I apologize to the members

In the past, when I was new to this forum I did forget myself a couple of times and got a bit snarky with one or two members with whom I clashed horns. When I cooled down I apologised and then to teach myself a lesson, I sentenced myself to 14 days in Coventry. This means that although I would read posts, I forbade myself to post anything at all for 2 weeks. I hated this restriction and changed my attitude, becoming less volatile and letting irritations pass on by.

PP, I salute you and I don't want to know any details.
 
PeppermintPatty said:
I need to learn that I don’t have to comment to negativity. People have a right to comment. It doesn’t mean I ‘have’ to react.

The post I got attacked on was about forgiveness. It’s harder to forgive. It’s much easier to keep the animosity going but when and where does it end?

I’m hoping ‘this’ will be my lessen to not react. Personal attacks don’t need a response. Personal attacks don’t deserve a response. I need to be more mature.

Thanks for the support though. It’s appreciated.
Click to expand...
Patty, there are some on here that don't have the good grace to apologise for their acid comments, I have them on ignore, but you lovely lady, have demonstrated that you do have good grace and manners. Gizza bite of your Mars Bar. 😊
 
Warrigal said:
In the past, when I was new to this forum I did forget myself a couple of times and got a bit snarky with one or two members with whom I clashed horns. When I cooled down I apologised and then to teach myself a lesson, I sentenced myself to 14 days in Coventry. This means that although I would read posts, I forbade myself to post anything at all for 2 weeks. I hated this restriction and changed my attitude, becoming less volatile and letting irritations pass on by.

PP, I salute you and I don't want to know any details.
Click to expand...
How interesting. I have lived in an intentional community for many years. At one point, I started clashing with a couple of new people. It got to be quite disruptive. I decided to take a "vow of silence". It lasted for a few weeks, and I refrained from voicing my opinion on matters. It really taught me a lot. Mainly that it was possible to NOT react. :)
 
Pepper said:
I wish you didn't react by tattling to matrix on me. That act ruined our friendship, which, believe it or not, I used to value.
Click to expand...
Your right. I should have remained silent. I am sorry, but I was hurt by being accused of something I am not, twice. That I don't know what empathy is. I wish that whole transaction didn't occur, and I am not holding onto it any longer. I value you, and we can forgive and forget. I hope. :)
 
Being hurt doesn't mean you tattle to the man. I can't respect tattling, no matter the provocation. Reminds me of being a little kid yelling "I'm going to TELL...........MAAAA!!!!!" Grown adults don't tattle.
 
PeppermintPatty said:
Today I over reacted to someone’s criticism of me. I apologize to the members of this forum.
It was most unkind of me.
Click to expand...

Here is what I've learned.

The more information you give, the more ammunition you're giving bitter people to use against you. It's a strange phenomena. I experienced it myself on this very forum. When I joined this forum I gave my own view of my marriage, and why there were issues. At best, I gave 50% of the story. The other 50% belongs not to me, but to my partner. But in my post I was confessional. I admitted to faults, and didn't at all speak about positives.

The outcome is that some labelled me as "X", and have decided they know me. More peculiar, they take some of my posts out of context, attempt to marry it with my personal post, and come to weird conclusions. These conclusions are ALWAYS negative. Which is why I don't allow it to bother me - they don't know the whole me, they know a little of what I perceived as being a mistake in a marriage, which doesn't relate to, say, a post about global warming or the homeless.

In other words, jumping to conclusions is really more about ignorance than anything else. Along with that, it truly does say more about the person with the conclusions than it does about me. Very few people really want to know what you meant by something, or to get more info, which could easily be done via PM - they'd rather jump to a conclusion and then cement it with negativity. This is very true here in a few (not all).

If you think you offended someone, or you want to apologize, PM that person. You'll quickly learn the quality of the person when they either reply or choose to ignore you. ;)
 
Pepper said:
Patty, my love, because I love you, have you read The Four Agreements?
" 'The Four Agreements' by Don Miguel Ruiz is a self-help book that outlines four principles for living a meaningful life. It encourages readers to be impeccable with their words, not to take things personally, never make assumptions, and always do their best."

The Chapter on Not Taking Things Personally is one of the most important things I've ever read in my long life. Not that I live by it, I forget most of the time, but it is so true. I urge you to read this if you have not already.
Click to expand...
Hey Pepper
I have the book and shall read the 2nd agreement, ‘Don’t take anything personally’ then go back and read the rest of the book. I couldn’t find the paperback I had so downloaded it.

Good recommendation
ThanksIMG_4336.jpeg
 
Last edited:
PeppermintPatty said:
Hey Pepper
I have the book and shall read the 2nd agreement, ‘Don’t take anything personally’ then go back and read the rest of the book. I couldn’t find the paperback I had so downloaded it.

Good recommendation
Thanks
Click to expand...
That statement seems impossible for me to do. I feel my experience first and then react. It is my personal experience, right? What am I to do with the experience? I can think of some circumstances when not taking something personal would be a possible insult to the other person, if the gesture was positive. I know that the statement basically means don't make "whatever" a personal melodrama. I can understand that. I think maybe a more realistic approach for me would be take my feelings into account, but do not let them decide how to react.

This probably doesn't really need to be discussed because we all know how letting our emotions carry us away, but we gonna have feelings. It IS good advice to be careful about this stuff, but do you think it is realistic?
 
Paco Dennis said:
That statement seems impossible for me to do. I feel my experience first and then react. It is my personal experience, right? What am I to do with the experience? I can think of some circumstances when not taking something personal would be a possible insult to the other person, if the gesture was positive. I know that the statement basically means don't make "whatever" a personal melodrama. I can understand that. I think maybe a more realistic approach for me would be take my feelings into account, but do not let them decide how to react.

This probably doesn't really need to be discussed because we all know how letting our emotions carry us away, but we gonna have feelings. It IS good advice to be careful about this stuff, but do you think it is realistic?
Click to expand...
Not taking things personally is in connection to negative stuff slung towards you. That critism, insult isn’t about you. It’s about the person dishing it out. If someone says ‘hey stupid,’ and you turn around, you’ve just made it personal when it needn’t be. .

If someone says, ‘ Hey you sexy thing, why not come to bed’ and you don’t take it personally, then you might miss a good time.

That where come sense needs to come into play.
 
PeppermintPatty said:
Not taking things personally is in connection to negative stuff slung towards you. That critism, insult isn’t about you. It’s about the person dishing it out. If someone says ‘hey stupid,’ and you turn around, you’ve just made it personal when it needn’t be. .

If someone says, ‘ Hey you sexy thing, why not come to bed’ and you don’t take it personally, then you might miss a good time.

That where come sense needs to come into play.
Click to expand...
I can see that for sure. I know about putting on the coat that people make for you. I try not to take that personally but find it difficult to dismiss it entirely. This has to do with forgiving yourself and others for mishaps. I can do that most of the time, but again...the karma lingers. I guess if life were black and white, instead of the panorama of colures that invade our senses it would all be really simple.

Animals can even take things personally. They can grow to hate a bad owner. It is also true that some "triggers" that set us off are "bigger" than others, and some of them will make us jump if we are poked. If we are sensitive to our surroundings it follows that living will be a journey of trial and error/success.
 
is this becoming a personal discussion that should be in private or are you happy for the whole world to listen in? quite frankly dont know wot ya talkin about - it feels private now?
 
davey said:
is this becoming a personal discussion that should be in private or are you happy for the whole world to listen in? quite frankly dont know wot ya talkin about - it feels private now?
Click to expand...
I feel like everyone can relate to how we take things personally.? So, I don't understand why you feel it is private. This is a universal subject.... apologizing, and forgiveness. It is not easy to do. Maybe that is enough to be said, like I said earlier, it is so universal that it is all taken for granted. If you want me to drop it, i will. This is just something that has been discussed in our community for a very long time. It goes to the heart of engaged Buddhist practice.
 

You must log in or register to reply here.

Back
Top