Anyone else here estranged from their family?

I saw a lot of estrangement in my parent’s generation. That convinced me to not let that happen to me. So far so good. I hate it when I hear people trash talk their siblings. I had one sibling. She’s dead due to cancer. People will do things to family they would never do to a stranger.
 

My relatives live in another state. My mom had a personality disorder, but growing up and for a long time, I wasn't aware of this. So, a lot of the disaffection in my family could be due to this. Anyway, it was so much easier to say "the hell with all of you" than to go through the petty spats, digs, fights and emotional turmoil with my relatives. Sharing some DNA doesn't make them any less annoying.
 
Daisy the Dog said:
It’s difficult to talk about, but I was just wondering if anyone else is in the same boat.
Click to expand...
Not estranged.

I am 60 and my mother is 82.

I would say a lot of family passed away.
On both sides of the family there are still some living family members.
I am in telephone contact with just one elder family member.
The rest of the family does not keep in touch.
 
Last edited:
Daisy the Dog said:
It’s difficult to talk about, but I was just wondering if anyone else is in the same boat.
Click to expand...

I am 99% estranged. Weirdly to some, it's no problem at all. I often read comments from people in various contexts talking about his important family is, blood is thicker than water, and the rest. Well, it's been nothing good for me. In fact, it held me back so much it makes me annoyed just to think of it.

My response might not be your typical one - but honestly, hand on heart, not thinking of my family is a godsend. I don't know who those people are, but they're simply not like me. They would say the same about me. It's okay. I accept it. And that "family is the most important" thing? It applies only to those directly in touch with me.
 
Daisy the Dog said:
It’s difficult to talk about, but I was just wondering if anyone else is in the same boat.
Click to expand...
I
Daisy the Dog said:
It’s difficult to talk about, but I was just wondering if anyone else is in the same boat.
Click to expand...
I estranged my self from family because I was having husband problems but am not anymore. I just didn't know what was going on, or how to handle it and it took all my time, thoughts and etc. Won't do that again.
 
I've been occasionally ghosted by my sister, although the last time she did me the favor(?!) of telling me why. We have a very different attitude towards money, and she resented that we had more/spent more. It's not every single parent that DOESN'T want you making any kind of financial gift to or on behalf of their kids!

She's gotten better since she got her Ph.D. although we still don't connect except at family events - we're friends with her kids and their families. Just different interests and activities; we have little in common since most of our lives, we didn't even grow up in the same house.

I also don't stay in contact with one of my nephews on the East Coast. He got offended because his sister asked me to promise not to tell him she had moved to our area. At the time he was kind of a flake, on the edges of (but not a real part of) a dicey crowd. His two sisters are more mainstream and were a little scared by his friends. So when one of them asked for our promise, I gave it to her.

He found out years later after they finally reconciled, and apparently got angry at me for not telling him I knew where she was at the time. So he cut me off, but for us it wasn't a big deal as I wasn't super-close with him anyway.

I personally do not maintain contact with any of my father's family at all. They are very dysfunctional and intentionally cruel to one another. Extremely toxic people.

We have several "ex-spouses" in our family. Some drifted out of touch, but others have remained good friends.
 
In my experience there is barely a family which doesn't have problems and estrangements going on, including mine.

It's just human nature. My view is try to be civilised and respectful but if this just doesn't work, it is better to become estranged than continue damaging each other. Some people look for aggravation and know no other way.

I used to be a far more open person but I kept getting hurt. Now I keep my business to myself. If forced into company that is a minefield, I deliberately talk only about neutral subjects, as I would rather be thought boring than to be led into argument.
The tongue is the greatest liability, controlling it is very wise.
 
Morningglory said:
Sorry Wheatonlover know your pain me from 2 daughters
Click to expand...
I am not in pain. My son has no desire to have contact with me, and I've blocked him on my phone. My siblings, too, because they think I'm an idiot, and one of them believes whatever they want about me -- all made up by either my mother or in their own head.

I am not going to play mind games with three people just for their amusement.
 
Rose65 said:
In my experience there is barely a family which doesn't have problems and estrangements going on, including mine.

It's just human nature. My view is try to be civilised and respectful but if this just doesn't work, it is better to become estranged than continue damaging each other. Some people look for aggravation and know no other way.

I used to be a far more open person but I kept getting hurt. Now I keep my business to myself. If forced into company that is a minefield, I deliberately talk only about neutral subjects, as I would rather be thought boring than to be led into argument.
The tongue is the greatest liability, controlling it is very wise.
Click to expand...
Aaaa-men
 
WheatenLover said:
I am not in pain. My son has no desire to have contact with me, and I've blocked him on my phone. My siblings, too, because they think I'm an idiot, and one of them believes whatever they want about me -- all made up by either my mother or in their own head.

I am not going to play mind games with three people just for their amusement.
Click to expand...
Well done, you are saving yourself a lot of time, energy and your sanity.
 
back in the 1940's the family were always close geographically and socially - didn't always see eye to eye but who does? - I have a good memory so can remember those early years and really really miss them - various events happened and the extended families became nuclear and moved geographically apart? I miss them all grumpies and cuddlies!!!
 
davey said:
back in the 1940's the family were always close geographically and socially - didn't always see eye to eye but who does? - I have a good memory so can remember those early years and really really miss them - various events happened and the extended families became nuclear and moved geographically apart? I miss them all grumpies and cuddlies!!!
Click to expand...
I remember too, great warm times with lots of us crammed into the house for special occasions. The different quirky personalities.
 
Daisy the Dog said:
It’s difficult to talk about, but I was just wondering if anyone else is in the same boat.
Click to expand...

I've never served, so we're different in that regard. But to answer your question, yes I am estranged from my direct family. My father has passed away, but my mother is still with us, and I have two siblings.

I could wax lyrical about the reasons why, but let's call it differences of opinion. I spent a good deal of my adult life working abroad, and when I returned I was a very different person than when I left. This was probably one of the factors. There are several others though. I won't go into a "right and wrong" thing, because frankly you'd get justifications from both sides. As it is, I'm happier when they're not in my sphere, and I expect they're happier too.

Do I feel bad about it? Honestly, no. No regrets. I don't think hanging with someone just because you're related is a sensible way to be. The whole blood is thicker than water things is a fallacy. I can only control my own emotions and behaviors, and I'm happy with that. I really don't have time for angst these days.
 
I am back after 6 months or so, as if anyone noticed.

I think alienation is a better word. It is aloneness, feeling apart, separate, different.
I have been alienated from my family for most of my life. Now completely, parents are gone--
who were the Kings of alienation-- to make me feel that you are a boarder in their house. They are the Royalty
and you are the peasants, and you better live up to their expectations exactly, follow the script. A balance of half-hearted love a Resentment, Hate. It is an awful way to be brought up, by a maniac, and a clueless eccentric boor. Hollywood families are such BS.
I now have no social life, to speak of, by choice. Friends disappoint, apathy prevails all around. I tried over and over to move away, to get away from them, but I ended up in the same metro area after all my attempts to relocate. To suffer endless putdowns, digs, needling from a domineering mental case who is stupid, uneducated, know it all, and another who is very resentful and surly. No therapist or psychiatrist would fully understand or even care or help. They would say to forgive..because it is Christian rhetoric..
 
No real relationship with my only brother in last 12 years. It rested from a business relationship we were in. Screaming at me (or really anyone in a business) is not appropriate behavior, but hotheads don’t change. So, I just done deal with him at all unless necessary related to elderly parents. Oh, and wives should not fuel the flames of these situations either. If it weren’t fjr his wife’s nastiness, we would probably be speaking g again. It’s unfortunate, but it is what it is.
 
Not me. I have 2 older brothers (80 and 82) that I talk to at least once a month, usually more. Our mother just passed away at 98 a couple of years ago, and we all kept in contact with her and our step father. I often trade text messages with the grandsons and my DIL. Sadly, my immediate family (wife and son and daughter) have all passed away. Just got a phone call from my dad's youngest brother last week. And I'm FB friends with my mother's 2 youngest brothers. I love them all.
 
My older sister&I have never been close she lives in England, I've never had the desire to travel never gone to visit her. When our niece, Katie got married last Oct, it was the 1st time I had seen her in person in 10 yrs. We talked but really didn't have much to say to each other
I always keep her updated what;s going on in my life,she responds when the spirit moves her. I sent her a birthday email in Feb, no response no response. I get birthday&Xmas cards that's about it
Our younger&only brother has the relationship with her, I always ask him if he's heard from her or what she's up to
 

You must log in or register to reply here.

Back
Top