Not that anyone is asking

Pepper said:
They're all adorable and they are all coughing & sneezing!
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They'll get over it....the coughing and sneezing, I mean.

I went from 1st grade all the way to 3rd grade with this portly little kid named Grady who always, always had a thick stream of snot hanging out of his nose. And I hate to gross you out, but it was green, and that says infection, either in his sinuses or his lungs.

And I suppose some kids missed a day of school here and there because of infectious Grady, but most of us didn't. We just sniffled in class for a couple days or so, I guess.

But anyway, not only did Grady's 3+yr infection finally clear up, by 5th grade, he'd shot up to 6ft tall, thinned out, got muscles, and grew a freaking mustache. That dude went on to become captain of the football team in high school and had every girl who didn't know him back in primary school fawning all over him.
 

hollydolly said:
wow you're too kind.. you're acting as tho' you were her dad.. not her brother, bless you.. but she's got no respect for you.. that's now become clear.

. ..is there a reason none of the rest of her family will take her in ?... I think I can guess at that
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My brothers barely speak to her. She has a long history of drug abuse and hurting people, ruining parties and special days, being found passed-out naked in stranger's front yards, lying, stealing, manipulating.

But about 10 years ago, she checked into rehab, and -until now- I was certain she finally got clean. She got a job selling solar panels to homeowners 6 years ago, and she's been with her current job for over 2 years, selling fine jewelry at Macy's in a popular shopping mall.

I'm 18 years older than her, so I guess I've always been more of a second-dad to her than a brother. She started coming to stay weekends with me and my first wife when she was 3 and our oldest son was starting to walk and the youngest one was starting to crawl. When she was 8, 9, and 10, she spent snowy Christmases with me and my kids at my cabin in No-Cal. She was a teenager when me and my kids lived in Colorado, and she flew out to spend her summers with us.

I know I come across on SF as kindly, but the kind of language I usually use isn't allowed here. And I am a gentler person than I was 5 or so years ago, when I had a ....eh, an explosive personality, shall we say?...but I've worked on it.

Well, that work started when I became a father, really. Because I remember what it was like having a father with "an explosive personality" and being at the receiving end of it.

Crap. I forgot where I was going with this.

Maybe I was trying to get to this... Bonnie doesn't know how to appreciate people and things. Our parents spoiled her and never made her work for anything. She was their late-in-life baby, a girl, finally, and she was cute as a button and absolutely adorable. And drugs probably eradicated any shreds of humility and humanity she had.

That was part of it, anyway.
 
Della said:
Why don't courts pay attention when a "parent" is ready to cut a child off from a person who loves him? This happens in divorce cases so often. The custodial parent will decide the child can't see certain grandparents anymore. Shouldn't that be a red flag to the powers that be, that the child's needs are not coming first?

At least Paxton is going to school now and that can be a truly happy period out of every day for a child, no matter what's going on at home.
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Plus, the couple who fostered Pax and the twins just before Brandon & Megan, who hoped to adopt them but couldn't, they still babysit Paxton and the twins. And they've told Paxton to always tell his teacher if something bad or weird happens at home: If Brandon hits him (or the twins), if he yells at him, calls him names, touches him or punishes him in wrong ways....all that kind of stuff.

Yeah, CPS and Family Court habitually mess kids up. People who understand this have tried for decades to change some of the laws, but with no significant success. I have no doubt that's because money is involved. The pertinent laws are to protect CPS and Family Court funding, not kids.
 

Frank...honestly.. regardless of how you express yourself verbally away from this forum or how tough you've been in your life.. .. you are a very kind man, you can't hide that

I'm reading this about your sister.. and it's like reading my own experience with my baby sister too.. I gave all the similar excuses. When my mother died she was just 10 years old..I felt responsibility for her being I was the eldest.. and even for the other in between in a way as well.. I put up with all her nonsense (which you read about some of it the other day on here)...

...time after time, long after everyone else had , had their fill of it.. and had no more to do with her.. just like your brothers... but I kept thinking of that little girl.. still that little soul motherless at just 10... and a father who couldn't give a crap... and she lied, and manipulated many times, and many times I gave her another chance..


.....and the more chances she got the more she used me as her own personal doormat ...'till enough was enough and someone else not related saw what was happening.. and literally physically threw her out of my house.. simply because I was clearly on a never ending turntable with her.. she was well into her 20's by then.. she's 62 now... and I believe your sister is much older than that... so you can't continue to coddle a middle aged woman who has no intention of taking control of her own life, and leading you up the garden path with lies at the same time...

You'll do what you want to do I know that..but really.. you're a man suffering from physical problems and serious pain issues and you and Michelle just need to live the rest of your lives in peace, without a middle aged stone around your necks
 
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God, this sounds all too familiar. Just like what I've put up w/from my older sister.
I'm her target, cause I've always put up with it. She doesn't dare try her bs w/my brother, he's already kicked her out of his house once.

It all came to a halt now going on 4-5 yrs. I've finally had enough.
She's still trying to weasel her way back in to my life though..not happening.

p.s. she's an addict...a very sophisticated, charming one. lol
 
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hollydolly said:
Frank...honestly.. regardless of how you express yourself verbally away from this forum or how tough you've been in your life.. .. you're are a very kind man, you can't hide that

I'm reading this about your sister.. and it's like reading my own experience with my baby sister too.. I gave all the similar excuses. When my mother died she was just 10 years old..I felt responsibility for her being I was the eldest.. and even for the other in between in a way as well.. I put up with all her nonsense (which you read about some of it the other day on here)...

...time after time, long after everyone else had , had their fill of it.. and had no more to do with her.. just like your brothers... but I kept thinking of that little girl.. still that little soul motherless at just 10... and a father who couldn't give a crap... and she lied, and manipulated many times, and many times I gave her another chance..


.....and the more chances she got the more she used me as her own personal doormat ...'till enough was enough and someone else not related saw what was happening.. and literally physically threw her out of my house.. simply because I was clearly on a never ending turntable with her.. she was well into her 20's by then.. she's 62 now... and I believe your sister is much older than that... so you can't continue to coddle a middle aged woman who has no intention of taking control of her own life, and leading you up the garden path with lies at the same time...

You'll do what you want to do I know that..but really.. you're a man suffering from physical problems and serious pain issues and you and Michelle just need to live the rest of your lives in peace, without a middle aged stone around your necks
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I was also a brother who had nothing to do with Bonnie while she was actively addicted to meth. While I was taking care of our parents, I literally threw her out of their house several times. I took her 12yr-old son away from her because he was going hungry. He lived with me and my kids til he was 17, when he found his father and moved in with him (a good hard-working man).

From the mid 1990s until around 2015, I stayed away from Bonnie and she stayed away from me.

In 2015 or 16, she started coming to visit me at my apartment once in a while. This was a few years after she finished rehab. She had a job and she'd been living in our parent's house for a year or so - dad was dead and mom was in a nursing home - but she'd finally found a nice little house to rent and moved into it. She'd reconnected with her son, she'd even bought herself a car. And she'd gained weight! She'd lost most of her teeth and a lot of her hair, but she looked good compared to before rehab.

We gradually saw more of each other. She invited me to her house for dinner a few times, and I started taking her out to lunch once a month, and then every other week, and then every Sunday. Then she started insisting I go to her house for Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner, and I did a few times. I invited her up to my cabin for Christmas dinner once, and she accepted. And it was nice. My sons and their families were there, and we taught Bonnie how to snow-ski. She was horrible at it, but it was fun.

So, we've stayed in touch like that ever since about 2015/16. And late last year some people bought the house she was renting, and evicted her so they could move their mother in, which is legal. She had nowhere to go. She had few friends, all of them married, and she couldn't move in with her boyfriend....I don't remember why. Roommates, I think.

So at like the 11th-hour (as we say), I told her she could move in with us. We have the space, and I'd discussed it with Michelle, and we all agreed it would be temporary...just until she got another place. And she's annoying as hell (imo) but we've all gotten along ok.

No major problems until now.
 
Early this morning I showed Bonnie that pipe I found. Her first impulse was anger....I guess that's Murr DNA, idk. So she had this little sort of tantrum, and then she denied knowing anything about it and how it wrapped itself in one of her bath towels and threw itself into her laundry hamper....

and we didn't get past there. She still has "no idea" how that pipe got so freaking intelligent and acrobatic. But she is going to step up her search for a rental.

She's off work tomorrow and I'm going to take her to some property management places to get some rental listings and grab a bunch of applications. Then we'll go to the low-income housing office to make sure the apps she submitted to them were actually submitted, and grab all the apps for all their newly opened complexes.

I told her she has til Nov 15th to move out. I'll give her a reprieve over the holidays, but I didn't tell her that, of course....but you can't find rentals over the holidays, that's just how it is. It's gonna be hard enough with her effed-up credit history.

In any case, on Jan 5, she's outta here whether she's found a place or not. She thinks the deadline is Nov 15th, so she's pretty motivated.

We also talked about re-doing rehab. I'm making a list of local out-patient clinics. Just took a break from that and I already have 4 on the list. Those are ones that will accept her insurance. And she won't lose her job over it. She says she doesn't believe me about that, so I'm looking up the applicable laws.

But she believes me. She just wants to pretend she doesn't. :rolleyes:
 
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hearlady said:
Hope it all works out for everyone but I've a feeling they'll be a bumpy ride.
Why do I feel skeptical? Do you @Murrmurr ?
That's just my nature I guess.
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Pepper said:
I believe Jackie has had her own experiences.
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Pinky said:
Paxton's grandmother seems to be a savvy woman. I'm assuming she has been filled in on your sister's drug use.
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Jackie's parents lived next door to my parents, and Jackie's a few years older than Bonnie, but they sort of grew up together.

Bonnie used to babysit Jackie's daughter, Tara (Paxton's mother).

When Jackie's parents died, she still lived in their house but she had to sell it, and now she's renting it from the new owner. That whole thing got messy, but Bonnie helped Jackie with the court filings and it ended well.

Jackie and Bonnie did drugs together for ...well, I don't know how long. A lot of years. Then Jackie went to rehab and got clean, and then she helped Bonnie get clean.

I am worried Bonnie will cause Jackie to relapse, but there's probly a better chance that Jackie will help Bonnie get back on track. She said she would. (I called her yesterday)

@hearlady - I agree it could be a bumpy ride. But I can't let myself worry about that all the time. I talked to Jackie for quite a while last night and she sounded strong, like strong enough to resist and help instead of crumbling and partying. But based on my experience, it could go either way.
 
Murrmurr said:
Jackie's parents lived next door to my parents, and Jackie's a few years older than Bonnie, but they sort of grew up together.

Bonnie used to babysit Jackie's daughter, Tara (Paxton's mother).

When Jackie's parents died, she still lived in their house but she had to sell it, and now she's renting it from the new owner. That whole thing got messy, but Bonnie helped Jackie with the court filings and it ended well.

Jackie and Bonnie did drugs together for ...well, I don't know how long. A lot of years. Then Jackie went to rehab and got clean, and then she helped Bonnie get clean.

I am worried Bonnie will cause Jackie to relapse, but there's probly a better chance that Jackie will help Bonnie get back on track. She said she would. (I called her yesterday)

@hearlady - I agree it could be a bumpy ride. But I can't let myself worry about that all the time. I talked to Jackie for quite a while last night and she sounded strong, like strong enough to resist and help instead of crumbling and partying. But based on my experience, it could go either way.
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Aaaaaah .. :(
 
Murrmurr said:
Jackie's parents lived next door to my parents, and Jackie's a few years older than Bonnie, but they sort of grew up together.

Bonnie used to babysit Jackie's daughter, Tara (Paxton's mother).

When Jackie's parents died, she still lived in their house but she had to sell it, and now she's renting it from the new owner. That whole thing got messy, but Bonnie helped Jackie with the court filings and it ended well.

Jackie and Bonnie did drugs together for ...well, I don't know how long. A lot of years. Then Jackie went to rehab and got clean, and then she helped Bonnie get clean.

I am worried Bonnie will cause Jackie to relapse, but there's probly a better chance that Jackie will help Bonnie get back on track. She said she would. (I called her yesterday)

@hearlady - I agree it could be a bumpy ride. But I can't let myself worry about that all the time. I talked to Jackie for quite a while last night and she sounded strong, like strong enough to resist and help instead of crumbling and partying. But based on my experience, it could go either way.
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I wish all of you the best. Let's be optimistic that all good comes out of the change for everybody! 🌻
 
I haven't slept well at all since Paxton's adopting father-to-be cut off our visits back in August. I worry about him All The Time. I know he's crushed over not seeing me and I'm sure anger and sadness and distrust are growing in his heart.

This is horrible for Paxton, and it's not good for Brandon, either. You know, you read these stories about adopted children murdering their adoptive parents years later, when they hit their teens and their hormones are in high gear but their brains aren't fully developed yet, and their life is suddenly really complicated but no one's taught them healthy ways to cope, and all the anger and sadness they've been suppressing for years suddenly explodes.



Paxton was formally interviewed 5 times by 8 different CPS people before his 4th birthday. In those interviews he has said: my mommy is mean to me; my mom hits my head; mom threw me at my bed; dad pushed me to the wall; I miss Uncle Frank; I want to live with Uncle Frank; Uncle Frank didn't do it; can you take me home to Uncle Frank?

No one listened. No one did anything for nearly a year. Then he got passed around for a while, not because of the abuse, but because his mom failed her monthly drug test for a 3rd time.

Sometimes that $2 bottle of Herba-Clenz DeTox just doesn't do the job.

Anyway. There's an adoption hearing in January. I sent a letter to the judge last week. It was void of any direct criticism or complaints, but at the same time I was very specific about my concerns and how I can be helpful. I gave a bunch of background info and talked about our bond and the changes I see in Paxton that aren't good, and I asked her to consider allowing my relationship with Paxton to get restarted, and continue, and how that would benefit him, help him cope with the changes and regain his confidence and trust and sense of security.

I also sent a text to Brandon, and I got a fairly positive response. It started out : "Thank you for this message. I may agree to visits as we are learning new things about Paxton and the twins every day, and we have questions. Paxton mentions you frequently. The bond between you and him is very apparent...."

Brandon said he'd be in touch, and then he sent me a short video of Paxton holding up a book I gave him, and saying "I love you Unco Fwank!"

Paxton's body language was kind of hard to watch. You could clearly see how hard he worked at containing his emotions. And he kept looking over at Brandon. And I recognized Paxton's smile....I've seen it before; a smile he forces so that he won't cry.

I hope Brandon told him we'll be seeing each other sometime soon.
 
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Murrmurr said:
I haven't slept well at all since Paxton's adopting father-to-be cut off our visits back in August. I worry about him All The Time. I know he's crushed over not seeing me and I'm sure anger and sadness and distrust, are growing in his heart.

This is horrible for Paxton, and it's not good for Brandon, either. You know, you read these stories about adopted children murdering their adoptive parents years later, when they hit their teens and their hormones are in high gear but their brains aren't fully developed yet, and their life is suddenly really complicated but no one's taught them healthy ways to cope, and all the anger and sadness they've been suppressing for years suddenly explodes.



Paxton was formally interviewed 5 times by 8 different CPS people before his 4th birthday. In those interviews he has said: my mommy is mean to me; my mom hits my head; mom threw me at my bed; dad pushed me to the wall; I miss Uncle Frank; I want to live with Uncle Frank; Uncle Frank didn't do it; can you take me home to Uncle Frank?

No one listened. No one did anything for nearly a year. Then he got passed around for a while, not because of the abuse, but because his mom failed her monthly drug test for a 3rd time.

Sometimes that $2 bottle of Herba-Clenz DeTox just doesn't do the job.

Anyway. There's an adoption hearing in January. I sent a letter to the judge last week. It was void of any direct criticism or complaints, but at the same time I was very specific about my concerns and how I can be helpful. I gave a bunch of background info and talked about our bond and the changes I see in Paxton that aren't good, and I asked her to consider allowing my relationship with Paxton to get restarted, and continue, and how that would benefit him, help him cope with the changes and regain his confidence and trust and sense of security.

I also sent a text to Brandon, and I got a fairly positive response. It started out : "Thank you for this message. I may agree to visits as we are learning new things about Paxton and the twins every day, and we have questions. Paxton mentions you frequently. The bond between you and him is very apparent...."

Brandon said he'd be in touch, and then he sent me a short video of Paxton holding up a book I gave him, and saying "I love you Unco Fwank!"

Paxton's body language was kind of hard to watch. You could clearly see how hard he worked at containing his emotions. And he kept looking over at Brandon. And I recognized Paxton's smile....I've seen it before; a smile he forces so that he won't cry.

I hope Brandon told him we'll be seeing each other sometime soon.
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The good thing is that Brandon is keeping the door open to you and Paxton. I liked that he sent you the video. That is good.
 
I hope that Brandon is sincere in saying that you can see Paxton, and that it happens in the very near future.

When I read what you wrote, my eyes filled with tears. I wish with all my heart, that things will right themselves, and be as they should be.
 
Jules said:
Everything that poor little fellow has gone through since that *itch took him away from you when he was one breaks my heart. Glad that Brandon is being more receptive.
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Actually, Jules, he was nearly 3 when family court gave his mom custody. He wasn't even a month old when he came to live with me, and the court "reunited" him with that biotch against his caseworker's recommendation.

Reunited in quotes because he never lived with his mother until then. He tested positive for meth when he was born, and CPS took him to a receiving home right away. That's where I got him from.
 
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The guy, Brandon, may be discovering that you can't just erase the past and wipe the slate clean. Don't mean to interfere but I have followed your story on and off and I feel for you and the dear child. You have my respect and sympathy.
 

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