The Pros and Cons of Marrying Later in Life

dilettante

dilettante

Well-known Member
Location
Michigan
I haven't seen a thread on this one yet. Perhaps I just didn't see it?

The Pros and Cons of Marrying Later in Life - Senior Care Lifestyles
The heart wants what it wants, and our hearts don’t lose their capacity to love as they age. However, if you find love later in life, it’s important to consider all of the financial benefits and downsides of tying the knot. When there are children and grandchildren, multiple properties and ex-spouses involved, things can rapidly get complicated.

* The Benefits of Marrying Later in Life
* The Downsides of Marrying Later in Life
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This can be a scary topic. Many single seniors don't want any part of it, especially once they've passed a certain age. We have people here from 50 to well over 90. That's quite a big span, and over it there might be quite a difference in willingness to even conceive of such a thing.

Obviously it would be all about the right person. And a lot of the factors mentioned in the short article would weigh into a decision to entertain such a notion. Not to mention the realities of each person's personal history and situation.

It clearly happens though. I just have no idea how often.

How many singles here have ever thought about it, even casually? Would you share some of the reasons you considered?
 

By the time you reach fifty and have never married you realize that the need to do so is long past. By that time you've either learned other means to get the same thing without marriage or you're just such a wimp that a wife now is just going to brow beat you to death for the rest of your life, and who wants that? Marriage is an institution that one eventually learns is far over rated to be more than it really is.

By fifty most unmarried men have long ago stopped being mommy's little boy turned wife's devoted servant. For those older and married they eventually realize that life without their wives is too scary to contemplate so bow to the master of the pitiful life they never lived. Sad suckers, one and all. 😜
 
I think the legal aspects of merging two families in the later years is not an impossibility. Certainly when it comes to finances and assets, everything can be worked out beforehand. It's not that difficult to do.
 

birdy said:
I think the legal aspects of merging two families in the later years is not an impossibility. Certainly when it comes to finances and assets, everything can be worked out beforehand. It's not that difficult to do.
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Prenups are done in anticipation of something in later life than young people at their age do not have issues with, yet. And, that's the point of the thread - what are the pros and cons of marriage late in life. Why bother with marriage? Instead just live together as the independents you've always been and really want to remain. Neither really wants that to change at this stage in life.
 
Robb.hisself said:
Prenups are done in anticipation of something in later life than young people at their age do not have issues with, yet. And, that's the point of the thread - what are the pros and cons of marriage late in life. Why bother with marriage? Instead just live together as the independents you've always been and really want to remain. Neither really wants that to change at this stage in life.
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It may be more about blending families in the sense of making them a lot more comfortable with your new situation.

I'm sure everyone has their top concerns though.
 
dilettante said:
It may be more about blending families in the sense of making them a lot more comfortable with your new situation.
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Yes. Late life marriage is filled with complications that marriage earlier in life is not. Which is the primary reason why people who are truly in love at this point see the institution of marriage for what it really means at this point as well. You should be over the nave perspective of life at this point.
 
I did not read the article but I think one of the issues would be giving up your freedom that living alone gives you. I have lived alone now for five years and if I had to merge my life with someone else I would probably hate it........no, I would hate it. I have lived most of my life married and remember all the times of wanting to do something and trying to convince someone else to let me do it. Plus in all my marriages I was the house keeper. All that work now would be too much for me and even if it wasn't I don't want to do it.

I understand people getting married at an older age because they were married and ended up single again and want to do it again. So it depends on each person what is right for them. Adult children can be a big issue also.
 
I had a good companion in my marriage. I used to think it was as good as being alone except I had this man to be alone with! We were so comfortable together. I miss this so much. Of course I would want this again. It was being ME, with company.

I did consider, in fact I was determined, to find this again, even a bit of it. Then life took over, I got cancer the first time and my health went downhill.

If an opportunity fell into my lap? I'm so set in my ways now. My husband and I even had very similar astrological charts, it was just so natural to be together.

Date again though? I miss that as much as I miss my period, which is not at all.

I think it's all behind me.

eta
if some miracle happened, I would say 'Yes.'
 
Pepper said:
I had a good companion in my marriage. I used to think it was as good as being alone except I had this man to be alone with! We were so comfortable together. I miss this so much. Of course I would want this again. It was being ME, with company.

I did consider, in fact I was determined, to find this again, even a bit of it. Then life took over, I got cancer the first time and my health went downhill.

If an opportunity fell into my lap? I'm so set in my ways now. My husband and I even had very similar astrological charts, it was just so natural to be together.

Date again though? I miss that as much as I miss my period, which is not at all.

I think it's all behind me.

eta
if some miracle happened, I would say 'Yes.'
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I had a very equal partnership with my husband and loved being married. I don't think I am set in my ways at all. Even after all those years of marriage. Dating is not something I want to do though. But I'm pretty sure I have no choice. For now, I will just immerse myself in self care and become the best version of myself. And even though I can't imagine it, I might say "yes" too. It was very good the first time around.
 
Pepper said:
If an opportunity fell into my lap? I'm so set in my ways now. My husband and I even had very similar astrological charts, it was just so natural to be together.

Date again though? I miss that as much as I miss my period, which is not at all.

I think it's all behind me.

eta
if some miracle happened, I would say 'Yes.'
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I get being set in your ways. That's probably my obstacle now, but I would hope that any bending required might be a 50-50 proposition that might successfully meet in the middle.

Then again we might be amazed what inspiration can make possible.

Somehow I'm reminded of that movie "It Could Happen To You." Does it apply here? Well no, except for how sappy love can be, yet people have started anew with a kindred soul.
 
I have now lived alone for 3 years which is the longest I’ve ever been alone. I have adjusted and no longer want to compromise or take care of someone else.

However, I would love to have a partner that I love and have fun with and do things together. It’s awesome to be in love. If I am lucky enough to find someone at this age they would have to be satisfied without being married or living together.
 
Well I had this female friend once, no there was never anything deeper to it.

But...

She'd had polio as a child. She was fine, but her right foot would tighten up. She needed a deep massage on a regular basis. Early on four of us had a dinner together, then watched a movie together on TV. She had a blanket over her bare legs because she was very thin and the A/C got to her. She swung herself around and plopped her feet on my thigh. I reached in and gave a foot a squeeze. She decided I had strong hands.

From there on she'd have me massage that foot for her. Not the other one, just the right foot. Her adult son was happy, he was sick of the task. It wasn't what you might think. Her best friend was there and I was dating her (the friend). So all above board, you cheeky monkeys.

But then she'd need the plumbing fixed. And then some heavy landscaping done. And on and on.

That got old quick and I was glad when I bailed on that friend. Of course I lost the other one soon after. She started cheating and then massive hidden debt had come to light. But that's another tale.

There wasn't any love or anything else involved with the foot lady, so I might be projecting when I suggest that having a "loved one" living apart might soon make one feel abused as a Dogsbody - Wikipedia and as soon as opportunity knocks he may be gone.
 
I wouldn't marry again if I found myself widowed. The financial concerns and potential pitfalls are very very important to consider.
I have seen many a situation where elderly people are conned into thinking they have found love again. They succumb to romance and marriage because their loneliness got unbearable. It can be tragic.
 
I considered it a few times but it was more like a fantasy day dream. I only thought of what it would be like to spend the rest of my life with another human who was my knight in shining armor ❤️.

With any relationship, though comes problems. If we worked on them though we possibly could overcome them and live happily ever after.

I haven't had very good relationships with men in the past but that could all change I guess.

Just some speculating 🤔
 
Ruthanne said:
... knight in shining armor ❤️.
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I've been perusing the dating advice industry and that phrase comes up very often. It is the death knell for finding love, since it ruins one potential relationship after another. Every potential mate has to compete with this mythical invisible man in the relationship triangle it creates.

But I know you didn't mean it that way. It's just that repeating a thought enough times can actually manifest it as a belief.
 
Rose65 said:
I wouldn't marry again if I found myself widowed. The financial concerns and potential pitfalls are very very important to consider.
I have seen many a situation where elderly people are conned into thinking they have found love again. They succumb to romance and marriage because their loneliness got unbearable. It can be tragic.
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You work those financial issues out in advance. Especially if you are wealthy. I don't understand being conned but I guess it can happen if you lose your brain along with your spouse.
 
dilettante said:
I've been perusing the dating advice industry and that phrase comes up very often. It is the death knell for finding love, since it ruins one potential relationship after another. Every potential mate has to compete with this mythical invisible man in the relationship triangle it creates.

But I know you didn't mean it that way. It's just that repeating a thought enough times can actually manifest it as a belief.
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I see your point. I was only speculating and have no real plans of looking for someone again. It's a royal pain in the butt...lol

I did also mention what two people in a relationship should do to make it work. So I never said I would be looking for perfection.

My reason for using the term Knight in shining armor was just the expression I used and first thing that came to mind.

Anyhow enough said. This is making me feel down.
 
Ruthanne said:
My reason for using the term Knight in shining armor was just the expression I used and first thing that came to mind.
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I understood that. Sorry, I just had a reaction after watching too many videos and reading too many web pages.
 

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