next town (250 miles) for medical, I could take the twice-weekly bus and stay in a hotel.

Then the taxi company shut down. At least the highway bus will keep running, I hope.
 
I feel I will be OK to drive for many more years. Knock wood and all. I am hoping I will have the cognitive ability enough to decide for myself. A man in my building (in his 80s) gave up his car last month. He accidently lost control of his car in the parking lot here in the building and hit a couple cars.
It scared him, a lot. He talked it over with his younger sister and they decided together it was time to give up. We have an on call transport bus in town. Plus it makes regular stops here on Tuesdays to take people to the grocery store. Drops them off, comes back in one and a half hours.
Plus there are always people here in the building willing to give rides
 
Kika said:
It is certainly not too old to drive at 70. It appears that you have not driven regularly, or lately ("get back into"). If you are uncomfortable, take a few lessons with a driving instructor until you are at your comfort level.
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And instructors will tip you off on how to pass your road test. It goes easier for those who have a driving instructor with them when taking the road test.
 
@Lee, how many years has it been since you were last driving. If you disliked it so much, do you think you’d want to do it again. I sure didn’t like driving on the 401 with all those big trucks.

Personally, I regret having retired into a small community were the doctors we happen to need right now aren’t close enough. In hindsight, close medical care would be my priority. With no family close by we can’t depend on friends to take us to appointments. It’s not even possible to hire reliable help.

JMO, I’d make my decision based on your health and what you think you’re capable of in a few short years, not just what is available now.
 
My parents used to drive from FL to NC frequently to visit relatives. My mother stopped driving in her 50's because she started having epileptic seizures and rolled the car over into a ditch on one trip. My father was driving until 78 y/o, but my mother used to say other drivers were "honking and giving him the finger". Their house was on a lake that overlooked what was called a "hammock island park" for bike riders. He once drove his big Cadillac into the bike path and had difficulty getting out. I started driving him around on his Saturday errands. I knew it was time to have the "keys" talk, but unfortunately he passed away. Then I drove my mother around on Saturday errands for 6 years until I decided to move to TX and have her live in a place where she would have transportation from close friends.

As for me, I still have quick reflexes behind the wheel at 64 y/o. I used to drive 50 highway miles from Dallas to Plano on weekends to visit my mother, but since she passed in November 2021 I think I have been on a highway twice. Traffic has gotten so bad in Dallas due to the influx of new people that I stay in my 14-mile bubble these days. I hope to keep driving well into my 70's.

The last time I saw my uncle, he was in his mid-80's and had driven a motorcycle with his wife on the back from Greensboro, NC to Asheville, NC in the rain. He told me when he was too old to kick his leg over the seat he would stop riding!
 
It's been proven--the Toyota Corp. was a sponsor for one test I heard about--that people usually feel that they're fine behind the wheel after they really no longer are. One reason: the peripheral vision of the human eye starts to decline at the age of 50; therefore, I was told in an AARP Mature Drivers class I took, that no one over the age of 50 should ever make a left turn at an intersection without a designated left-turn signal; that there are just too many accidents of a 50 year old trying to make a left turn and because of that worsening peripheral vision missing oncoming or side-coming cars and causing accidents.

So if you feel that you're still fine behind the wheel, you might really be, but you might not. But if you feel like you are not still fine behind the wheel, you probably aren't and should trust your feelings. Sad but true.
 
IKE said:
I'm sneaking up on 73 and mama turned 70 a couple of months back and we have no intentions to stop driving for several more years unless something drastic happens.....
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Same ages here, pard

I've got a macular degeneration thing going
So, I no longer drive at night
My license is good 'til I'm 78 (five years from now)
Not looking forward to reapplying
My lady ain't too hot on taking over the wheel
She is a great navigator, however

'Pedestrian 9 o'clock'
'Roger that'

Hope to have the sense to give up the keys one day

Dad drove up into his '90s
In his 70s he had to have shots in his eye due to a detached retina from his boxing days, so that slowed him down a bit
In his 90s he took out a couple things
Volunteered his keys to his lady
She was 20 years younger
 
officerripley said:
the peripheral vision of the human eye starts to decline at the age of 50; therefore, I was told in an AARP Mature Drivers class I took, that no one over the age of 50 should ever make a left turn at an intersection without a designated left-turn signal; that there are just too many accidents of a 50 year old trying to make a left turn and because of that worsening peripheral vision missing oncoming or side-coming cars and causing accidents.
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Thanks @officerripley for that, it confirms what I am feeling. I know my peripheral vision isn't what it used to be, not gone, just not as good. Our driveway goes out to a relatively busy highway. I have thought about not doing left turns, but rather take a right and then turn around at a gas station half a mile or so down. Your post has convinced me that is probably the right thing to do.
 
Had a neighbor who lived alone into her mid-90s. She was still driving but should not have been. She hit the church whilst trying to park, and vehemently claimed the church was to blame. It was not her first accident, she was having regular fender benders, fortunately no one got hurt. Her son took her car away and she was furious. She called the sheriff and tried to get him arrested for car theft. The sheriff was much more sympathetic to the son than the lady, no charges filed.

It did not have a happy ending the lady never forgave her son, and when she died it was discovered she had disowned him for it.

These are hard decisions...
 
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