Love Life

I have a hard time imaging political differences as a reason to reject an otherwise good match. Sure if the other person is an extremist of the right or left, but I would never get involved in the first place with an extremist.
 

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Brookswood said:
I have a hard time imaging political differences as a reason to reject an otherwise good match. Sure if the other person is an extremist of the right or left, but I would never get involved in the first place with an extremist.
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Yeah, I could see it working for a well-matched couple if they handled it respectfully and delicately, but if they were outspoken or passionate about the belief, then I think it would get dicey.
 
bobcat48 said:
I think there are trade-offs to every lifestyle. You give up one thing, but get another. I't just a matter of deciding what's most important, and be willing to give up the rest.
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True, just as there are trade-offs to living in various locations. Pros and cons to all our choices. Everyone both needs and has a right to decide what choices are best for themselves. And that may change over time or due to experiences.

Hopefully by the time one is a senior one knows themselves well enough to both recognize one's needs and priorities (and changes in either) and be honest with others about them.
 

I think love can act in strange ways sometimes. I loved a woman for years, but being in the military and making it a career, I never thought it fair to her or any children we may have. She was ok with it, but I didn’t think it was a good idea. So she married 3 times. Two beaters and a cheater. I gave one of the beaters his comeuppance and almost was arrested, which would have effected my rank. I got away with one that time, but he knew he had it coming. Then I retired, bought her a 3 ct. engagement ring early in the year. I was debating to give it to her on her birthday in October or wait until Christmas. She died unexpectedly on July 5 last year. Still haven’t gotten over that. Sometimes you just can’t win.
 
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bobcat48 said:
(Assuming you are single)
If you met someone at this stage of your life that you were attracted to and enjoyed spending time with, which of the following would you prefer:
To continue living alone and just be friends
To continue living alone, keep your independence, and just go on dates
To move in together as a couple
To get married

(Reasons - If you want to share?)
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About 40 years after my 1st wife and I divorced, I married for the second time just a couple years ago. Her name is Michelle, she'd never been married, and she's quite a bit younger than me; she'll be 40 on her next birthday. I knew she had me heart and soul within just a few months after we started spending a lot of time together, so I asked her what she thought about moving in with me.

Basically, she told me to eff-off and asked me what I thought about getting married instead. My argument about our age difference didn't hold up to her "If I'm old enough to live with you, I'm old enough to marry you." Plus, she pointed out (unnecessarily) that chances are pretty great she'll outlive me, and so what about our home and stuff? I know my kids would leave her be, but would she still have some sort of legal battle, like maybe with the state or whatever?

So, marriage totally simplifies all that, and also, I'm not up to dating. And Meesh is kind of a home-body, too. Well, she works and takes classes at a local college, but that offers the luxury of not constantly being in each other's way. We have common interests and we both see the funny side of life, so we have a lot of laughs. My kids and grandkids adore her, I like all her family very much.

So, yeah. It's working out really well. After 40 years of bachelorhood, I did not expect this at all.
 
Been There said:
I think love can act in strange ways sometimes. I loved a woman for years, but being in the military and making it a career, I never thought it fair to her or any children we may have. She was ok with it, but I didn’t think it was a good idea. So she married 3 times. Two beaters and a cheater. I gave one of the beaters his comeuppance and almost was arrested, which would have effected my rank. I got away with one that time, but he knew he had it coming. Then I retired, bought her a 3 ct. engagement ring early in the year. I was debating to give it to her on her birthday in October or wait until Christmas. She died unexpectedly on July 5 last year. Still have gotten over that. Sometimes you just can’t win.
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A tragic story, but I think intuitively she knew she was loved by someone decent. It's just sad that she didn't get to really enjoy it.
 
Murrmurr said:
About 40 years after my 1st wife and I divorced, I married for the second time just a couple years ago. Her name is Michelle, she'd never been married, and she's quite a bit younger than me; she'll be 40 on her next birthday. I knew she had me heart and soul within just a few months after we started spending a lot of time together, so I asked her what she thought about moving in with me.

Basically, she told me to eff-off and asked me what I thought about getting married instead. My argument about our age difference didn't hold up to her "If I'm old enough to live with you, I'm old enough to marry you." Plus, she pointed out (unnecessarily) that chances are pretty great she'll outlive me, and so what about our home and stuff? I know my kids would leave her be, but would she still have some sort of legal battle, like maybe with the state or whatever?

So, marriage totally simplifies all that, and also, I'm not up to dating. And Meesh is kind of a home-body, too. Well, she works and takes classes at a local college, but that offers the luxury of not constantly being in each other's way. We have common interests and we both see the funny side of life, so we have a lot of laughs. My kids and grandkids adore her, I like all her family very much.

So, yeah. It's working out really well. After 40 years of bachelorhood, I did not expect this at all.
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Sounds like her "All or Nothing" ultimatum worked, and you are both the better for it. This one's a keeper.
 
I was married to someone where we were opposite politically and it didn’t cause problems. We just agreed not to discuss it. I know someone that is an atheist and is happily married to someone quite religious. They attend church together and he views it as a social club. He doesn’t take communion because that’s hypocritical. It’s never caused any problems in their relationship.
 
Been There said:
My problem (and it is a problem) is how do I move on? Every single day, I live part of that day thinking what kind of life we would or could have had together. It is really an emotional torture at times.
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Well, that's the thing with the "What If?" scenario. You assume that you know how things would have worked out in the other timeline, and you don't. There are probably a hundred variables that might have happened in the other imagined life that would change the picture. You could even be dead from who knows what. In the other possible life, you might have been kicking yourself for not making the military a career, and you never imagined this happening in your life. The point is that we can never know the outcome of our choices before we make them, and we can never know the outcome of what life might have been if we made the other choice. We imagine everything would have worked out as a fairy tale in the realm our mind creates, but things are rarely what we imagine them to be.
 
bobcat48 said:
Well, that's the thing with the "What If?" scenario. You assume that you know how things would have worked out in the other timeline, and you don't. There are probably a hundred variables that might have happened in the other imagined life that would change the picture. You could even be dead from who knows what. In the other possible life, you might have been kicking yourself for not making the military a career, and you never imagined this happening in your life. The point is that we can never know the outcome of our choices before we make them, and we can never know the outcome of what life might have been if we made the other choice. We imagine everything would have worked out as a fairy tale in the realm our mind creates, but things are rarely what we imagine them to be.
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I agree and I do spend time kicking myself. My psychologist told me that when I think about the times we would have shared, instead think about the times we did share together. Truthfully, that hurts too. I would see her every chance I got for the most part. I wouldn’t stay in her home because she didn’t like the way it looked to the neighbors and her 2 daughters. I was good with that.

The very last time I saw her was just a month before she died. I thought she was doing well. She never talked to me of her recent health issues. I had no idea that when I wasn’t around, she used a wheelchair a lot of the time. She had just graduated high school and came down with Hodgkins Disease. This was years back before today’s treatments. They gave her a lot of radiation and chemo and over time it weakened her bones that I couldn’t give her a squeeze hug without pain. I knew she was holding something back. Her daughters were told not to tell me.

Her mom and dad were both deceased, but I spoke with her sister, who was very careful with what or how much she told me. I called MD Anderson Csncer Hospital in Houston and spoke to maybe 4 or 5 different doctors and people about bringing her down there. They said they would need a full health history that no one would share with me and I needed a referral from her present Oncologist. Then they would make her an appointment. I spoke to her about doing this. I told her I would pay the bills, even though she was able to do so herself.

I always felt I was spinning my wheels when we spoke about her health. To look at her, you would think she was in great health, so they did a good job hiding it from me. She could do about anything the rest of us did. A month before she died, we went to a mutual friend’s daughter’s wedding. The last song we danced to was “My Girl.” I sang it to her while we danced.

I don’t have much faith in the saying “Time heals all wounds.”
 
Been There said:
I think love can act in strange ways sometimes. I loved a woman for years, but being in the military and making it a career, I never thought it fair to her or any children we may have. She was ok with it, but I didn’t think it was a good idea. So she married 3 times. Two beaters and a cheater. I gave one of the beaters his comeuppance and almost was arrested, which would have effected my rank. I got away with one that time, but he knew he had it coming. Then I retired, bought her a 3 ct. engagement ring early in the year. I was debating to give it to her on her birthday in October or wait until Christmas. She died unexpectedly on July 5 last year. Still haven’t gotten over that. Sometimes you just can’t win.
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I’m so sorry for your loss and continuous heartache. I sincerely hope you take 15 minutes each day focusing on something you love. Each week add one minute to this exercise. It doesn’t magically bring anyone back but it can gradually teach you how to find joy on a day to day bases which you can learn to expand on. The prime word being ‘learn.’

Being depressed can suck the very life out of you. Don’t let it.
 
Been There said:
I agree and I do spend time kicking myself. My psychologist told me that when I think about the times we would have shared, instead think about the times we did share together. Truthfully, that hurts too. I would see her every chance I got for the most part. I wouldn’t stay in her home because she didn’t like the way it looked to the neighbors and her 2 daughters. I was good with that.

The very last time I saw her was just a month before she died. I thought she was doing well. She never talked to me of her recent health issues. I had no idea that when I wasn’t around, she used a wheelchair a lot of the time. She had just graduated high school and came down with Hodgkins Disease. This was years back before today’s treatments. They gave her a lot of radiation and chemo and over time it weakened her bones that I couldn’t give her a squeeze hug without pain. I knew she was holding something back. Her daughters were told not to tell me.

Her mom and dad were both deceased, but I spoke with her sister, who was very careful with what or how much she told me. I called MD Anderson Csncer Hospital in Houston and spoke to maybe 4 or 5 different doctors and people about bringing her down there. They said they would need a full health history that no one would share with me and I needed a referral from her present Oncologist. Then they would make her an appointment. I spoke to her about doing this. I told her I would pay the bills, even though she was able to do so herself.

I always felt I was spinning my wheels when we spoke about her health. To look at her, you would think she was in great health, so they did a good job hiding it from me. She could do about anything the rest of us did. A month before she died, we went to a mutual friend’s daughter’s wedding. The last song we danced to was “My Girl.” I sang it to her while we danced.

I don’t have much faith in the saying “Time heals all wounds.”
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You obviously loved her deeply, and many go through life never experiencing that. She was fortunate to know someone who did. I just lost my wife of 30 years. It was 4 months ago today, and today was a day for crying and remembering the life together that has been lost. I know the grief you feel. But I also know that they would never want you or I to dig an emotional hole and crawl into it. They couldn't help departing from this life, but they don't want you or I to either. As hard as it may be, it's important to stay engaged in life and whatever the future may hold for us. They will always be with us, no matter what, but we have to go on. It's what they would have wanted. It's what you would have wanted if you had been the one who passed.
 
PeppermintPatty said:
I’m so sorry for your loss and continuous heartache. I sincerely hope you take 15 minutes each day focusing on something you love. Each week add one minute to this exercise. It doesn’t magically bring anyone back but it can gradually teach you how to find joy on a day to day bases which you can learn to expand on. The prime word being ‘learn.’

Being depressed can suck the very life out of you. Don’t let it.
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I’m not really depressed, but it saddens me that she’s not here anymore. I know there’s a fine line between being sad and depressed, but depression is not me. I still have energy and look forward to getting out and doing things. I think when a person is depressed, they have thrown in the towel and mostly given up. Not really having a lot of energy or looking forward to that vacation or being with friends. That’s really not me.

I spend a part of each day thinking of her and I together. It tears at my heart. You wouldn’t think of that for a Marine that has been to hell and sent back. This is why I say love can act in strange ways.

I have a friend from the military that had his home destroyed during the hurricane last fall in Florida. He has a new place all set up and living in it and has been asking me to come down and spend a month. I am considering doing that. Going away doesn’t leave your problems behind, but a change of scenery may change my disposition. It’s worth a shot, I suppose. Besides, there’s a few other Marines down there that we can hook up with and do some fishing.
 
bobcat48 said:
You obviously loved her deeply, and many go through life never experiencing that. She was fortunate to know someone who did. I just lost my wife of 30 years. It was 4 months ago today, and today was a day for crying and remembering the life together that has been lost. I know the grief you feel. But I also know that they would never want you or I to dig an emotional hole and crawl into it. They couldn't help departing from this life, but they don't want you or I to either. As hard as it may be, it's important to stay engaged in life and whatever the future may hold for us. They will always be with us, no matter what, but we have to go on. It's what they would have wanted. It's what you would have wanted if you had been the one who passed.
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This is where the problem lies and I have discussed this with my psychologist who has said basically the same things only used different words. My question is, how do I make that change? When my parents were killed, I was only 9. I really didn’t know about feelings and emotions. I just felt empty, void of anything. What am I supposed to do? What am I not supposed to do? What do people expect of me? I had no idea about what’s next?

Emotions can confuse a person. Feelings can make you feel better or worse, depending on my attitude. Everyone has heard of having a good day and having a bad day. I have in-between days. Confusing to say the least.
 
Been There said:
This is where the problem lies and I have discussed this with my psychologist who has said basically the same things only used different words. My question is, how do I make that change? When my parents were killed, I was only 9. I really didn’t know about feelings and emotions. I just felt empty, void of anything. What am I supposed to do? What am I not supposed to do? What do people expect of me? I had no idea about what’s next?

Emotions can confuse a person. Feelings can make you feel better or worse, depending on my attitude. Everyone has heard of having a good day and having a bad day. I have in-between days. Confusing to say the least.
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Well, I can only share from my own experience, and it is this. Feelings are a direct result of thoughts. Where your thoughts are your feelings or emotions follow. In addition, if you focus your thoughts on how you're feeling, then more feelings follow. You have very little control over your feelings or emotions, however, your thoughts are like a flashlight, in that they can be directed and focused, which is the key to finding your way in the dark and rescuing your feelings that are stuck in the dark attic of your mind. Where you shine that "Thought Flashlight" is a choice you make.
I don't mean to imply that feelings are things to avoid. They serve a purpose for us to process and understand life, but it can be easy to get caught in the loop where you think about something, then you feel the result of the thoughts, then you think about how you feel, and then more feelings come.
You are the agent of your thoughts. Take command of that when you need to, and your feelings will fall in line.
Visit those thoughts and feelings whenever you need to, just don't take up residence there. Let your thoughts lead the way.

The ultimate success in life is to find the sunshine of joy and happiness between the storms of sorrow.
 
bobcat said:
(Assuming you are single)
If you met someone at this stage of your life that you were attracted to and enjoyed spending time with, which of the following would you prefer:
To continue living alone and just be friends
To continue living alone, keep your independence, and just go on dates
To move in together as a couple
To get married

(Reasons - If you want to share?)
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Well let's see id love a relationship I like being with someone who's caring and loving and honest who I can communicate one on one with, not interested in marriage tho ..living together is ok but only after awhile of knowing each other ..
 
This November it will be 12 years of perpetual dating.
We spend most weekends together,
we travel all over the world together,
We do Christmas together a week before actual Christmas because we both have families that we want to be with on Christmas day.
We talk on the phone daily (sometimes 2 times a day).....yep for 12 years
We both have Trusts leaving everything to each of our own children
It works for us......
 
Twice divorced here. Not willing to be in another romantic relationship at this time. Not sure if that will change down the line or not. As for friendship...eh...I just seem to do better on my own. I find relationships to be stressful and they rob me of my joy instead of creating it. So...if I met someone I was attracted to I would likely enjoy the conversation at that moment and then run for the hills never to be seen again. :sneaky:
 
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