How is that our kids lose respect for us as we age?

I’m all about them having their own ideas, life and opinions. I just don’t think they need to yell it. I would just like to have a normal conversation when you aren asking me for something that benefits you!
 

Nathan said:
The other part of the reason:


My dad raised me pretty much, he was blind so he was a stay-at-home dad. He treated me with respect, did not try to program me into some kind of robot in his graven image.
I respected my dad for that, I raised my son the same way, he respects me.
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And that is exactly how I was raised and I respect my parents to this day and forever. If I don’t agree with my Mom, I say so, but there is no need to yell over her. We respect each othe!
 
IDKYou, right after you say "Please don't yell at me; my hearing is fine," remind them that, while they were growing up, you had to say a lot of things they didn't like. Stuff like "Don't touch that, it's hot!" and "Clean your room," and "Don't stare at him," and this was because you wanted them to be safe, and to grow up to be kind, decent people. They didn't like it, but they needed to hear it.
 

I grew up with very "strict" parents. As a result, it was almost a relief to join the military, and begin a life of my own. When I returned to civilian life, I chose a career hundreds of miles away, and we visited directly only about once a year. When our kids were growing up, "discipline" consisted of things like "lack of privileges', or "stand in the corner" for 5 minutes. As a result, we still maintain a cordial and respectful relationship with each other. We live our lives, and they live theirs, with no interference....unless they ask our opinion. As a result, we can always count on each other for help if/when needed.
 
We have less in common with our children the older we all get. I stay in touch but stopped trying to make us a close family. The two oldest have their own lives. It's best to stay cordial and get together a couple times a year.
My youngest daughter has our grandchildren and is the closest to us even though in distance she's the farthest. I think because she and her husband have children they understand more where we're coming from and the importance of having us in their lives.
 
NorthernLight said:
Aspects of my childhood were micromanaged, and I was raised to be obedient. I never learned necessary skills like negotiation or standing up for myself.

I raised my daughter to be the opposite, mostly by letting her figure things out for herself. She's done well in life. Now she regards me as a flake and a loser. Compared to her, I am.

Fair enough, I guess.
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Being a good kind person is never being a loser.

I feel the same way sometimes.
 
win231 said:
Sometimes it's the result of parents who didn't respect their kids as they were growing up.
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Agreed. It's very, very complicated.

Some great parents raise jerk kids. Some kids come out of bad upbringings and make it OK. Some adult children are doing the right thing by going non-contact with their parents. One never knows the complete story.
 
We raised our sons to think for themselves & be self reliant. When they turned 18 graduated high school if they wanted further education they could ask for our financial help. None of the 3 wanted a college education. All 3 found moved out to try living on their own all 3 were successful & still are.

As for conversations now that they are in their 50's. We don't discuss religion or politics but do share other ideas. They ask for advice but know that whatever they finally decide is what works for them & if not what our advice was that is it's 100% OK.

Nothing more comforting for a parent than to know their children are capable of being independent & contributing to society in a responsible way.
 
I am really close to 2 of my 3 sons. One has a drug addiction and I occasionally talk to him on the phone. I am really grateful for my close relationships and the older we all get the closer we are. We don’t always agree on everything which is fine because we love and respect each other. Only one is married and his wife is wonderful.
 
With my own children, I listen more than I talk. I raised both of them to be independent adults and I give them my unconditional support and encouragement. When disappointed with them, which is not very often, I keep it in and say nothing. Our relationship couldn't be better. I know that I am loved and so do they.

I was only 44 when the first grandchild was born and they are all now adults in their late 20s or 30s. I was very much part of all their early childhoods because they all lived reasonably close to us. As they began to grow up I decided that I needed to establish a new relationship with each of them that would endure as I grew older. I went from being Grandma to G'ma on Facebook and revealed a lot more of my personality than they encountered when they were children. As they partnered I reached out to each partner to make sure they felt welcome within the extended family group. I take time to talk to each one at family events and have been mentoring one as he takes on studies as a mature age student.

Whether they call me Grandma or Gma, it is always with fondness, and I can ask any of them for help when I need it. I'm proud of our grandchilden and very grateful for the loving relationship I have with our daughter and son.
 
In western societies, getting older is regarded as vaguely shameful. We go to great lengths to deny or disguise getting older, and businesses exist to support such deceptions. There is also a mentality that the latest and newest thing is inherently better, and that all change is inherently good. Life belongs to the young, so they say. We are all dealing then with a diminishing fund of societal currency. The young are showcased by the entertainment media. Their lack of experience, seasoning, or time-durability be damned…

Societal models and norms of proper behavior and advancement through the ranks have also changed. Perhaps out of overprotectiveness or the desire not to stifle their creativity, fewer children are encouraged and rewarded for being submissive and respectful. What they’ve experienced at home they carry to school with them and into life orientations. We create our own monsters… 🙀
 
Warrigal said:
With my own children, I listen more than I talk. I raised both of them to be independent adults and I give them my unconditional support and encouragement. When disappointed with them, which is not very often, I keep it in and say nothing. Our relationship couldn't be better. I know that I am loved and so do they.

I was only 44 when the first grandchild was born and they are all now adults in their late 20s or 30s. I was very much part of all their early childhoods because they all lived reasonably close to us. As they began to grow up I decided that I needed to establish a new relationship with each of them that would endure as I grew older. I went from being Grandma to G'ma on Facebook and revealed a lot more of my personality than they encountered when they were children. As they partnered I reached out to each partner to make sure they felt welcome within the extended family group. I take time to talk to each one at family events and have been mentoring one as he takes on studies as a mature age student.

Whether they call me Grandma or Gma, it is always with fondness, and I can ask any of them for help when I need it. I'm proud of our grandchilden and very grateful for the loving relationship I have with our daughter and son.
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That sounds great! You gave me an idea. I've created a group just for my children, their spouses, and hope to add grandchildren as they grow on Facebook. None of us are big facebookers but they look at it. I think I'll post things I'm doing, activities, things of interest. I could do this by text I guess, but for some reason this sounds better. Hopefully, likely, they'll participate and it be a way to connect through their busy lives.
A better use of Facebook than just looking at cute kitties.
 
PeppermintPatty said:
Not a clue but glad I only have dogs
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Remy said:
I'm grateful I never had kids.
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Same here. It would have been a terrible thing to do to kids, to have to have someone like me as a parent. Not everyone is cut out for good parenthood, not by a long shot; neither of my parents, none of my 4 step-parents, nor 2 out of the 3 siblings I have. Makes for a hard life for the poor kid when people who shouldn't be parents are, one of the worst things that humans do IMO.
 
officerripley said:
Same here. It would have been a terrible thing to do to kids, to have to have someone like me as a parent. Not everyone is cut out for good parenthood, not by a long shot; neither of my parents, none of my 4 step-parents, nor 2 out of the 3 siblings I have. Makes for a hard life for the poor kid when people who shouldn't be parents are, one of the worst things that humans do IMO.
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I know. I know I would not have been my mother because I don't have a personality disorder like her. But I'm so glad I never had a kid. My one brother is not a good parent. He has a personality disorder I believe. He should never have had kids. What we had modeled as marriage and parenting was horrible.
 
I think it’s great to recognize that parenthood is not for you. It’s a lot of work but I always knew that I wanted children. Now being older my kids are more important than ever and we all have our own lives but I really look forward to seeing them and if I need help with something I can count on them.
 
officerripley said:
Same here. It would have been a terrible thing to do to kids, to have to have someone like me as a parent. Not everyone is cut out for good parenthood, not by a long shot; neither of my parents, none of my 4 step-parents, nor 2 out of the 3 siblings I have. Makes for a hard life for the poor kid when people who shouldn't be parents are, one of the worst things that humans do IMO.
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Remy said:
I know. I know I would not have been my mother because I don't have a personality disorder like her. But I'm so glad I never had a kid. My one brother is not a good parent. He has a personality disorder I believe. He should never have had kids. What we had modeled as marriage and parenting was horrible.
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Ok I’m going to do an overshare here.
The reasons you just described are the reasons I didn’t want to have children.
While being a parent doesn’t come with a manual, I think that all parents should at least want the children. Getting pregnant doesn’t instantly make anyone a parent. Putting the work and effort into being the best person you can be while caring for another dependent human being does and not everyone qualifies.
 
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