Anyone else here estranged from their family?

Loneysoul said:
My family told me I wasn’t a part of them anymore ! It bothers me that they felt that way ! My mother and father went to their graves thinking that way and my brothers have nothing to do with me !
Click to expand...

Well, I'm sure my family don't think I'm the greatest, but I really could not care less. My sister cut me off because I didn't spend enough time with her while I was in the UK, back in the days when I lived in the US and would just visit. I don't have time for that nonsense.
 

When my husband passed away on Oct. 13th, I had to call his sister to tell her. I dreaded it because she stopped talking to us a couple years before we moved to AZ, which was in 2014. We had no clue why she cut us off and wouldn't talk to us so we hadn't talked in at least 11 years.

When I called her to let her know her brother had died, she immediately started yelling at me that I was an only child and had no idea what "family" was about and that I took her brother away from her and we "snuck" off to AZ without telling anyone. WHAT???

She use to invite us over for Thanksgivings because she knew we would be by ourselves (my husband's kids lived in CA at the time and we were in PA back then). We had many family get togethers with her and her family and then suddenly she told us to go do things with our own family and she stopped speaking to us. I still have no clue to this day what happened. My husband always said she has a screw loose.
 
I'm happy to say that a few weeks ago I reached out to the only family member with whom I was estranged. I figured if she shut me down I'd be no worse off, so I offered the olive branch with no apologies, explanations or rehashing necessary from either side. Just hoped we could bury the discord that arose from being brought up in a very dysfunctional family, and move forward.

She welcomed the opportunity to bury the hatchet, and we've been texting and reacquainting ourselves with each other's lives since that day. Moving that relationship from stressful to civil was the best I'd hoped for, but we're on track for something closer than that, and I welcome it.
 
My wife's sisters were victims of recovered memories syndrome. Back when recovered memories was on all the talk shows she got a phone call from her middle sister that she'd recovered memories of sexual abuse by their father. I had been camping with my stepson but when I called her on our way back she gave me the news. Our first thought was it might be true because he was such an old world flirt with every waitress and I wondered how we could help him get through this. But when pressed for details she became evasive and my wife's parents were just bewildered.

We did some checking and discovered this organization and it gave everyone some perspective but it was hell on her parents who each died without any reconciliation with the middle daughter or the youngest who sided with her. My wife was added to the list of the shunned because of her skepticism. So yeah there has been some strife on that score in our lives.

More recently I had a falling out with my sister who had become a Rush Limbaugh fan, tea bagger and then Trump supporter. Back when O'Bama was elected she phoned me to ask me how I liked my 'Obamacare' when the AHC act was passed and I told her it was great, more people paying their own way was fine with me. When Trump was elected she became even worse. Frankly while I made efforts to get together it was never easy.

She is a high school drop out, has had a hard life and carries a ton of resentment. When she said something about it being better to not stop by on one of her trips down our way I was frankly relieved. She stopped contacting me and I've been enjoying a more peaceful life. I'd make the effort if she wasn't so vile but I'm fine without her too.
 
Colleen said:
When I called her to let her know her brother had died, she immediately started yelling at me that I was an only child and had no idea what "family" was about and that I took her brother away from her and we "snuck" off to AZ without telling anyone. WHAT???
Click to expand...
Colleen said:
. My husband always said she has a screw loose.
Click to expand...
Your description of her behavior seems to confirm your husband’s belief. IMO, such people are best avoided. Stay off her radar.
 
MarkD said:
My wife's sisters were victims of recovered memories syndrome. Back when recovered memories was on all the talk shows she got a phone call from her middle sister that she'd recovered memories of sexual abuse by their father. I had been camping with my stepson but when I called her on our way back she gave me the news. Our first thought was it might be true because he was such an old world flirt with every waitress and I wondered how we could help him get through this. But when pressed for details she became evasive and my wife's parents were just bewildered.

We did some checking and discovered this organization and it gave everyone some perspective but it was hell on her parents who each died without any reconciliation with the middle daughter or the youngest who sided with her. My wife was added to the list of the shunned because of her skepticism. So yeah there has been some strife on that score in our lives.

More recently I had a falling out with my sister who had become a Rush Limbaugh fan, tea bagger and then Trump supporter. Back when O'Bama was elected she phoned me to ask me how I liked my 'Obamacare' when the AHC act was passed and I told her it was great, more people paying their own way was fine with me. When Trump was elected she became even worse. Frankly while I made efforts to get together it was never easy.

She is a high school drop out, has had a hard life and carries a ton of resentment. When she said something about it being better to not stop by on one of her trips down our way I was frankly relieved. She stopped contacting me and I've been enjoying a more peaceful life. I'd make the effort if she wasn't so vile but I'm fine without her too.
Click to expand...
Tea-bagger?... I had to look that up.... whaaat? :oops::oops::oops: teabagger - Wiktionary, the free dictionary
 
StarSong said:
I'm happy to say that a few weeks ago I reached out to the only family member with whom I was estranged. I figured if she shut me down I'd be no worse off, so I offered the olive branch with no apologies, explanations or rehashing necessary from either side. Just hoped we could bury the discord that arose from being brought up in a very dysfunctional family, and move forward.

She welcomed the opportunity to bury the hatchet, and we've been texting and reacquainting ourselves with each other's lives since that day. Moving that relationship from stressful to civil was the best I'd hoped for, but we're on track for something closer than that, and I welcome it.
Click to expand...
This is great!
 
hollydolly said:
Tea-bagger?... I had to look that up.... whaaat? :oops::oops::oops: teabagger - Wiktionary, the free dictionary
Click to expand...

Sorry, goes back to the Boston Tea Party in an early squabble between the states and the crown. But long before Trump some folks started the Tea Party to protest taxes and the deficit. Some wore hats with tea bags dangling from it. A good deal more tame than what you probably discovered was dangling in a tea bagger reference. ;)
 
I'm an only child. My mother and father have passed and all my aunts and uncles have passed as well. I'm basically estranged from all my cousins except one. We grew up together and spent lots of time together when she lived with mother a few years ago. (They were like mother and daughter.) We are polar opposites on the religion/politics scale but we still have enough in common to stay close. Her brother has nothing to do with me because he's religious and I'm gay.

I have one other cousin that I was close to when I was young. He is now a Baptist pastor in NC, so we have little in common. We did connect on LinkedIn and he sent me condolences when my mother passed.

My family is actually my partner's family. His brother, sister and her 4 kids. I'm closer to them than any of my blood relatives.
 
My son who will be 46 in about a week is being uncommunicative with me. It started a few years ago when he was injured and then went through a messy divorce. His life really changed after those events. He has never "remade" a natural relationship with me since. For the past few months he won't respond to text messages ( which is his preferred way of relating). I talked with his sister/ my daughter about him the other day. More bad news...a refrigerator fell on his leg/s. Nothing broke, but injured pretty bad.
I don't know if I should even text him Happy Birthday soon. Is it me not wanting to be ignored again? or will he think of me and want to begin talking again?
 
Paco Dennis said:
My son who will be 46 in about a week is being uncommunicative with me. It started a few years ago when he was injured and then went through a messy divorce. His life really changed after those events. He has never "remade" a natural relationship with me since. For the past few months he won't respond to text messages ( which is his preferred way of relating). I talked with his sister/ my daughter about him the other day. More bad news...a refrigerator fell on his leg/s. Nothing broke, but injured pretty bad.
I don't know if I should even text him Happy Birthday soon. Is it me not wanting to be ignored again? or will he think of me and want to begin talking again?
Click to expand...
My opinion - if you want this to heal, text him birthday wishes and continue to reach out. Several years ago someone dear to me was going through a rough patch and cut off everyone in the family. Rather than accepting that, I would text a photo now and then - things that reminded me of our childhood or I knew would be interesting to him. He rarely responded, but I kept it up. Eventually he started coming back to me with a line or two.

Every couple of months we have decent back-and-forth texts - my persistence paid off. My texts were a non-intrusive way to let him know he was valuable to me and I wasn't walking away.

It might work for you @Paco Dennis, it might not, but you have nothing to lose by trying.
 

Last edited:

Back
Top