I miss love today

Grampa Don said:
I don’t know why I’m sharing this. I’m feeling blue this morning. It’s not the weather. The air is crisp but the sun is shining. I’m just feeling very alone. I miss love. I love my boys, my daughter in law, and my granddaughter. But, it’s not the same.

I feel like I’m back as an awkward introvert teenage boy wishing I had someone’s hand to hold who would give me affection and accept mine. Then I found someone and we spent our life together. Now she’s gone. It’s been a little over a year, but it still hurts.

She was my rock. We had some spats, but she was always there for me. We took care of each other. I worried about her and she worried about me. I watched her health deteriorate and worried more.

I know I’m very lucky. I have a comfortable home and enough money to pay the bills. And my sons give me lots of support. And, I know that I am far from being alone. Millions of people have been through this. Maybe you have. But, damn I miss her.
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I know exactly how you are feeling Grampa Don. My sons are always worrying about me and think I should be mixing more with other people, but it's not the same as having your loved one nearby. He's been gone now since 2009 , I feel it more around birthdays and Christmas. :(
 

oscash said:
I know exactly how you are feeling Grampa Don. My sons are always worrying about me and think I should be mixing more with other people, but it's not the same as having your loved one nearby. He's been gone now since 2009 , I feel it more around birthdays and Christmas. :(
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Until you've lost someone, it's hard to help others see the difficulty in "getting out".
 
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fancicoffee13 said:
The last time I missed love and found some, it turned out disastrous! Ended in divorce. It makes me VERY skeptical because I didn't find out till a year and a half later.
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Your experience is sad and that’s why I think having a partner would be fun as long as you don’t live together. I am done compromising and taking care of someone except for the dogs.
 
I feel like I've now been around the block enough times to realize that we aren't all lucky enough to have someone by our side until the end. Nothing is certain in life and as sad as it sounds, for many of us people are just going to come in and then out of our lives.

"Taking care of each other" can have different meanings though. One might be scary, especially if things turn one-sided asking too much of one partner. The other great, a partner to face the world with and backstop each others limitations with our strengths.

I'd be the last one to trumpet that I'm not set in my ways. But isn't that where "compatibility" comes in?
 
Saw this thread title. I must admit, I'm a little preoccupied with this at the moment. I truly miss the intimacy a couple share in every way. Not to mention the thought that it's never going to be again. It's a tough road to go down, constantly looking in the rear mirror.
 
VaughanJB said:
Saw this thread title. I must admit, I'm a little preoccupied with this at the moment. I truly miss the intimacy a couple share in every way. Not to mention the thought that it's never going to be again. It's a tough road to go down, constantly looking in the rear mirror.
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I like having friends, and sometimes you can still have the love and relationship. I knew a couple that loved each other so much, but he lived in a separate house across from hers. They did everything, she cooked for him and he mowed her lawn and lots more. Her kids didn't want them to marry. Otherwise they still maintained a relationship anyway.
 
I got through Thanksgiving and Christmas by helping others and staying busy, Now that everything has slowed down I realize that I am depressed. I never fully processed the grief of the last few years. I lost my only child, my sister who was my last sibling and a big part of my life, my good friend who was always up for lunch or a movie and my 15 year old cat. My husband has been gone for 22 years. There are no grandchildren. I guess it's time for some therapy but I am hesitant.
 
Alizerine said:
I got through Thanksgiving and Christmas by helping others and staying busy, Now that everything has slowed down I realize that I am depressed. I never fully processed the grief of the last few years. I lost my only child, my sister who was my last sibling and a big part of my life, my good friend who was always up for lunch or a movie and my 15 year old cat. My husband has been gone for 22 years. There are no grandchildren. I guess it's time for some therapy but I am hesitant.
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Sorry to hear all that. That's a lot of loss. If I knew how to get passed such things, I'd tell you, but alas I'm a mere mortal who struggles too. I hope you find peace soon.
 
Alizerine said:
I got through Thanksgiving and Christmas by helping others and staying busy, Now that everything has slowed down I realize that I am depressed. I never fully processed the grief of the last few years. I lost my only child, my sister who was my last sibling and a big part of my life, my good friend who was always up for lunch or a movie and my 15 year old cat. My husband has been gone for 22 years. There are no grandchildren. I guess it's time for some therapy but I am hesitant.
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A few years back I was having some medical issues and at one point my health insurance (pre-Medicare) told me to address my depression or they'd send somebody every month. Basically for a sanity check, make sure I was taking care of myself, yadda yadda. Short visits but invasive.

One of my sons was about 75 miles away but after nudging him... he and his wife started to come and take me to a movie, out for dinner, etc. 1 or 2 times a month. That helped a lot, but I think the guilt helped me find the strength to handle things myself. They stopped dragging me out and they even moved closer by then, just 30 miles away. Just as well though, because before long we had the Covid crap come along.

After that I had panic attack issues, which I'd learned to cope with though they left me under a dark cloud. I'm happy to say that too has been overcome and I credit the SF community for a lot of that success.

But blah blah, long story...

I wonder if there might be some sort of program that offers people a sort of "surrogate" adult child or grandchild? Someone to interact with and care about, kind of like a "Reverse Big Brothers" program for seniors? Even if mostly via emails, phone & text, or video chats?

Barring that, I think many people find that churches and such can fill such a role for people. One I found here that is very welcoming helped me some. I got up the gumption to walk in on a few Sundays, and they livestream Sunday services and post YouTube videos covering their events. Their web site posts newsletters and an events calendar. If I were more active there they do have those events I could take part in: Red Cross blood drives, ski trips, knitters & crocheters, men's breakfasts, book club, Pastor's drop-in hours, etc.

I'm not religious, but I have enough background to appreciate and respect theirs. I spoke with the Pastor and she was glad to welcome anyone with an open spirit.

So, just my ramble.
 
Thank you so much for your input. I will keep an open mind concerning opportunities out there.

I belonged to a church for decades and it was a great source for community. I, too am not religious. With attendance being down in all the local churches there was a merger a year or so ago. The other church moved in with us after many meetings on finance an strategy. Our delightful minister was moved to another town (the higher-ups make these decisions) and the other church brought their minister. Well it turned out to be much more of a takeover than a merger. The new minister has done everything possible to rid the church of any of our people. She is self-centered enough not to realize what good people and pillars of the community she has lost. The name has been changed.

A very devout friend has hung on and she still runs the monthly senior luncheon and her husband is a deacon who volunteers tirelessly to keep the place running. But they are excluded from important meetings. She also runs the food ministry which was almost scrapped.

I am thinking of maybe getting a sketch group together. I need to clean up my "studio" which has been a dumping place in recent years for odds and ends. Just saying that makes me feel a bit more positive. Thank you so much, Dilettante!
 
Alizerine said:
I am thinking of maybe getting a sketch group together. I need to clean up my "studio" which has been a dumping place in recent years for odds and ends. Just saying that makes me feel a bit more positive. Thank you so much, Dilettante!
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That sounds pretty good. Similar interests are an obvious route to take.

I'm so glad I could help, if only just a little bit. Happier trails, @Alizerine 🤗 let us know how things proceed.
 
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Alizerine said:
I got through Thanksgiving and Christmas by helping others and staying busy, Now that everything has slowed down I realize that I am depressed. I never fully processed the grief of the last few years. I lost my only child, my sister who was my last sibling and a big part of my life, my good friend who was always up for lunch or a movie and my 15 year old cat. My husband has been gone for 22 years. There are no grandchildren. I guess it's time for some therapy but I am hesitant.
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You can go to look into mental health, not saying you need that. But, I have gone through a lot this year and didn't know what to think or what to do about it. Some was grief over lost ones and others was something I didn't know how to deal with it. So, I looked up mental health therapy. It was so helpful! My insurance covered it and it helped so much. Also, grief counseling/therapy is very helpful, just don't try to handle it alone. Talk to someone, and be open and honest. I chose professionals that know what they are doing. I hope this helps.
 
Alizerine said:
I got through Thanksgiving and Christmas by helping others and staying busy, Now that everything has slowed down I realize that I am depressed. I never fully processed the grief of the last few years. I lost my only child, my sister who was my last sibling and a big part of my life, my good friend who was always up for lunch or a movie and my 15 year old cat. My husband has been gone for 22 years. There are no grandchildren. I guess it's time for some therapy but I am hesitant.
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This past year I lost a niece, brother, went through a divorce and one other relative is vacating the family for a couple of years. Lots of grief and loss this year also. I choose to talk to a professional because I don't know, myself, what to do. I got help and am doing fine, much better than before. The losses are still hard to deal with, I also get busy doing a hobby, playing cards or dominoes. I am hoping you are doing better.
 
Thank you. I had therapy years ago when I was in my thirties and confused about direction. It was helpful. I took some classes, ate better and got more exercise. That never hurts. I will certainly consider consulting a professional. I have two doctor's appointments this week. Then I will do some research. I really appreciate your comments and I wish you the best. Keep me posted.
 

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