Why isn't life fair, and how does one cope with that?

Why isn't life fair, and how does one cope with that?​


Never looked for fair

Thus, nothing with which to cope

Posted this around five years ago;

I just read a lengthy paragraph of a young lady seemingly on the edge.
In it, she said '.....because I deserve to be happy'

It’s a wonder more of today’s generation isn’t ODing on drugs if they all think this way.....

I don’t preach. Not my place.
But, I’ve been around awhile, and here’s what I know;
Happiness is attained by contentment
Contentment is attained by satisfaction
Satisfaction is attained by hard work...a job well done.

That’s all

Simple as that

There are no epiphanic moments where a fairy poings you with her wand and everything is all better

There is no deserving

There is earning

Nothing else

I’ve had to learn this the hard way, by default actually.
Never checked my happiness gauge, just looked for fun.
Had fun.
No regrets.
But fun by itself becomes quite empty.
Empty as a cavernous, bottomless ever hungry void.

Want ‘Happy’?

It’s yours

For the earning

(Wrote this before I became Christion
Some things have changed)
 

Murrmurr said:
@bobcat48

What would make life fair?

If by "fair" you mean equally advantageous for all, equally safe and secure, what do you think could make that happen?
Click to expand...
No, not at all. I just copied the post again rather than re-typing it, which explains what I meant by "fair".
For the record, I am not claiming that life should be fair, I'm just saying that many live with the innate sense that it should be.

The insightful Helen Keller once said “There is no such thing as security in life, it does not exist in nature. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing at all”.
Even so, we often live with some innate sense that life should be fair. Even the story of Job in the Old Testament shows that eventually he played the "Why me?" card. We've all been someone or known someone who was blindsided by the devastating blow of life’s wrecking ball, and perhaps even in a split second, their life was forever changed (Christopher Reeve, Lou Gherig, John and Bobby Kennedy, M. L. King).

After all, why should so many who least deserve it seem to lay golden eggs, and so many who try to play by the rules, end up buried by the avalanche of snow cascading off the roof that is supposed to protect them.

It seems that our brain is always trying to make sense of what happens in life, and if we don't know the reasons, then many feel that someone or something must have a plan. No one likes feeling vulnerable. So how does one survive in this unpredictable and seemingly uncaring universe. How can one have any secure level of existence where anxiety isn’t always knocking at the door of your mind to remind you of possible things that could go wrong with your perfect plan?
 
I never questioned why life isn't fair. I have always known since I was a child that life wasn't fair for a lot of people, and mainly me. Having a bad childhood that had both physical and verbal abuse by one parent, and the other (my father) dying 10 days before my 16th birthday.

I became aware that life wasn't fair and was rather bad at times. When I was 13, my favorite President was assassinated, and 5 years later, his brother a senator, was also killed. The same year, a famous civil rights leader was also murdered. All 3 men I looked up to and admired. I always wondered what this country would have been like if all 3 men were able to live out their entire lives.
 
I don’t think there’s karma or any grand plan. Some truly horrible people have everything turn out fine and the opposite happens. Life is random.

I am on another forum where many are in their 30’s, have good jobs and are starting their families. Not all but many are the biggest bunch of whiners about everything. You would think that having kids is the hardest job in the world.

Luckily I raised resilient kids who aren’t like this. If they ever meet real adversity they are in for a rough ride. Previous generations had much tougher lives than mine.
 
I agree. Times have changed big time though. We were not bombarded with media of every kind blaring at us all the time. We could find work easily. Our income was almost always enough to pay the bills and put away some each month in our savings. Housing, health care, food, etc...are more difficult to secure. These are not "bad" things happening to good people , it has become the norm in our cultures. I know I wouldn't want to go through the prime of my life now. I think we need to learn to thrive in different ways. If we continue to let it effect us emotionally we will have a difficult time.
 
I feel that one’s belief in Karma, that what goes around comes around, all those sayings are attempts to control the uncontrollable.

We have so little control over the unfortunate and unpredictable things that can happen to us…a devastating illness, a car crash, a real estate or stock market slump, a loved one passing away or leaving us..these things and countless more are outside of our control. Yet we seek to control them by taking care of our health, driving defensively or in a highly safety rated vehicle, researching extensively before investing etc.

We do our homework, live well, are careful, frugal, etc and yet still bad things still happen which leads us to believe life isn’t fair because look! We did everything right so WHY????

We attempt to control the uncontrollable by mitigating those awful things happening to us. We eat a healthy diet to lessen the chance we’ll be struck down by cancer or diabetes or heart attack or stroke. We drive defensively so as to mitigate the impact on us of other driver who doesn’t.

We control what we can. We believe we can control more than we actually do, but it gives us a sense of security. And then when that control is capriciously taken away by accident or illness or something else, we claim that life isn’t fair. No, it isn’t and that’s a fact. We can do everything right and STILL be dealt blow after blow.

My answer to all of that is full acceptance of that lack of control, not as a victim or with a “woe is me” attitude, but just as immutable fact. And that what I CAN control, absolutely, is my response to those things. I can turn chronically sullen, jaded, angry, hopeless..any number of negative emotions. Or I can accept what came my way with grace, and move on.

That’s what I aspire to do in any situation I find myself in, that I’m not happy with. That, and and whatever I CAN do so that the situation doesn’t repeat.
 
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