I'm Fat. I Still Get Hungry.

Remy

Remy

Well-known Member
Location
California, USA
I had a bad several days. Stepfather stresses me. Stress, abuse, upset, all that stuff sends me back to food.

Walked this AM. Had tofu and two thin pieces whole grain toast for breakfast. Less than 2/3 can lentil/vegetable soup, Amy's brand for lunch. I'll have a K'chava shake for dinner. I'm hungry but have to get back on track. Stress or no stress.

I only have a tomato. I need to go to the farmers market Wednesday.
 

Remy said:
I had a bad several days. Stepfather stresses me. Stress, abuse, upset, all that stuff sends me back to food.

Walked this AM. Had tofu and two thin pieces whole grain toast for breakfast. Less than 2/3 can lentil/vegetable soup, Amy's brand for lunch. I'll have a K'chava shake for dinner. I'm hungry but have to get back on track. Stress or no stress.

I only have a tomato. I need to go to the farmers market Wednesday.
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Not telling you off, you have enough worries.. just gently pointing out that canned soup is super high in Salt... so be very careful
 
Remy said:
I had a bad several days. Stepfather stresses me. Stress, abuse, upset, all that stuff sends me back to food.

Walked this AM. Had tofu and two thin pieces whole grain toast for breakfast. Less than 2/3 can lentil/vegetable soup, Amy's brand for lunch. I'll have a K'chava shake for dinner. I'm hungry but have to get back on track. Stress or no stress.

I only have a tomato. I need to go to the farmers market Wednesday.
Click to expand...
No wonder you're hungry! A baby cup of soup for lunch?
Eat some food Remy! Have a piece of cheese and an apple.
Have some peanut butter on celery.
Eat a boiled egg with curry powder on it.
I know you have to go to the farmer's market first.
 
1/. Try and avoid step father
2/. If you are hungry while dieting, you are doomed to fail
3/. Be more selective with your food - canned soup is a processed food so very salty and probably full of preservatives. You showed us the veggie burgers you purchased. Take the time to cook some for yourself - you would have been best off eating TWO veggie burgers than 2/3rds can of soup
4/. Drink plenty of water , especially before you eat . It will help a lot with feeling full.
5/. Plan your meals the day before and stick to the plan
6/. Log down how long your walk is either with time or length
7/. Make a conscious effect to try and have a positive attitude

I hope that doesnā€™t sound too harsh.
 
SmoothSeas said:
^^^sage advice this...

some folk thrive on trauma and drama. it's up to you to put an end to all that cr*p!!!
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I don't live with him. But he's going to be 94 in September. He calls every evening at 7. NOW he wants me to call every morning at 8 to be sure he is all right. I have to help him with taking one of his cats to the vet, then he wants to go to the lawyer again. He's going to take my brother off the power of attorney.

He's focused on thinking about all he put up with my mother. I think he's sitting and thinking about it all day. With his hearing impairment, he doesn't have as much distraction as I do. I get that. But he seems to have no empathy for what we went through as kids. I even asked him that. He completely ignored me. He said he was afraid of my mother. I said "how do you think we felt as kids." Silence. I don't know how long this will go on. I have no one. My brother is twisted and abusive. He is no support. He's extremely manipulative.
 
PeppermintPatty said:
1/. Try and avoid step father
2/. If you are hungry while dieting, you are doomed to fail
3/. Be more selective with your food - canned soup is a processed food so very salty and probably full of preservatives. You showed us the veggie burgers you purchased. Take the time to cook some for yourself - you would have been best off eating TWO veggie burgers than 2/3rds can of soup
4/. Drink plenty of water , especially before you eat . It will help a lot with feeling full.
5/. Plan your meals the day before and stick to the plan
6/. Log down how long your walk is either with time or length
7/. Make a conscious effect to try and have a positive attitude

I hope that doesnā€™t sound too harsh.
Click to expand...
I can't avoid him. He's forcing me to talk to him two times a day. Now I have to wrangle my morning around him. Watch the clock. I want to tell him to bleep off but I can't. I keep wondering how long he will live.

The two veggie burgers may have been about the same calorie count. Probably a little more. I had that can on hand. I'll avoid buying more. Thank you for your advice. I ate too much the last 5 days or so, I think that's why I'm so hungry. I should be better tomorrow and by Wednesday.
 
Remy said:
I can't avoid him. He's forcing me to talk to him two times a day. Now I have to wrangle my morning around him. Watch the clock. I want to tell him to bleep off but I can't. I keep wondering how long he will live.

The two veggie burgers may have been about the same calorie count. Probably a little more. I had that can on hand. I'll avoid buying more. Thank you for your advice. I ate too much the last 5 days or so, I think that's why I'm so hungry. I should be better tomorrow and by Wednesday.
Click to expand...
Why is he forcing you to talk?
He shouldnā€™t be forcing you to do anything you donā€™t want to do.
Why canā€™t you tell him to bleep off ?
Do you live with him?
 
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Remy said:
I don't live with him. But he's going to be 94 in September. He calls every evening at 7. NOW he wants me to call every morning at 8 to be sure he is all right. I have to help him with taking one of his cats to the vet, then he wants to go to the lawyer again. He's going to take my brother off the power of attorney.

He's focused on thinking about all he put up with my mother. I think he's sitting and thinking about it all day. With his hearing impairment, he doesn't have as much distraction as I do. I get that. But he seems to have no empathy for what we went through as kids. I even asked him that. He completely ignored me. He said he was afraid of my mother. I said "how do you think we felt as kids." Silence. I don't know how long this will go on. I have no one. My brother is twisted and abusive. He is no support. He's extremely manipulative.
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We take care of our elder parents for us, not for them. He's 94. He could live many more years but probably not.
It's time to forgive, again, for YOU, not for him. We have to do these things in our lives even if we're calling him "jackass" under our breath.
 
Remy said:
I can't avoid him. He's forcing me to talk to him two times a day. Now I have to wrangle my morning around him. Watch the clock. I want to tell him to bleep off but I can't. I keep wondering how long he will live.

The two veggie burgers may have been about the same calorie count. Probably a little more. I had that can on hand. I'll avoid buying more. Thank you for your advice. I ate too much the last 5 days or so, I think that's why I'm so hungry. I should be better tomorrow and by Wednesday.
Click to expand...
Can you tell him you'll call twice every other day? Or mornings and evenings alternately?...morning this day, evening the next, and so on.

HE isn't forcing you, you're forcing yourself. That's exhausting and stressful. You just have to tell him you can't do his schedule; that you will make the schedule.

It'll take him a while to accept that, but eventually he will realize he just has to live with it. Until then, you'll feel stressed out, but that will pass. Within a month, I bet. One and a half at most. He might still moan about it now and then, but you can let an old man's occasional gripes roll off your back.
 
Remy said:
Had tofu and two thin pieces whole grain toast for breakfast. Less than 2/3 can lentil/vegetable soup, Amy's brand for lunch. I'll have a K'chava shake for dinner. I'm hungry but have to get back on track. Stress or no stress.

I only have a tomato. I need to go to the farmers market Wednesday.
Click to expand...

Don't make weight loss a "punishment", eat what you want, just in smaller portions, downsize by say 20-25%. Of course you're going to want to decrease the use of sugar and fatty foods. Eat snacks! Fruit is a snack!
Take comfort in the knowledge that "you can do this" :) and remember- weight loss is a marathon, and not a sprint.
 
It appears you are dealing with someone who has dementia so keep him emotionally at arms length. It is common for them develop a dependency on their caregiver or other person.
I am no weight loss expert but I have found that a good multivitamin and eating small well balanced meals help, however, this might not be the best time to try to lose weight but only care better for yourself.
Be good to yourself.
 
I read a book years ago that said if we eat what we truly want we eat less. He even gave weird examples like one person who desired ice cream sodas and most days had three and desired nothing more and lost weight. A similar story involved a woman's love of mashed potatoes.

Nathan, post #14 gave excellent advice.
 
Re: Remi's Post #8:

Remi: DO NOT ADJUST YOUR LIFE TO SUITE YOUR STEP FATHER!!

Look after your self FIRST . Try to do some exercise daily (it is a stress reliever) and have some "me only" time (ie an activity you enjoy - eg reading, TV, puzzles, visiting with friends, going for lunch/coffee alone or with friends)

His relationship with your mother has NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU. Bringing up the past is trying to put the guilt on you!! He is lonely and afraid .
 
PeppermintPatty said:
Why is he forcing you to talk?
He shouldnā€™t be forcing you to do anything you donā€™t want to do.
Why canā€™t you tell him to bleep off ?
Do you live with him?
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No. He moved to my town after my mother died. It's the FOG. Fear Obligation Guilt. I don't really like him but I can feel bad for him. It's not my fault he put up with my mother's abuse. He could have left. As kids, we couldn't.

I don't know what to do. I just wish I had someone to vent to. My brother is horrible. He will actually yell at me, tell me I'm not doing anything and play that he is the caring hero. He send a letter every now and then. Such effort on his part. He's likely a personality disorder himself, like our mother, from the abuse.
 
Murrmurr said:
Can you tell him you'll call twice every other day? Or mornings and evenings alternately?...morning this day, evening the next, and so on.

HE isn't forcing you, you're forcing yourself. That's exhausting and stressful. You just have to tell him you can't do his schedule; that you will make the schedule.

It'll take him a while to accept that, but eventually he will realize he just has to live with it. Until then, you'll feel stressed out, but that will pass. Within a month, I bet. One and a half at most. He might still moan about it now and then, but you can let an old man's occasional gripes roll off your back.
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I don't know. I think he got the idea from his niece who's daughter calls every morning to be sure they are OK. But likely his niece wasn't abusive to her children like what we grew up with.
 
Remy said:
No. He moved to my town after my mother died. It's the FOG. Fear Obligation Guilt. I don't really like him but I can feel bad for him. It's not my fault he put up with my mother's abuse. He could have left. As kids, we couldn't.

I don't know what to do. I just wish I had someone to vent to. My brother is horrible. He will actually yell at me, tell me I'm not doing anything and play that he is the caring hero. He send a letter every now and then. Such effort on his part. He's likely a personality disorder himself, like our mother, from the abuse.
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You need to get rid of the FOG immediately. This isnā€™t healthy or fair for either one of you.
Elderly people can and do get demanding and abusive and unfortunately people like you become doormats in these type of relationships. You seem to have a difficult time sticking up for yourself and believing you deserve better.

Call your government health organizations for the elderly and tell them you need help. You are not qualified for this type of situation and itā€™s stressing you out. That obvious.

He is your primary source of your stress and thatā€™s why you canā€™t lose weight right now.
Deal with your stress source first then work on your diet. In the meantime, take deep breaths and just eat WELL. Nutritious filled foods.
 
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Remy said:
I don't know. I think he got the idea from his niece who's daughter calls every morning to be sure they are OK. But likely his niece wasn't abusive to her children like what we grew up with.
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I think he just wants the check-in service to make sure he's still alive. You could set that up for him through an agency and take if off you.
 
Remy said:
I don't know what to do. I just wish I had someone to vent to. My brother is horrible. He will actually yell at me, tell me I'm not doing anything and play that he is the caring hero. He send a letter every now and then. Such effort on his part. He's likely a personality disorder himself, like our mother, from the abuse.
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Just my opinion: the person you need to vent to is your step-dad. Let your feeling flow, including anger. Yell at him if need be. I think that would be therapeutic for the BOTH of you.
 
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