Is this woman naive, or hopelessly dense?

QuickSilver said:
There's an old saying.. If something sounds too good to be true... It's usually NOT true. With my husband.. practically nothing about him sounded too good to be true.. His financial situation, his employment situation, his looks... however, he was just a nice man and he was widowed just 6 days before I was widowed.. That's it.. Oh. and he had been in the medical profession of decades. So on that basis, we met for brunch at IHOP and the rest is history. We will be married 12 years in July.
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15 tomorrow for us. How long between first online contact and getting married, QS?

Mine wasn't quite so easy for meeting up. Had to fly to the UK!
 

We made contact the last week in October 2002 and we were married July 12, 2003.. So it was pretty quick. But I think when you are older, you have more of an instinct for the type of person you can be with.. In our case it was comfortable and easy from the very start.
 

QuickSilver said:
We made contact the last week in October 2002 and we were married July 12, 2003.. So it was pretty quick. But I think when you are older, you have more of an instinct for the type of person you can be with.. In our case it was comfortable and easy from the very start.
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We'd both been married twice and had grown kids, so we weren't starry eyed and unrealistic. He answered my ad in Oct 1999 and we married in April 2000. The long separations between his 6 week school holidays was getting too much!
 
ndynt said:
Ahhh Interesting to know just how you ended up married to a Scotsman, AM. How wonderful to hear of some successes. Congratulations to both of you.
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Thanks! Ah, yes, my Scotsman. To make a long story short, I had fallen in love with Ireland on a solo trip in 1998 and thought an Irish husband could be very nice so why not take a gamble and see what happens. Annual ad for $99 placed in the Ireland section of the dating site. About 11 months later I wondered if it was a waste of time to renew it. Then my Scotsman replied. He liked my ad although he was only looking for online friends and he wished me luck finding a nice Irishman. Lots of long emails then daily phone calls. Click click click. Couldn't wait for xmas holidays to meet him so flew over Thanksgiving week (which he didn't have off of course!). He made 3 week long trips to see me in the US. By Feb I had my fiancee visa, and Easter holidays got married. Oh, right, I said short story! Not possible.
 
Kadee46 said:
Just a little of topic for one moment , but I was wondering could some one be kind enough to explain to an Aussie What is Craig's list ? A newspaper , Internet ? No I have no intention using it Just curious
Thanks K.
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Kadee, to expand on what holly said, Craigslist is a free online classified ads site. People buy/sell cars, furniture, computers…..all kinds of things. They also have rentals, job ads and “personals”. For a longtime craigslist had a decent reputation, then there were problems

- A man advertised jobs that didn’t exist, lured men to a remote location and killed them. He was caught. http://www.nytimes.com/2011/12/02/us/three-lured-to-death-in-ohio-by-craigslist-job-ad.html
- A man called the “Craigslist Killer” met women at hotels and killed them. After several murders he was caught and committed suicide in jail. His name was Philip Markoff
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Philip_Markoff
- Their personal ads have been criticized because while many are okay, others are sleazy and some people post nude pics.
- In some cities people advertise something they want to sell and when the respondent meets them them get robbed/beaten.
- There have been cases of people selling dogs they’ve stolen. Same with computers and cell phones.
- I was prowling thru the site a couple years ago and saw where a woman posted that she needed to pay her rent and buy Xmas presents for her kids. She said “if several good-hearted people will chip in to help me out, I’ll meet you at (fast food restaurant”. (yeah, good luck with that) :rolleyes:

If you're curious you can google "craigslist (name of city in US)".
 
applecruncher said:
Okay, let me start off by saying I have some great friends. But, over the years as I got older I “cleaned house”. Have no use for backbiters, whiners, liars, and the perpetually lazy, tardy, or flakey. (That leaves me with 2 friends….no, j/k )

Anyhoo, about 20 yrs ago I became friendly with a woman who eventually fell into the flakey category. Over the past few years we kinda ‘drifted’, kwim?


She is now in her late 60s, retired (was actually asked to resign) and apparently doesn’t have much to do with herself. I got a long email from her and she said she signed up with a dating service but didn’t have much luck. So she’s discovered the personals on craigslist. :eek1: WHAT??!! (Have you ever taken a look at those????? OMG) Now she’s all giddy about some man who says he’s a retired doctor doing consultant work, said he did some modeling when he was younger, owns property in Hawaii, several horses, and said he wants to take her to Vegas. (They have never met in person.) Yet she said she is falling in love. She said his picture looks like an ad from a magazine. (Welllllll, it probably IS from a magazine ad.)
I replied “Glad you’re happy, but be careful. Take a breath. Meet in person for coffee in a public place. Verify his name/address/background. If he stalls and won’t meet in person, he is probably full of it – married, a con artist, player who is chatting several women up, etc. “ (She already gave him her address because he wanted to send her some imported chocolates.)

She replied that she “knows he is for real because they have talked on the phone”, :rolleyes: and said she was hurt that I’m not more excited for her, and maybe I’m a little jealous. She then went into a long diatribe about how I never treated her with the respect to which she felt entitled and that she was sorry for taking up my valuable time.

I give up. (shaking my head, done with her)
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If this man is a retired doctor, owns property in Hawaii, is as handsome as a model, owns horses and can afford to take her to Vegas etc. etc. what the hell does he need Craigslist for? Women would be kicking his door down to get at him.

Sadly your friend is clueless and desperate.
 
Craigslist is the venue of choice for cons of all kind. The first year I discovered Craigslist, I responded to a plea by a young mother for a Christmas tree and presents for her son. I met her and gave her a Christmas tree, some very distinctive ornaments and a few presents. She had the tree and decorations for sale on Craigslist the next morning. Who knows what she did with the presents. I'm not as much a sucker now as I used to be.
 
Jujube...how sad. It appears the world is becoming a stranger and stranger place, with the need to always look over your shoulder. I would so much rather to be able to just look for the good in others.
 
applecruncher said:
Kadee, to expand on what holly said, Craigslist is a free online classified ads site. People buy/sell cars, furniture, computers…..all kinds of things. They also have rentals, job ads and “personals”. For a longtime craigslist had a decent reputation, then there were problems

- A man advertised jobs that didn’t exist, lured men to a remote location and killed them. He was caught. http://www.nytimes.com/2011/12/02/us/three-lured-to-death-in-ohio-by-craigslist-job-ad.html
- A man called the “Craigslist Killer” met women at hotels and killed them. After several murders he was caught and committed suicide in jail. His name was Philip Markoff
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Philip_Markoff
- Their personal ads have been criticized because while many are okay, others are sleazy and some people post nude pics.
- In some cities people advertise something they want to sell and when the respondent meets them them get robbed/beaten.
- There have been cases of people selling dogs they’ve stolen. Same with computers and cell phones.
- I was prowling thru the site a couple years ago and saw where a woman posted that she needed to pay her rent and buy Xmas presents for her kids. She said “if several good-hearted people will chip in to help me out, I’ll meet you at (fast food restaurant”. (yeah, good luck with that) :rolleyes:

If you're curious you can google "craigslist (name of city in US)".
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Thank you , We have a very similar web site called Gumtree the site tries hard to keep the site free of scammers/ crooks .

Just over a year ago I purchased a newer second hand car, and advertised my older car on G/T , I received a text asking me to respond to a email address and because I rarely use G/ T I responded but soon realised I was dealing with a scammer, I deleted the add and two weeks latter re advertised the car again only to receive another text from the same number , but a different name , and a sob story how they were working off shore and wanted the 20 year old car for their father , well if they were working off shore on an oil rig they would be able to afford a new car !!!
I contacted G/T and reported both texts to them they I turn advised me to report it to the police , which I did and was advised that indeed some local people had lost a boat to the scam (The scammers ask you to arrange transport of the car, boat, item ?) Then send you what appears to be a Pay Pal confirmation that money has been put in your bank , but in reality they are only after your banking details, Don't really know what happens to the item people who get caught by the Scam send in the end the owners are the ones who end up paying for the transport.

S/F is great we can learn something new everyday...
 
Ameriscot said:
I'm certainly not opposed to online dating since I met my husband that way. But you have to use your head!
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Since you met your husband online dating; Can you give me some info about how to communicate and date online? I am afraid to post a picture. A couple of the men posted telephone numbers and wanted me to call them, is that something I should do? I think they want calls because they don't like typing. How should online dating be done?
 
Halalu, would you want a stranger to have your telephone number? Unless you call them so they can not tell what your number is... are you aware they can do a reverse search. And obtain your address, email, see your home, how much it is worth, all the sites you use, any pictures you have ever posted online ect., ect.
 
Online dating is a crap shoot.....sometimes you roll a 2,3 or 12 and crap out....sometimes you get the 7 or 11 and get a natural.

It took me quite a while to meet Mister Right with online dating. First I had to meet Mister Sleazy and his cousins Mister Weird, Mister Aggressive, Mister Disappearing, Mister Bitter, Mister Depressed, Mister Broke, Mister Looking-for-a-Nurse, Mister Cheap, Mister Dying, Mister Still-Married-But-His-Wife-Doesn't-Understand-Him and several others of his kin. I actually had three dates one Sunday (breakfast, lunch and dinner) and they were *ALL* the wrong Misters.

I was about to give up and enter a convent - lol - but I gave it one more try and ended up with the great guy I've been with for almost six years now. So they ARE out there.....you just have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find the prince.

Just don't get discouraged. It takes work.
 
halalu said:
Since you met your husband online dating; Can you give me some info about how to communicate and date online? I am afraid to post a picture. A couple of the men posted telephone numbers and wanted me to call them, is that something I should do? I think they want calls because they don't like typing. How should online dating be done?
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I would advise against calling them. I don’t think it has anything to do with them not wanting to type. They probably just want to talk and talk and find about all about you and “court” you by phone. Keep in mind anyone can get a cheap cell disposable cell phone and pretend to be someone different from who they are, and while there are many success troeies the fact remains that lots of married people and players use online dating sites.

Online dating is a misnomer. It’s actually online meeting/connecting. It’s not possible to date online. Emails, phone calls, texting is NOT dating. The only way to date is to spend time in person with the person. But most people want to see a current photo.

Be leery of people who stall an in-person meeting because they are sooooo “busy”. If they’re that busy then they don’t have time to spend on a dating site and they certainly don’t have time for a relationship.
 
Only use a paid dating service in which the responders have to join and pay to reply to ad. Post a photo or most will assume the reason you don't is that you look horrible. Do not ever post a phone number. Meet in a public place after a lot of communication. My ad was for a different country so was more complicated.
 
I'm not sure how all sites work, but on Match, you could communicate via email however, your actual email addy was hidden and responders only saw the match.com email addy.. Most people communicate in this manner until they feel comfortable in going a step farther.. usually meeting in a very public place. I met my present husband at IHOP for a late breakfast date on a Sunday, so it was packed with people. I also picked a location far away from my neighborhood just in case he was a weirdo who decided to try to follow me home. I gave instructions to by best friend to call me on my cell during the meeting, and set up code words for "everything is fine" or "Call the cops!!" So you can take precautions to make sure you stay safe. BUT.. remember, it isn't any more dangerous than going out and meeting someone at a bar or anywhere else. It's a crap shoot.. however, if you never put yourself out there, you aren't going to meet anyone.
 
QuickSilver said:
I'm not sure how all sites work, but on Match, you could communicate via email however, your actual email addy was hidden and responders only saw the match.com email addy.. Most people communicate in this manner until they feel comfortable in going a step farther.. usually meeting in a very public place. I met my present husband at IHOP for a late breakfast date on a Sunday, so it was packed with people. I also picked a location far away from my neighborhood just in case he was a weirdo who decided to try to follow me home. I gave instructions to by best friend to call me on my cell during the meeting, and set up code words for "everything is fine" or "Call the cops!!" So you can take precautions to make sure you stay safe. BUT.. remember, it isn't any more dangerous than going out and meeting someone at a bar or anywhere else. It's a crap shoot.. however, if you never put yourself out there, you aren't going to meet anyone.
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My friends and my (future) husband's friends and colleagues warned us that the other could be an ax murderer, so be careful. Funny how everyone thinks of ax murderers. Hubby was also warned that Americans love guns, so be careful. :playful:
 
Funny how everyone thinks everyone else online has some sort of nefarious history and intentions... while thinking it's fine to meet a stranger at a bar, or a club, or at the supermarket and they are somehow safer..
 
Well, we have a lot more information when we look at someone in person - facial expression, tone of voice, style, gait and general demeanour. Our instinct might tell us to steer clear. (Unfortunately mine never did though!)
 
I found that I got to know my husband better by email and phone calls that I would have in person. Looks and hormones didn't get in the way of getting to know the real person. I was 99% sure he was 'it' before i met him in person.
 
maddyathome said:
Well, we have a lot more information when we look at someone in person - facial expression, tone of voice, style, gait and general demeanour. Our instinct might tell us to steer clear. (Unfortunately mine never did though!)
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Seriously.... most sociopaths are very good at deceit.. even in person.
 

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