The lost art of conversation.

Mz. Lady

Mz. Lady

New Member
Location
Arizona. South Carolina next? Mexico next?
It seems difficult to have meaningful, interesting, conversations anymore. There are so many interesting things to see, hear and wonder about, in the world, but many people seem to, reflexively, resort to talking about their kids or grandkids, their health issues and personal problems. What makes people think that someone (unrelated to them) would really be interested in such things? Also, it seems that people donā€™t remember that conversation is mean to be a two-sided affair, so they engage in long-winded output, and talk right over you when you try to speak. I am so puzzled and bothered by this. Have you experienced this? How do you handle it?
 

I just had a 3 hour conversation last night. Wide array of topics with hardly any lulls. We even dove into the difficult topic of Brussels sprouts. I just said "I'll have yours."

It might have been one of the best conversations I have had in a very long time.
 
As you've pointed out, people often default to discussing their own personal experiences, especially when it comes to their children or health issues. This is likely because these topics are very familiar and comfortable to them, and they feel that others will be able to relate or empathize.
Additionally, the constant exposure to media, social media, and digital distractions can make it harder for people to engage in deeper conversations. It's as if we have become so accustomed to short-form communication that we forget how to truly connect with others on a deeper level.

As for handling such situations, it can be tricky. One strategy is to try to steer the conversation towards more thought-provoking topics, perhaps by asking questions that invite the other person to reflect on more abstract ideas or share their opinions on broader societal issues.
Another approach is to be more assertive in conversations and gently interrupt when you feel that you're being talked over. It might sound rude, but it's actually a way of ensuring that your voice is heard and respected.
 
I had this problem with a long arranged call from an old acquaintance. She talked at length about every detail of her family life mostly, I think, to impress me. After an hour or so I interrupted her to inform her of the passing of a mutual friend. My solution was to not be available for her next call.
 
We adults live during a science and technology era with much telecom, television, video, movie, phone, computer displayed communication, supplanting earlier era personal face to face interactions. In some occupations, face to face interpersonal communication is considerable especially in businesses, professional, and service jobs, that fills that need in lives balanced also with home family life with spouse, children and friends. That was this person in some jobs at work but not others plus a single home life plus leisure times interacting often outdoors with like enthusiasts.

But many adults once they leave their high school years, get into occupations where talking to a few lunch time peers is about all they experience each day unless they find other after work or weekend activities to share. For some its a beer drinking life at some local bars. For others its a Tuesday evening meeting at a community church. It also used to be mall shopaholics talking to retail folks.

But for many now it is these half a glass full computer community and social media interactions where there are little non-verbal facets that dominate face to face in ways most do not appreciate. So people become warped when put into face to face interactions and tend to not be aware of how much is being missed not seeing each other's faces and hearing their and one's own voices.

When I worked in corporate environments, some of the most ridiculous social situations between people were these large company paid department lunches with some dozens of employees all sitting around at large long restaurant tables ordering food and looking at each other with most too inhibited to ever do more than speak a bit to a few others they directly worked with. Some like this person with his loud voice would try to help conversations. Others were obviously inhibited talking with those in management above them just as is common in companies with lots of meetings where significant numbers of people say little.

Out of work, one of my favorite places to talk to lots of strangers, has always been in winters while skiing where single persons are continually sharing ski lift chair rides sitting next to others. Since most are rather excited and having fun with a common activity, there are often many others looking to share conversation talking about things like where they just skied and how the snow was or things one is watching down on slopes while riding up on lifts.

My main resort at Heavenly is also a world class destination resort with lots of wealthy young foreigners, especially from Latin American countries but also all the Alps regions. Many foreigners greatly appreciate being able to make friendly conversation with any US Americans because such in this era tends to be so uncommon. I can tell sometimes that despite being next to many US folks, I might be the only person they met all week that actually engaged at length with them and how doing so is making them feel good by being mutually friendly. Much more.
 
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Paco Dennis said:
One strategy is to try to steer the conversation towards more thought-provoking topics, perhaps by asking questions that invite the other person to reflect on more abstract ideas or share their opinions on broader societal issues.
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Unfortunately, I've tried that more than a few times and have always gotten back such as this: "Oh, for heaven's sake! Let's not talk politics/science/history/current affairs/archaeology/the weather/anythingotherthanmygrandkids! Nobody cares about that stuff! Now, listen to how popular my handsome grandson is!" or Listen to what that stupid son-/daughter-in-law of mine's done now!"

One person--the one who's got the handsome grandson mentioned above--for instance, literally said to me when I tried bringing up a kind of sciencey subject, "Oh, what in the world do you want to talk about that for?! Nobody likes science!"

I've given up trying to get any of the women I know in my age group to talk about anything other than their family. Nothing wrong with being interested in your own family but some people aren't interested in anything but.

I think @hawkdon might be right about conversation starting to die around the time of TV; it certainly didn't help, anyway.
 
officerripley said:
Unfortunately, I've tried that more than a few times and have always gotten back such as this: "Oh, for heaven's sake! Let's not talk politics/science/history/current affairs/archaeology/the weather/anythingotherthanmygrandkids! Nobody cares about that stuff! Now, listen to how popular my handsome grandson is!" or Listen to what that stupid son-/daughter-in-law of mine's done now!"

One person--the one who's got the handsome grandson mentioned above--for instance, literally said to me when I tried bringing up a kind of sciencey subject, "Oh, what in the world do you want to talk about that for?! Nobody likes science!"

I've given up trying to get any of the women I know in my age group to talk about anything other than their family. Nothing wrong with being interested in your own family but some people aren't interested in anything but.

I think @hawkdon might be right about conversation starting to die around the time of TV; it certainly didn't help, anyway.
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You go right ahead and express yourself, because you got one person ( me ) interested in those kind of discussions. Let's get it rollin. :)
 
Mz. Lady said:
It seems difficult to have meaningful, interesting, conversations anymore. There are so many interesting things to see, hear and wonder about, in the world, but many people seem to, reflexively, resort to talking about their kids or grandkids, their health issues and personal problems. What makes people think that someone (unrelated to them) would really be interested in such things? Also, it seems that people donā€™t remember that conversation is mean to be a two-sided affair, so they engage in long-winded output, and talk right over you when you try to speak. I am so puzzled and bothered by this. Have you experienced this? How do you handle it?
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Children, grandchildren and the like is such a boring topic. Yet I agree, a lot of people default to the subject. It's as though when they had children, they gave up being themselves, with other interests and thoughts. We're individuals after all, and if you're meeting with me I assume it's to talk to me, not to hear about kids.

In the modern day, if you asked someone for a conversation, they'd probably look up its meaning on Google first. :D
 
Naturally said:
Some confuse the art of conversation with the power of speech
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That's a really insightful observation! While the power of speech is certainly an important part of conversation, it's far from the only component. In fact, some might argue that the art of conversation is more about listening and understanding than it is about speaking.
Conversation is a dynamic exchange of ideas and perspectives that requires active engagement and thoughtful consideration of the other person's viewpoint. It's not simply a matter of waiting for your turn to talk or trying to dominate the conversation with your own speech.

In many ways, the art of conversation is about creating a connection and building understanding between people. It requires a willingness to listen attentively, ask thoughtful questions, and consider alternative perspectives.
So while the power of speech is certainly important in conversation, it's just one piece of a much larger and more complex puzzle. Mastering the art of conversation means recognizing this and learning to use all the tools at your disposal to create meaningful and engaging interactions.
 
chic said:
In all fairness, it's safer to converse about the kids and grandkids, your health etc because broader topics can be problematic these days when everyone is looking for reasons to hate everyone else. Division is just so sad. :confused:
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You make a valid point, chic. In a world where there's so much division and polarization, it can feel safer and more comfortable to stick to safe topics like family or health, where the risk of conflict or misunderstanding is lower. However, it's also important to consider the consequences of only talking about those safe topics. When we limit our conversations to a narrow range of subjects, we can miss out on the opportunity to learn from and connect with people who have different experiences and perspectives.

While it's true that some people may use differences of opinion as a reason to be hateful or divisive, there's also something beautiful and enriching about engaging in thoughtful and respectful dialogue with someone who sees the world differently. After all, learning to listen and understand the perspectives of others is a key component of empathy, and empathy is a crucial ingredient for building strong relationships and communities.

It's also worth considering the potential benefits of stepping outside of our comfort zones and engaging in meaningful discussions about the wider world.
 
officerripley said:
Unfortunately, I've tried that more than a few times and have always gotten back such as this: "Oh, for heaven's sake! Let's not talk politics/science/history/current affairs/archaeology/the weather/anythingotherthanmygrandkids! Nobody cares about that stuff! Now, listen to how popular my handsome grandson is!" or Listen to what that stupid son-/daughter-in-law of mine's done now!"

One person--the one who's got the handsome grandson mentioned above--for instance, literally said to me when I tried bringing up a kind of sciencey subject, "Oh, what in the world do you want to talk about that for?! Nobody likes science!"

I've given up trying to get any of the women I know in my age group to talk about anything other than their family. Nothing wrong with being interested in your own family but some people aren't interested in anything but.

I think @hawkdon might be right about conversation starting to die around the time of TV; it certainly didn't help, anyway.
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And that is why I live alone out in the woods......
 
Mz. Lady said:
It seems difficult to have meaningful, interesting, conversations anymore. There are so many interesting things to see, hear and wonder about, in the world, but many people seem to, reflexively, resort to talking about their kids or grandkids, their health issues and personal problems. What makes people think that someone (unrelated to them) would really be interested in such things? Also, it seems that people donā€™t remember that conversation is mean to be a two-sided affair, so they engage in long-winded output, and talk right over you when you try to speak. I am so puzzled and bothered by this. Have you experienced this? How do you handle it?
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I think, in groups of any and all ages, there is so much polarization that people stick to small talk lest they offend anyone or worse, make a lifelong enemy.

It's not even safe to make JOKES in certain circles. Jokes are not allowed. Anyone remember Don Rickels and his comedy of being highly offensive to everyone! I don't think he could never make it in today's media climate. (You hockey puck!)
 
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hawkdon said:
I'll just make a comment, I think conversations between people went awawy with the advent of the television, and has continued to go farther away......IMHO
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I know this is part of why I loved Downton Abbey (maybe it is unconsciously part of the show's popularity with others too?) No radio, no TV - a family and others talking together, visiting, and doing things. Such beautiful language in D.A. Many lovely words. Some small talk scenes, but much important talk too.
 

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