Is retirement causing me to lose my social "filter"?

It depends on the situation. As we get older, we learn a lot. Sometimes it is time to speak up, sometimes keep quiet. Discernment is one of the best things we learn in life.

Discernment is also important because is in this day and age, confronting people, speaking up, and having an opinion can have consequences. Brain to mouth filters, well used, can serve us well. People are stupid. Unless you are directly involved, shut up.
 
NorthernLight said:
I was always polite and reluctant to speak up. I wanted to be liked.

Finally I realized that people didn't like me anyway. So I might as well assert or defend myself, or express my sense of humor, or whatever.

I refrain from mentioning certain topics though, as they lead to boring or pointless discussions.
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Same exact thing here.
Medusa said:
I tend to piss people off at times and, on thinking about it, I don't remember a time when I didn't do that.
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Same here also. When I was a kid, my older sister frequently yelled (or screamed) at me, "Who the h*ll cares what you think?!" I should've believed her; I finally have realized that a lot of people aren't really interested in anyone's opinion but their own so they certainly won't be interested in mine. As NorthernLight says, though I do speak up in defense sometimes.
 
I am less likely to confront people as I get older, mostly because I realize it's not worth the time or effort, plus it stresses me out.

Some on SF, especially newbies, love the role of agitator. I've found myself taking the bait a few times before putting a stop to it with the ignore button. (Often wonder if they were kicked off another forum for that behavior, and instead of learning from the experience they repeat it here.)

People like that nearly always manage to get hoisted on their own petard. Their self-assigned provocateur roles get them banned fairly quickly. Therefore my ignore list remains short. Only one person on it and that one hasn't been seen on the boards for several months.

In my personal "real" life, I've eliminated or greatly marginalized sexists, racists, homophobics, xenophobics and the like from my closest circles.

Some I cannot help running into occasionally (family who show up at the same large events or neighbors walking their dogs), but I think of them as I do bees buzzing in my yard. It's best to take note of their presence, remain calm and pleasant, acknowledge them to whatever extent is necessary to keep the peace on all sides, then quickly find something to do out of their proximity.

p.s. I'm probably on some SFers ignore lists. Although this forum isn't supposed to be political some have trod mighty close to that third rail, myself included.
 
Youngster said:
My social filter is growing thin. I find myself speaking up more against things I don't agree with even if it's not politically correct. I'm no longer shaking my head in agreement with things I don't believe just to get along with those who have a different point of view than I do.

I'm fast getting to the point where I don't give a shit if what I have to say doesn't set well with the people I happen to be around at the time.

I'm wondering if this is because I'm now retired and don't feel like have to "tow the line" so to speak like I did at the job I held for so many years. Or is it just because I'm getting older and figure I can get away with it.

What are your feelings on this subject?
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Ah, you are becoming an Aussie. :D
 
I can be passively aggressive when needed. For example...

My elderly mother is receiving neglectful care from her nurses at the hospital...they barely check in on her. Last week a nurse actually stuck her head into my mother's room, only to say directly to me...

"Pull that mask up right over your nose!"

To which I replied...

"Actually, my mother is doing quite well today. Thanks for asking."

The nurse's jaw nearly dropped. She blurted out something unintelligible then scurried back to her station. lol! She's avoided me ever since.
 
At our age, we ought not to piss people off. All of our friends are dying off, and there won't be any people left that we like to talk to. It's a good idea to age with grace, while there isn't much to gain by being an angry old grouch doing the angry old man thing that nobody takes seriously, like that guy sitting on his porch with his shotgun waiting for the government men to come, while the young neighbors just roll their eyes and make the cuckoo sign when they talk about you.
 
No we don't want to be him, Dave, but on my street we have a house with two eighty-somethings, a house with a 90 year old widow nest to a 100 year old widow, a woman in her seventies, us and a young couple in their 30's. Guess who has covered their yard with political signs, has a gigantic flag covering their garage doors and is angry about everything? I haven't seen him with a shotgun, but he has the big truck to go with it.
 
Beezer said:
I can be passively aggressive when needed. For example...

My elderly mother is receiving neglectful care from her nurses at the hospital...they barely check in on her. Last week a nurse actually stuck her head into my mother's room, only to say directly to me...

"Pull that mask up right over your nose!"

To which I replied...

"Actually, my mother is doing quite well today. Thanks for asking."

The nurse's jaw nearly dropped. She blurted out something unintelligible then scurried back to her station. lol! She's avoided me ever since.
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how bloody appalling... makes me furious on both you and your mothers' behalf..
 
RadishRose said:
I've gotten more mellow with age. Try to remember the good manners my parents taught me. No reason not to continue. (I did say "Try") :)
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the thing is RR it's not you.. it's always other people... doesn't matter how nice you (one) is to some people there will always be those who will continue to push buttons unsatisfied until they get a reaction..
 
Della said:
No we don't want to be him, Dave, but on my street we have a house with two eighty-somethings, a house with a 90 year old widow nest to a 100 year old widow, a woman in her seventies, us and a young couple in their 30's. Guess who has covered their yard with political signs, has a gigantic flag covering their garage doors and is angry about everything? I haven't seen him with a shotgun, but he has the big truck to go with it.
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Is he angry and taking it out on neighbors? A large truck means nothing, we have a large truck for stuff.
 
NorthernLight said:
I was always polite and reluctant to speak up. I wanted to be liked.

Finally I realized that people didn't like me anyway. So I might as well assert or defend myself, or express my sense of humor, or whatever.

I refrain from mentioning certain topics though, as they lead to boring or pointless discussions.
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You’ve mentioned several times that people don’t like you. I must tell you that I gravitated toward you immediately when I joined this forum. I find you intelligent, elegant and interesting. I like you!
 
Marian said:
You’ve mentioned several times that people don’t like you. I must tell you that I gravitated toward you immediately when I joined this forum. I find you intelligent, elegant and interesting. I like you!
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Thank you so much, Marian. I think my online persona is different from the impression I give in person. I just do better with the written word; I feel that this is the real me.
 
I don’t like to get into debates anymore or express an opinion that may be different from the majority, although I have done it here and I really regret it.
In the past I loved a good debate and often found that I learned from it. These days there really is no debate and I don’t learn anything from the other side. There is so much friction between people and their opinions and rarely is any explanation or proof presented that might help me to learn something or change my mind.
All it does is cause me anxiety, exhaust me and make me dislike people. I dislike many people these days and find it very sad.
 
Pookie said:
Is he angry and taking it out on neighbors? A large truck means nothing, we have a large truck for stuff.
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Oh sorry I didn't mean to offend anyone with a big truck, I was just thinking of the trucks I see with a gun case across the back. Everyone on the block has a truck!

All I meant to say is that it's not just old people who get grumpy, he's young and grumpy.
 
Youngster said:
I'm fast getting to the point where I don't give a shit if what I have to say doesn't set well with the people I happen to be around at the time.

I'm wondering if this is because I'm now retired and don't feel like have to "tow the line" so to speak like I did at the job I held for so many years. Or is it just because I'm getting older and figure I can get away with it.
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I feel the same as you do and think it’s both - no longer needing the public relations image we needed on the job and we no longer want to be upwardly mobile in society. I don’t go out of my way to protest or disagree any more. I'm so old that most issues are soon going to have to resolve themselves without me, so they might as well get started on that now.
 
NorthernLight said:
Finally I realized that people didn't like me anyway. So I might as well assert or defend myself, or express my sense of humor, or whatever.

I refrain from mentioning certain topics though, as they lead to boring or pointless discussions.
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Everybody has somebody who doesn't like them. I have always enjoyed your posts and most other members do too. Like you, I sometimes refrain from engaging with people who are boring and pointless and not worth arguing with.
 
Thank you for your kind words, @TabbyAnn .

It isn't that the people themselves are boring. But I know that if I mention, say, health concerns, I'll hear things that I've already heard and don't need to hear again.
 
JustDave said:
At our age, we ought not to piss people off. All of our friends are dying off, and there won't be any people left that we like to talk to. It's a good idea to age with grace, while there isn't much to gain by being an angry old grouch doing the angry old man thing that nobody takes seriously, like that guy sitting on his porch with his shotgun waiting for the government men to come, while the young neighbors just roll their eyes and make the cuckoo sign when they talk about you.
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It's not so much doing the "angry old man" thing as it is not putting up with the bullshit people throw my way. I politely hand it back to them.
 
2,400 years ago Aristotle said, "In public or private, we speak for one reason....to persuade". At my age I don't persuade anyone about anything,
nor do I allow other people to persuade me with their nonsense. Almost all of my conversations now are simple exchanges of useful information....like how to prevent black spot on roses.
 
down2earth said:
2,400 years ago Aristotle said, "In public or private, we speak for one reason....to persuade". At my age I don't persuade anyone about anything,
nor do I allow other people to persuade me with their nonsense. Almost all of my conversations now are simple exchanges of useful information....like how to prevent black spot on roses.
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I am at the same place. I don’t engage. Of course, that does make some people really mad, including relatives! I don’t want to hear any more pitches to join someone’s bandwagon or parade. I am a gang of one!
Ps. If anyone knows how to keep white flys off of tomato plants, I am all ears. I have never been able to solve it.
 
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