How Do You Deal with People Your Disagree With?

I wish I could say, I handle it gently and with elegant grace but I don’t. I pout, I sulk, sometimes growl and snarl. If all of those fail…, I break down and cry. Not in front of people. LMHO!😝
( somewhat exaggerated )

🥴 It’s not very effective so I am taking cognitive behaviour therapy so I can learn why I’m so angry and bitter. Not that I don’t know why but it will help me reframe my thinking and I’m very optimistic in having good results.

My therapist has a bachelors and a masters degree and is going for a doctorate degree.
I’m very impressed with this learning method and the things I’m being offered.

Luckily I ignore most people so I don’t have to deal with them

When I last went to a medical centre the receptionist made a loud obnoxious scene due to the fact that I didn’t have a family doctor.

What I really wanted to say would have made a bigger scene so I decided to just turn and walk away. The receptionist ran after me saying I didn’t give her enough time and asked me to go back in . I never went back.

I don’t like dealing with animosity or friction
 

Last edited:
CallMeKate said:
⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️ Yes, this. (y) These days say something someone doesn't like and they're "offended" (I'm talking about the "little things", not things that ARE offensive.) Give your honest personal opinion that doesn't agree with theirs and you're a narcissist (newest pathetic overused online buzz word.) What can ya do but roll your eyes? Bet Gramps would have rolled his, too! 🙄
Click to expand...

:D

Indeed. It's a trigger word, of which there are many on social Media. Throw in a little truth, mix in some trigger words, and the sky is green and the grass blue. I'm of the opinion that diagnosis from armchair physicians aren't worth thinking about.
 
The consequences seem more dire now. I think that is why people are becoming more upset. I can't really go into detail without coming too close to talking about politics, but IMHO that is what is driving the anger.

Consider........ our goverment recently released photos and admitted UFO's actually do exist. I think this was a "don't look at the man behind the curtain" ploy. Also consider what sort of reaction this would have engendered a decade ago and that now it barely made a ripple. People are concerned about the loss of our country and the health of our world and possible aliens didn't get much of a reaction.
 

DebraMae said:
The consequences seem more dire now. I think that is why people are becoming more upset. I can't really go into detail without coming too close to talking about politics, but IMHO that is what is driving the anger.

Consider........ our goverment recently released photos and admitted UFO's actually do exist. I think this was a "don't look at the man behind the curtain" ploy. Also consider what sort of reaction this would have engendered a decade ago and that now it barely made a ripple. People are concerned about the loss of our country and the health of our world and possible aliens didn't get much of a reaction.
Click to expand...

Shhhh. The US isn't going to radically change based on who wins the next election. Some surface stuff, that is not fundamental, will shuffle about. Guns will never be banned in the US. Neither party is campaigning for a ban, or to stop people having the right to own them. The US will never be socialist, or communist, and neither party is campaigning for that either. Any law passed today can, through campaigns over time, be reversed. Little is truly so important. It's mostly nonsense to get others to agitate and get angry about.

People who are scared, are more easily controlled. Fear of "other" is simply the lowest hanging fruit.
 
DebraMae said:
The consequences seem more dire now. I think that is why people are becoming more upset. I can't really go into detail without coming too close to talking about politics, but IMHO that is what is driving the anger.

Consider........ our goverment recently released photos and admitted UFO's actually do exist. I think this was a "don't look at the man behind the curtain" ploy. Also consider what sort of reaction this would have engendered a decade ago and that now it barely made a ripple. People are concerned about the loss of our country and the health of our world and possible aliens didn't get much of a reaction.
Click to expand...

As a believer in aliens from another world, I don't understand what effect admission they exist would truly have. My belief is based on probability (math), I have no evidence. I'd be excited to be proven wrong, and to find they've visited, with more hope for life. But the expectation seems to be people running in the streets half crazy.
 
PeppermintPatty said:
I wish I could say, I handle it gently and with elegant grace but I don’t. I pout, I sulk, sometimes growl and snarl. If all of those fail…, I break down and cry. LMHO!😝

🥴 It’s not very effective so I am taking cognitive behaviour therapy so I can learn why I’m so angry and bitter. Not that I don’t know why but it will help me reframe my thinking and I’m very optimistic in having good results.

My therapist has a bachelors and a masters degree and is going for a doctorate degree.
I’m very impressed with this learning method and the things I’m being offered.

Luckily I ignore most people so I don’t have to deal with them

When I last went to a medical centre the receptionist made a loud obnoxious scene due to the fact that I didn’t have a family doctor.

What I really wanted to say would have made a bigger scene so I decided to just turn and walk away. The receptionist ran after me saying I didn’t give her enough time and asked me to go back in . I never went back.

I don’t like dealing with animosity or friction
Click to expand...
I used to relish confrontations. I practically invited them. I baited people who I thought were just looking for a fight, you know? And I actually thought this was fun....for me, I mean. Although, I have come across like-minded men, some who quite enjoyed beating the crap outta me.

But, yeah, it's not a good way to live, having a chip on your shoulder, looking for people who need you to knock the chip off theirs. Takes a lot of energy. And it's not a good look. But it's what my dad taught me...I guess. I mean, he taught me to stand up for myself, defend what's right and all that, but I took it way too far.

And that's just because I could. I won a lot more fights than I lost. But the thing is, these were actual physical fights, and those don't resolve disagreements. They're something else entirely.

But anyway, I got tired of it, so I went looking for a different way. I found it in philosophy...like, ancient philosophy. Taoism, Stoicism, Applied Ethics, and all those. And it worked. It changed my thinking and my approach to problems and how I judge and treat people.

Takes a lot to get me mad now. And it's usually little things, like a tool or small appliance not cooperating or whatever. It's almost never people. Even if I judge them as selfish or ignorant or even criminal, I don't get mad at them. I get mad at what made them that way, but that's usually fleeting because there's nothing I can do about that except maybe try to change their thinking.
 
Murrmurr said:
I used to relish confrontations. I practically invited them. I baited people who I thought were just looking for a fight, you know? And I actually thought this was fun....for me, I mean. Although, I have come across like-minded men, some who quite enjoyed beating the crap outta me.

But, yeah, it's not a good way to live, having a chip on your shoulder, looking for people who need you to knock the chip off theirs. Takes a lot of energy. And it's not a good look. But it's what my dad taught me...I guess. I mean, he taught me to stand up for myself, defend what's right and all that, but I took it way too far.

And that's just because I could. I won a lot more fights than I lost. But the thing is, these were actual physical fights, and those don't resolve disagreements. They're something else entirely.

But anyway, I got tired of it, so I went looking for a different way. I found it in philosophy...like, ancient philosophy. Taoism, Stoicism, Applied Ethics, and all those. And it worked. It changed my thinking and my approach to problems and how I judge and treat people.

Takes a lot to get me mad now. And it's usually little things, like a tool or small appliance not cooperating or whatever. It's almost never people. Even if I judge them as selfish or ignorant or even criminal, I don't get mad at them. I get mad at what made them that way, but that's usually fleeting because there's nothing I can do about that except maybe try to change their thinking.
Click to expand...
Murrmurr said:
I used to relish confrontations. I practically invited them. I baited people who I thought were just looking for a fight, you know? And I actually thought this was fun....for me, I mean. Although, I have come across like-minded men, some who quite enjoyed beating the crap outta me.

But, yeah, it's not a good way to live, having a chip on your shoulder, looking for people who need you to knock the chip off theirs. Takes a lot of energy. And it's not a good look. But it's what my dad taught me...I guess. I mean, he taught me to stand up for myself, defend what's right and all that, but I took it way too far.

And that's just because I could. I won a lot more fights than I lost. But the thing is, these were actual physical fights, and those don't resolve disagreements. They're something else entirely.

But anyway, I got tired of it, so I went looking for a different way. I found it in philosophy...like, ancient philosophy. Taoism, Stoicism, Applied Ethics, and all those. And it worked. It changed my thinking and my approach to problems and how I judge and treat people.

Takes a lot to get me mad now. And it's usually little things, like a tool or small appliance not cooperating or whatever. It's almost never people. Even if I judge them as selfish or ignorant or even criminal, I don't get mad at them. I get mad at what made them that way, but that's usually fleeting because there's nothing I can do about that except maybe try to change their thinking.
Click to expand...
I didn’t actively go out searching for a fight since I didn’t really like conflict but when the internet started up, I found myself sucked into the drama and before I knew it, I was involved.

Of course hindsight is always better than foresight but it took me YEARS to understand what was going on. Large chunks of time missing, amnesia like symptoms and at the core pure RAGE!!

I’ve still got a huge amount of rage but the prescribed drugs work good to subdue that while I work my way through it.

I’ve not got physically violent with others but have told a few people to ‘duck off,’ and then just burned bridges cause that was the easiest route.

I chose street drugs that made some of my symptoms worse instead of trusting medical staff. It’s taken me about 45 years to realize that a small amount of the right medication can actually stop repeated negative thought patterns ( ocd) allowing me to focus.

Before I watched tv or movies as a distraction. I wondered why I could sit no longer read a book properly. It turns out that my mind is normally racing so many negative thoughts that I can’t focus on reading. I’ll end up reading the same page 5 times.

I’m quite chill now but a month or more ago I was tearing off wall paper. Not literally.
Even if the best therapist tried to help me, I was spinning too fast to be helped. It was gawd awful. I was in such a dark place and it was so scary.

I’m not at all pleased with how these meds were introduced into my system. It should be illegal but I’m glad to have them. They REALLY help a lot.

I’m planning on staying in cognitive therapy for as long as I can. My insurance covers most of this and my Canadian health insurance covers the rest.

I’m actually very impressed with the resources that have been offered at no expense to me.
Finding the right help literally saves lives.
 
PeppermintPatty said:
I’m planning on staying in cognitive therapy for as long as I can. My insurance covers most of this and my Canadian health insurance covers the rest.

I’m actually very impressed with the resources that have been offered at no expense to me.
Finding the right help literally saves lives.
Click to expand...
That sounds like a really good idea. I'd have probly got a lot better (calmer) a lot quicker if I'd sought some type of psych therapy, but I'm in a really good place now.

I sort of do self-therapy. Every day I do certain physical exercises, I do my tea ritual a few times a day, and I meditate at least a few times a week. All that keeps me mentally fit, or at least on an even keel.

Honestly, though, my best therapy is loving someone.
 
VaughanJB said:
So my question is simply - how do you deal with people you disagree with?
Click to expand...

What's the disagreement about? Is it something trivial or something important that really matters, that would affect our lives and come between us on a daily basis?

I'm certainly willing to listen to someone else's opinions. I can agree to disagree with a friend on certain things when we're mostly in agreement with what matters most. I have opposing political views with one friend in particular. She just can't discuss politics without a lot of anger, name-calling, and mud-slinging. After one of her many tirades, I told her that we could talk about other things, but from now on, politics was off the table.

Along with politics is the ongoing, endless discussion, debate, and battle about vaccines. I've made a few comments, but the drum banging from both sides never stops. I no longer feel the impulse to comment on either subject. I've had enough.

No matter who it is in person or via the internet, or what the topic is that we're discussing, if we're disagreeing and someone starts to get ugly, I'll bow out. I don't need the aggravation. I've lived long enough to realize I can't change anyone's mind about anything. Only they can change their minds.
 
Bella said:
No matter who it is in person or via the internet, or what the topic is that we're discussing, if we're disagreeing and someone starts to get ugly, I'll bow out. I don't need the aggravation. I've lived long enough to realize I can't change anyone's mind about anything. Only they can change their minds.
Click to expand...
Every now and then something that I truly find angering and it makes me say more than I usually would. For me there’s no point in participating actively in an endless discussion, or lack thereof. I have other things to stress about.
 

You must log in or register to reply here.

Back
Top