Going out with friends..without Husband/wife

Marie5656

Marie5656

SF VIP
Location
Batavia, NY
Had this happen not long ago. I was having a DM conversation with a couple childhood friends from the old neighborhood. I am, of course widowed, another never married, third married. We decided we wanted to get together for lunch and catch up.
The married one asked if we could do it on a weekend....no issues there. But he reasoning was she and husband NEVER did anything separate from each other...never. So, she was going to bring him. Though the plan was a just the girls meal.
Nope...this one would not even consider going without hubby...though he would be the only man. She gave no reasn ecept they always did all social activities together.

The plans fell through..and the other single lady just decided to go together.

Anyone else know people like this??
 

I think some of the folks on here live that way. Quite a few "Never's" who spend a lifetime never going anywhere without their partner. I suppose if you have an inkling that your partner might stray, that may be reason enough to accompany them to situations where they're not wanted as Marie mentioned in her post.

And please, let's not hear the old "we have the same interests". Of course you must have a great many similar interests if you a happily married couple but EVERWHERE only together ???

Sounds like the truth is a "shall not mention" type of thing that make these folks uncomfortable. I can't speak for the women but I think I'd wonder about the men traipsing around with their wives on obvious female ventures especially situations such as Marie's gathering.
 
One of the 3 women wanted to bring her husband. So how can you say the "plan" was females only? Whose plan? Apparently not hers.

If I were in Marie's position, and Lady #3 wanted to bring her spouse (or any other friend or relative), I wouldn't think it strange or inconvenient.

As for why they do everything together, that's their business. The question was whether I know couples like this. Probably.
 
Being single all my life, I have been excluded from certain events where only couples would go out together. I understand that and bear no hard feelings towards them for leaving me out. On one occasion, we were in the clubhouse showering and changing clothes after a round of golf when one of the other men in out party of 3 spoke up and told 2 other men not to forget they were going to meet outside at the theater on Saturday night. When I asked about it, (I was only asking because I wanted to know who they were going to see), the main guy reminding the others told me that this wasn't for me. It was a couples only night out. So, I told him if he would have invited me, I could have brought along a date. When I found out that it was some piano player that I never heard of, I told them to never mind. I can't stand to sit and listen to 2 hours of someone banging on the keys. One of the other men offered me to take his place and I said "No, thanks."
 
I used to know a woman like that.. but I think there was several reasons behind it.. One she was incapable of holiding a conversation by herself always deferring to the husband for his opinions.. secondly she didn't drive, so he took her everywhere, and thirdly, she never had money of her own so he picked up the cheque
 
My wife is considerate and so am I when it comes to including each other with friends. However, in some cases she and I need to spend time with friends without the other half. Not that anything would happen to detriment our relationship, the fact of the matter is we both like to do things with other people besides ourselves. Plus by spending limited time with personal friends opens an opportunity to share the event with your significant other or spouse.
 
We work it both ways and never think twice. If I manage to make book club this is a women’s event. I don’t know how it evolved to be such a thing…but it is. My guy might stop at the local pub or go to a concert with his long time buddies….and that is fine by me. Sometimes it is a couple thing and we both like all the people involved and have a blast. If my friend wanted to bring her husband then we would invite them all I suppose.
 
I do know a few couples who have been married decades, yet never venture to the supermarket or shopping, or dinner without their mate. Joined at the hip, always and forever. If that is their comfort zone (and apparently it is), I would not interfere or try to change them after all this time.

My thought about this is that wouldn't it be refreshing to interact separately your friends. When you are home, there would be something new to share. I can't imagine not sharing events of the day with my mate because they had the very same encounters I did. Sounds boring, and stifling to me.
 
Teacher Terry said:
I find it really weird. Even the closest of couples need space otherwise it’s unhealthy.
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i never gone anywhere without my husband in 36 years, and ive never wanted to,
all our interests and hobbies are the same and we even worked together .....
why get marries ,when you prefer other peoples company.... thats why i divorced my first hubby , he preffered his mates...
well i told him to have his mates........

and now ive been with hubby 10yrs 24/7 without carers or support....since his stroke
i love his company .....hes supportive, funny, and just great.....hes my councillor also....

its never unhealthy terry
 
hollydolly said:
I used to know a woman like that.. but I think there was several reasons behind it.. One she was incapable of holiding a conversation by herself always deferring to the husband for his opinions.. secondly she didn't drive, so he took her everywhere, and thirdly, she never had money of her own so he picked up the cheque
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OMG ..i would of soon got rid of that guy !!!!!
 
I can't imagine why the husband would want to go along to "have lunch with the girls". It could be that his wife insists he be there because she doesn't want to go by herself. I wonder how he feels about it. Does he want to go to a hen party or is he being clucked into it? Maybe they just don't ever want to do things independently of one another, no matter what it is. I wonder how he enjoys baby showers, dress fittings, hairdressing, and manicure appointments. 🤔

That said, my husband and I were each other's favorite companions, but we also had our separate interests. We didn't need "respite" from one another but didn't feel the need or desire to accompany one another absolutely everywhere. Personally, I like to use the restroom facilities on my own.
 
I’ve heard of couples where the husband is very possessive and doesn’t want the wife to go anywhere socially without him, even to a “ hen party”. Underlying or actually expressed fear that the wife might be connecting with some other guy without his knowledge. And the wife tries to cover this up from embarrassment. Or if she does go out alone for errands or while he’s at work or whatever, wants her to account for every minute.
 
I had just retired from the military in 2014 and moved to Alexandria, Virginia. After living there for a few months, I had made some friends from golfing and playing tennis. The one gentleman approached me after our golf match and said jokingly if I could get a date for so and so date, which was about a month later, I could go along with a few other couples to see Lionel Richie in concert in Richmond. This is about a 2 hour drive. The other couples were going to go down to the concert and then stay overnight. The tickets were $300 each to my surprise.

I asked a woman I knew in Ohio if she would like to drive back to my place on Friday and stay on Friday night, then we could go to the concert on Saturday and stay over. I would pay for the 2 hotel rooms. Then on Sunday, she could either come back and visit with me and drive home later or leave from Richmond and drive home from there. I knew she was a huge Lionel Richie fan. To my surprise, she said she would really like to do that. I thought very highly of this woman.

On Saturday night after the concert, we stayed at the Marriott Hotel and when we got back to the hotel, some of the others wanted to have a nightcap, so we all went into the lounge to sit at a table and order our drinks. After we had been in the lounge for maybe 20 minutes, my date asked if she could speak to me. I excused myself and when I approached her, I could see her eyes were kind of wet. I thought, uh-ho, what did I do. She said the one man in our group had groped her twice. I never saw it. I felt terrible about this. She asked me not to say or do anything, but just to please stay close to her. I agreed.

The next day, I approached him and he didn’t deny it, but said he had been drinking all night (he carries a flask) and if he did that, he hadn’t remembered it. I told him my date was quite upset. He offered to call her and apologize, but I told him no, I didn’t think she really wanted to hear from him, but if we get together again and it happens, I will have no choice but to embarrass him. He knew what I meant. We weren’t friends again for a long time after that. To this day, I still feel bad that this happened.
 
Marie5656 said:
Had this happen not long ago. I was having a DM conversation with a couple childhood friends from the old neighborhood. I am, of course widowed, another never married, third married. We decided we wanted to get together for lunch and catch up.
The married one asked if we could do it on a weekend....no issues there. But he reasoning was she and husband NEVER did anything separate from each other...never. So, she was going to bring him. Though the plan was a just the girls meal.
Nope...this one would not even consider going without hubby...though he would be the only man. She gave no reasn ecept they always did all social activities together.

The plans fell through..and the other single lady just decided to go together.

Anyone else know people like this??
Click to expand...
Have a nice visit with your friend Marie. I don't know anyone like that. If she wanted to work on her and her husband's social relationship, she should do it on her own time, not yours. She has any day of any year to choose from.
 

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