What Am I Missing?

Been There

Well-known Member
Location
Florida
I met this lady about 2 months ago at a friend’s birthday party. She is actually his sister whose husband died about 2 years ago from a brain tumor. I am very sympathetic towards anyone who loses a close family member to any form of cancer. I have had friends die from this dreaded disease and for some, death was a friend because they were in the worse pain and suffered tremendously that I ever saw anyone have.

We talked at the party for quite awhile and it became apparent that we had a lot in common. She liked things that I did and vice versa. I don’t snow ski anymore, but she does and she owns a time share out west and ended up inviting me along with her next winter. I told her that before we go that far, why don’t we have dinner and share an evening learning about each other first and she did agree. Last night was our first date. When I got to her condo, she had her sister with her. When my date excused herself for a few minutes, her sister told me she was very nervous. This was her first date since her husband died and she told her sister she felt like she was cheating on him.

I was very careful what I said or added to her conversations. I thought it best to let her do most of the talking. When she asked about my past, I kept it short. We had finished a very nice dinner. I took her to one of D.C.’s finest restaurants that I enjoy, even though it is very costly, but you get the treatment you pay for. I had planned next to drive over to the MGM casino and they have either a special event (like Gladys Knight, etc.) or you can get a table, have drinks and listen to a live band. We had only been there about a half hour when said she wasn’t feeling well (I thought maybe she was wanting to ditch me) and would like to leave. No problem. I had the valet bring my vehicle to the front of the hotel and when we got to her condo, she invited me inside. I asked if she was sure she was up to having company and she said she felt better.

When we were settled inside and she had changed into some type of loungewear, she asked how about if she would put a movie on. I said sure. It was still early, like 9:30. She put an old Jack Nicholson movie on “As Good As It Gets,” which I have seen before, but I liked it the first time I saw it years ago. We laughed and had a few drinks and she served a cheese, crackers and some type of meat that I didn’t recognize on a tray. It was a very good evening with a beautiful younger lady, I am guessing around early 50’s, trim and dressed very stylish. I could tell she went to a lot of trouble to look like she was worthy of being in a fashion show.

She said she was very curious as to why I never married. She told me (and shocked me, which is hard to do) that to many ladies, I was walking gold. I was puzzled by what she meant, so I asked her. She said you don’t realize that men like you only come into a woman’s life maybe once in 50 years. You have your own home, are financially secure, have social status and are very good looking and what amazed her most was that I didn’t realize any of that. Her last words before kissing me on the cheek and saying good night was, “I don’t get it. There has to be more to your story.” Now, I am really puzzled by her assumptions of me. Do I ask for a second date or were her parting words her parting words? I’m definitely confused. I thought of asking my friend to asker sister how things went on the date and would she be up for a second date, but then I thought, we’re not in high school anymore. Give her a call on Monday evening and ask her if everything’s ok between us? She is the personal secretary of a Senator and works in the Capitol. Any thoughts?
 

@Been There - She seems to like you, and you like her enough to ask her out again. There's no need to involve your friend to ask her sister anything. You're not in high school, you're a big boy and can handle this yourself.

You said you kept comments about yourself short and let her do most of the talking. She's curious about you that's why she said, "I don't get it. There has to be more to the story." She wants to know more about you and, in particular, why you never married.

When you took her to the casino after dinner, she wasn't feeling well. It's interesting that she recovered so quickly and invited you in when you got back to her place. I think that was because she would have rather been alone with you in a more comfortable and intimate setting, not because she wasn't feeling well. 😉

Stop driving yourself crazy and ask her out again if that's what you want to do, but expect to reveal more of yourself, and don't ask her if everything is okay. She's interested but she wants answers, or she'll continue to "assume" things about you. Go for the second date, that will tell you whether you want to continue seeing her or not.

Bella ✌️
 
She may caution herself to not “care too much”. You are long term single for some reason…and she still admits to feeling married. This is a conflict. People who commit are often reserved around those who do not. Just my take on it…i am not clairvoyant.
 

Any thoughts?
I agree with the others, if you like her ask her out again.
This was her first date since her husband died and she told her sister she felt like she was cheating on him.
Probably explains her behavior. If she has accepted that first date with you she is probably trying to move on. I wouldn't read too much into her comment or behavior. If you like her just go with it, could take time but might be worth it.
 
In her saying that there has to be more to your story it sounds like she wants to know more about the "why" you have never married.

Could be she heard rumours from your friend about your lack of why you never got hitched, rumours that you are gay, or a Mama's boy or that you had a long time relationship that you keep secret.....we are women....our minds work overtime.

If you feel a connection then pick up the phone.
 
Ask her out again...take it slow and allow things to develop naturally. That will give her time to perhaps let go of the feeling she's "cheating" on her husband (which is normal for some widows when they start dating again). Share a little more about yourself so she doesn't feel you're hiding something or putting up a wall.
 
@Been There, It sounds as though YOU are the perfect man, handsome,
secure, straight, A MARINE, well mannered, intelligent, distinguished;
(I could go on and on) and YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW IT! WOW!
She wants to "peel the onion" to find out so much more about you.
You are both giving a surface performance of exactly what is expected
of each other. Now, Do something different. Ask her out but not to impress
her. a picnic, a walk in the woods, something where you can TALK to each
other and really find out about each other, as you REALLY ARE.
Not all up to her. YOU have to feel comfortable with what you're feeling.
Yes, I would say she very much wants to see you again.
 
Call her. I agree with @Gaer about another date "not to impress." If you live in the DC area, there are plenty of places to go to just wander around, "set a spell" on a park bench, maybe stop for something to eat or just coffee, and take the opportunity to get to know each other. Why not? What've you got to lose? She'd probably be grateful for a no-pressure date.
 
“I don’t get it. There has to be more to your story.” Now, I am really puzzled by her assumptions of me. Do I ask for a second date or were her parting words her parting words? I’m defin Give her a call on Monday evening and ask her if everything’s ok between us? She is the personal secretary of a Senator and works in the Capitol. Any thoughts?
I'm not sure I can add much to what others have already said... but I *do* "kind of understand" a few things she said. Not feeling well when you were out could very well have been her nerves. Maybe the feeling of being unfaithful like her sister mentioned hit her very hard right then. About the "you're gold" and "must be more to your story" is very understandable because I've always heard that if something seems too good to be true, it probably is. I think I'd wonder the same thing she did... except I probably wouldn't voice it aloud. :giggle:

Now one thing... when you call (and you should if that's what you want) I wouldn't ask if "everything is alright between us" because... well, just because. It doesn't sound right to me because she most likely would wonder why in the the world you'd think something wasn't right since you just had one date and it sounds as if it ended well. And if you *do* call and go out again, follow your gut about it all... if it doesn't feel right on any level or something doesn't seem sincere, listen to your intuition.
 
Share a little more about yourself so she doesn't feel you're hiding something or putting up a wall.

About the "you're gold" and "must be more to your story" is very understandable because I've always heard that if something seems too good to be true, it probably is. I think I'd wonder the same thing she did... except I probably wouldn't voice it aloud. :giggle:
You really do appear on the surface to be too good to be true. You’ve told us you don’t like to give out too much information to anyone. If you want to have a relationship, that’ll need to loosen up. You have her sister to tell you things about her; she doesn’t really have anyone. As a woman I’d be very, very cautious! Think about it from her side.

Get on that phone and arrange another date.
 

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