Role reversals and give-and-take in relationships

[seadoug]

My partner and I have been together for many years. He is 8 years my junior. I worked until I was 63 and was let go due to Covid. He left his retail career when he was 50, so he was essentially home for 5 years until I retired. I was fine with that because I made enough to support our household. He re-entered the workforce at 55, right after I retired, primarily for health insurance.

The Assistant Manager at his store transferred, so he was given that position. Then, the Manager retired and he was given that position. He is now the Manager and works 6 days a week, looking to hire an Assistant Manager.

I guess my point is that I worked so hard for so many years and now he is doing the same while I am relaxing at home. This is the true meaning of supporting each other in a relationship. I would love to hear similar stories from other members.

 

[SeaBreeze]

I think that's great, and the way it should be although many times it's not. I haven't had that type of experience, as we both worked full time and lots of overtime, then retired together around the same time. We did work as a team though when his parents moved in with us, they were both in poor health, his father had a major stroke and was bedridden, half paralyzed, etc. My husband was able to switch his job to a swing shift, where one of us would be there to help them as needed.....then the other would take over. It's really a partnership in many cases seadoug, and you and I are blessed to be in such good relationships. Life is good.

 

[Blessed]

We married young, I was in an office environment, insurance was a big perk. I changed jobs 3 years later but also had great health, dental and life insurance. I was there until they closed our plant after 14 years. Went to work with a similar company in the industry, they also gave health, dental and life insurance.

By that time, my husband, who had his own business realized it was not a feasible way to make money as he aged. He had a custom pool, rock tile business. He applied to the post office, got hired, was considered substitute carrier for about 4 years. During that time he continued his business but could schedule around the time he was needed at the post office. When he became a regular with his own route, he closed his business.

This gave me a lot more freedom in where I wanted to work. We changed all the insurance over to the federal coverage, they were great. We also had life insurance.

I changed jobs once again, still the same industry but a small one owner business. It was about a mile from home. It gave me the flexibily to be more active in my son's activities. I was there for 8 years. He was the best boss, so understanding, and great with advice.

Fast forward a year, husband diagnosed with terminal cancer, the health insurance was great. The life insurance would be honored because it had been a year since we got the policy. We did not expect he would make it to the next stage of benefits but he did. That gave me a small pension and the ability to keep the federal health insurance for life at an employee rate. I was also allowed to keep our son on the policy until age 26.

 

[fuzzybuddy]

I admire both of you. You don't seem to be playing a "role", i.e. 'the bread winner", etc. I noticed that a lot of my married friends seemed to limit themselves by what they believe a 'husband,' or 'wife' role should be. To me, the ideal should just be two people, in love, acting as one.

 

[caroln]

My daughter's ex-in laws had a strange (to me) relationship. Years ago when they first got married, the wife went to college to become a nurse and the husband had a job supporting the family while she did so. Once she graduated and got a job, he quit working and said, "now it's your turn to do the supporting". That's how it was relayed to me, word for word. He supported the family for 4 years and she has supported the family ever since. Once in awhile he'll take on a carpenter job but probably just because he's bored sitting around the house.

I think that's more than give and take. That's give and take, take, take.....

 

[Jules]

My daughter's ex-in laws had a strange (to me) relationship. Years ago when they first got married, the wife went to college to become a nurse and the husband had a job supporting the family while she did so. Once she graduated and got a job, he quit working and said, "now it's your turn to do the supporting". That's how it was relayed to me, word for word. He supported the family for 4 years and she has supported the family ever since. Once in awhile he'll take on a carpenter job but probably just because he's bored sitting around the house.

I think that's more than give and take. That's give and take, take, take.....

That often happened in the reverse. The wife worked to put the husband through school and then she quit to raise the family. She’s still busy raising the family.

 

[Shalimar]

My daughter's ex-in laws had a strange (to me) relationship. Years ago when they first got married, the wife went to college to become a nurse and the husband had a job supporting the family while she did so. Once she graduated and got a job, he quit working and said, "now it's your turn to do the supporting". That's how it was relayed to me, word for word. He supported the family for 4 years and she has supported the family ever since. Once in awhile he'll take on a carpenter job but probably just because he's bored sitting around the house.

I think that's more than give and take. That's give and take, take, take.....

Is he a house husband, raising children?

 

[caroln]

Is he a house husband, raising children?

I don't know all the dynamics of that relationship. But I do know she was definitely was an "in charge" person and ran the whole show. I wonder if she began to enjoy the role she inherited or if she agreed to the way things turned out up front. At any rate, most people thought he was a lazy freeloader.

 

[Shalimar]

I don't know all the dynamics of that relationship. But I do know she was definitely was an "in charge" person and ran the whole show. I wonder if she began to enjoy the role she inherited or if she agreed to the way things turned out up front. At any rate, most people thought he was a lazy freeloader.

Interesting dynamic.

 

[Remy]

I have male a co-worker who just went down to very part time, 4 days a month. His wife is a physicians assistant and is making good money. They have no kids. Their house survived a wildfire a few years ago where many burned down in the area. I know what housing used to be in that area, so I'm guessing they paid a lot less than what houses go for today.

As far as I go, the cats refuse to work so I'm stuck at my job until I can retire. They just lay around, get fed and cleaned up after. Really useless.