Is this woman naive, or hopelessly dense?

applecruncher

applecruncher

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Location
Ohio USA
Okay, let me start off by saying I have some great friends. But, over the years as I got older I “cleaned house”. Have no use for backbiters, whiners, liars, and the perpetually lazy, tardy, or flakey. (That leaves me with 2 friends….no, j/k )

Anyhoo, about 20 yrs ago I became friendly with a woman who eventually fell into the flakey category. Over the past few years we kinda ‘drifted’, kwim?

She is now in her late 60s, retired (was actually asked to resign) and apparently doesn’t have much to do with herself. I got a long email from her and she said she signed up with a dating service but didn’t have much luck. So she’s discovered the personals on craigslist. :eek1: WHAT??!! (Have you ever taken a look at those????? OMG) Now she’s all giddy about some man who says he’s a retired doctor doing consultant work, said he did some modeling when he was younger, owns property in Hawaii, several horses, and said he wants to take her to Vegas. (They have never met in person.) Yet she said she is falling in love. She said his picture looks like an ad from a magazine. (Welllllll, it probably IS from a magazine ad.)
I replied “Glad you’re happy, but be careful. Take a breath. Meet in person for coffee in a public place. Verify his name/address/background. If he stalls and won’t meet in person, he is probably full of it – married, a con artist, player who is chatting several women up, etc. “ (She already gave him her address because he wanted to send her some imported chocolates.)

She replied that she “knows he is for real because they have talked on the phone”, :rolleyes: and said she was hurt that I’m not more excited for her, and maybe I’m a little jealous. She then went into a long diatribe about how I never treated her with the respect to which she felt entitled and that she was sorry for taking up my valuable time.

I give up. (shaking my head, done with her)
 

He's conning her and she doesn't want to see it. Probably a waste of time trying to knock some sense into her. That was really stupid of her to give him her address! Hope he's not dangerous!
 
There are quite a few women in there 50s and 60 in Australia, who have been conned out of thousands $ I really can't understand how women of "our" age allow them selfs to be conned / scammed are they desperate,?? or just blind to the lies.
Each time I see a story in That's life, magazine or see ANOTHER Story on a current affair,I just shake my head
 
I am not against online dating. I know of a (younger) couple who met thru a dating service and are now happily married and have a baby (after actually dating for over a year). The only way to get to know someone is to spend a lot of time with him/her in person.

I say safety first, and know how to ask the right questions. That “property in Hawaii” and “retired doctor now a consultant” could easily be checked out, but it’s most likely a bunch of BS. If someone is really seriously interested they will make time to at least meet for coffee. If this guy is so handsome and has such a charmed life what the heck is he doing looking for love on craigslist?

A few years ago I saw a women on Dr. Phil who had been scammed out of $5,000. She was REALLY attractive, educated, but probably lonely. Turns out the guy was nothing like he had represented himself to be. But all things considered, $5,000 is low. I saw a story on …I think it was Dateline about a woman who had gradually given/”loaned” a man all her inheritance ($400k). She and the reporter tried to confront him but he ran. To be honest, I couldn’t feel sorry for her.
 
Shalimar said:
Wow, AC, what a desperate woman.
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There are a lot of them out there and they do get taken advantage of because they are so desperate, some don't even care that they are being taken advantage of that's how desperate people, not just women, can be at times. What I mostly feel is sad for their feelings of such overwhelming need to be wanted by someone is for them. Having repeatedly watched someone be taken time and time again, It greatly angered me for a long time to watch this, but, now I am a little more sympathetic to the person as it seems in their case it's almost like some kind of sickness. I still may get annoyed at first to see it happen, but now, mostly it's very sad to see it when it happens.
 
April, of course you are right, it is easy to give into irritation when someone seems to be stuck in a destructive pattern without taking the time to feel compassion for what may very well be an emotional illness. Food for thought.
 
Just a little of topic for one moment , but I was wondering could some one be kind enough to explain to an Aussie What is Craig's list ? A newspaper , Internet ? No I have no intention using it Just curious
Thanks K.
 
Kadee, Craigslist is a classified advertising forum....it seems to be huge in the USA , and although we have it here in the UK it's never really taken off....we have our own

I feel sorry for your friend AC..she sounds desperate for a friend and anyone who will find her desirable, so she's probably ignoring her own nagging tiny voice at the back of her head, which is why she got angry at you when you voiced what she really , must know already.

Poor woman she does sound like she's going to be completely taken for a ride, at best it will be her emotions which will be toyed with..at worst..doesn't bear thinking about!!
 
Craig's List? So sad. This woman probably needs to believe that she has found love so badly, nothing anyone can say will dissuade her. I have experienced this before. Despite documents, checks and identities proving to be false, the victims still need to believe.
About 10 years ago, in my insomniac internet searches I found a forum. Interesting international group of people. Sadly though, everyone on it had been scammed. Mostly by Nigerians or Russians, for very large sums of money. A few 100s of thousands. These were all educated, intelligent people.
Feeling so badly about how many lives had been ruined by scammers, I started scam baiting. The signs were so obvious that they were trying to scam me, I am still amazed that people believe scammers.
Thinking of the stories of those scammed, trying to communicate with scammers long enough to get needed info made me so angry....that I could not do it for very long.
 
ndynt said:
Craig's List? So sad. This woman probably needs to believe that she has found love so badly, nothing anyone can say will dissuade her. I have experienced this before. Despite documents, checks and identities proving to be false, the victims still need to believe.
About 10 years ago, in my insomniac internet searches I found a forum. Interesting international group of people. Sadly though, everyone on it had been scammed. Mostly by Nigerians or Russians, for very large sums of money. A few 100s of thousands. These were all educated, intelligent people.
Feeling so badly about how many lives had been ruined by scammers, I started scam baiting. The signs were so obvious that they were trying to scam me, I am still amazed that people believe scammers.
Thinking of the stories of those scammed, trying to communicate with scammers long enough to get needed info made me so angry....that I could not do it for very long.
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I am just totally gobsmacked that intelligent people fall for this stuff!

I had placed a companion ad 16 years ago (required a fee, not a free ad), and was very wary of anyone who answered analysing anything they said. When I was communicating with my (future) DH online, friends and coworkers asked me if he said things trying to impress me. Actually, no he didn't. Not at all. I didn't even realize he was a headmaster until I came to the UK to meet him and upon visiting his school saw the sign on his office!
 
I have a coworker now that is pining hopelessly for a guy she conversed with on a dating site.. Never met him.. because he is in the Army and has been in Syria for nearly a year.. However, she was conversing with him before he left and at that time he was supposedly stationed just a few miles from her. She is convinced that when he returns in August, he will whisk her away to his cattle ranch in Colorado and they will ride off into the sunset. I'm really hoping she will not be disappointed.
 
QuickSilver said:
I have a coworker now that is pining hopelessly for a guy she conversed with on a dating site.. Never met him.. because he is in the Army and has been in Syria for nearly a year.. However, she was conversing with him before he left and at that time he was supposedly stationed just a few miles from her. She is convinced that when he returns in August, he will whisk her away to his cattle ranch in Colorado and they will ride off into the sunset. I'm really hoping she will not be disappointed.
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I know many couples that met online, but I think the majority naively look through rose coloured glasses and get hurt.
 
QuickSilver said:
I have a coworker now that is pining hopelessly for a guy she conversed with on a dating site.. Never met him.. because he is in the Army and has been in Syria for nearly a year.. However, she was conversing with him before he left and at that time he was supposedly stationed just a few miles from her. She is convinced that when he returns in August, he will whisk her away to his cattle ranch in Colorado and they will ride off into the sunset. I'm really hoping she will not be disappointed.
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That is scary. Especially that they did not meet while he was stationed nearby. My first reaction is scammer. So many pose as military men or engineers. Hopefully she has seen him on webcam, several times in several situations. For they have videos of webcam conversations, that they use. Of course, it is always the same video. So they cannot use it more than a couple times. Then there is always a reason that they are unable to use a webcam. Enough....I could go on and on. The whole topic is so very sad.
 
There's an old saying.. If something sounds too good to be true... It's usually NOT true. With my husband.. practically nothing about him sounded too good to be true.. His financial situation, his employment situation, his looks... however, he was just a nice man and he was widowed just 6 days before I was widowed.. That's it.. Oh. and he had been in the medical profession of decades. So on that basis, we met for brunch at IHOP and the rest is history. We will be married 12 years in July.
 

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