I'm worried about my sister...

V

VisualBrian

Member
When my dad died a couple of years ago at 93, he left the home and bank accounts to my sister; she was the one who cared for him in his last years and all the remaining family, including I as the executor of his will, thought it was the right thing to do. My brother who lives next-door to her in Florida, knowing that she trusts me and not-so-much him, recently asked me to talk to her because he was worried about her financial situation.

After examining her banking records, it became apparent that she has been giving a lot of money to religious charities, to the tune of nearly $60,000.00 in the last year alone. She is Catholic and apparently, they have been sharing her name and donation information among themselves for some time. Her only income is less than $600.00 a month in SS and a small amount of savings interest on what is left in the bank. If this situation continues, I fear that she will lose the house and be on welfare in less than a year.

She believes that God will provide and that as long as she has means, she must share what she has. I am not a stupid man but my pleading and sense fall on deaf ears. What am I to do?
 

A question and a thought... question is how were you able to "examine her bank records?"
And the thought is that if she is of sound mind and wants to donate her wealth to the church, that would be her decision unless she is also donating what is to be *your* inheritance as well. I know you're worried about her, but we can't really make decisions for capable adults if they are mentally sound. We can *tell* them our fears and warnings, but if harped on, a lot of people will double down.

Bottom line, if your dad left the home to your sister and she's not mentally at a disadvantage, it's her decision what happens to it.
 

CallMeKate said:
A question and a thought... question is how were you able to "examine her bank records?"
And the thought is that if she is of sound mind and wants to donate her wealth to the church, that would be her decision unless she is also donating what is to be *your* inheritance as well. I know you're worried about her, but we can't really make decisions for capable adults if they are mentally sound. We can *tell* them our fears and warnings, but if harped on, a lot of people will double down.

Bottom line, if your dad left the home to your sister and she's not mentally at a disadvantage, it's her decision what happens to it.
Click to expand...
I would want to make sure this is her choice and she's not being coerced. If she loses all her money then as family they become morally responsible. Something that the church, if legitimate, would not want to happen.
@VisualBrian I think you have a right to step in on your sister's behalf on those grounds.
 
If your sister is sane, she can do whatever she wants with her money. But that's all the law I know, picked up from cop shows. I would suggest you consult an attorney. I assume your sister is 70ish, and if she continues to give money away till she's destitute, there may be a legal way for a relative to get control of her spending???????
 
I have no advice... but I fel for you and your sister.. This is something that happens here a lot.

there has been cases where family members have found their loved one living in squalor after discovering that their name has been given to every charity in the land, and the old person feels obliged or worried that if they don't give to them, something bad will happen to them...
 
Want to have her cognition tested? But the thing is, I knew a woman who went through this with her dad and scammers in Africa. She tried to get his capacity taken away but he passed the tests.

I found out my stepfather was donating a lot when he was hospitalized. Some days over 30 solicitations in the mail. Some organizations twice a week.

There may be little you can do if she has capacity and she's going to deal with some consequences. She's not realizing the gift she got. I'm all for donating. I donate what I can to cat rescues. But you have to stay in your means.

I tried to discuss this with my stepfather but he never really answered. Some old people are weird and he's weirder than most.
 
Knight said:
Is there a way for you to have her mental capacity checked?
Faith is nice but reality comes down to. Would you be willing to support her when her means becomes to small for her to support herself?
Click to expand...
Exactly. I'm thinking the streets or low income housing if she can find one right away. She's about killing herself and shouldn't expect others to rescue her.
 
Jules said:
Can you talk to her church and explain that she can’t afford these donations. They might get her name removed from these lists.
Click to expand...
Or if mentally incompetent find out if there is a way to have that money refunded. If she is on a list that almost sounds like a fraud scheme.
 
CallMeKate said:
A question and a thought... question is how were you able to "examine her bank records?"
And the thought is that if she is of sound mind and wants to donate her wealth to the church, that would be her decision unless she is also donating what is to be *your* inheritance as well. I know you're worried about her, but we can't really make decisions for capable adults if they are mentally sound. We can *tell* them our fears and warnings, but if harped on, a lot of people will double down.

Bottom line, if your dad left the home to your sister and she's not mentally at a disadvantage, it's her decision what happens to it.
Click to expand...
By bank records I mean her checkbook and bank statements she gets each month in the mail. I believe she is of sound mind, but just very... Catholic.
 
Murrmurr said:
Can you get advice from an attorney? Do you still have rights as executor of your dad's estate, or did that end when the will was settled? And was it legally settled, or is there even such a thing? Maybe you can find answers online if you can't consult an attorney.
Click to expand...
The estate is settled, and I don't want to take any kind of action. I guess I've done all I can do by advising her, but I worry w2hat will happen if she doesn't stop.
 
VisualBrian said:
By bank records I mean her checkbook and bank statements she gets each month in the mail. I believe she is of sound mind, but just very... Catholic.
Click to expand...
And she just hands those things over to you? I'm thinking of how I'd react if my siblings didn't "approve" of my donations no matter how much they were and started trying to control my finances when I'm of very sound mind. 'Fraid it wouldn't be pleasant. Are you sure that brother she doesn't trust isn't up to something? Why doesn't she trust him?
 
CallMeKate said:
And she just hands those things over to you? I'm thinking of how I'd react if my siblings didn't "approve" of my donations no matter how much they were and started trying to control my finances when I'm of very sound mind. 'Fraid it wouldn't be pleasant. Are you sure that brother she doesn't trust isn't up to something? Why doesn't she trust him?
Click to expand...
Yes, we sat and looked at them together because I was concerned, and my brother was the one who got me to talk to her. We were very close growing up and I'm her favorite. My brother... not so much. Perhaps because they live next door to each other, they argue all the time.
 
My closest friend is very high up on direct donations, it has been her entire career. If the charity is legitimate, they do not know of her monetary situation. They ask, it's up to the donor to give. I doubt any Catholic Church is deliberately squeezing your sister, Brian. All you can do is speak frankly with her about her situation. If she is not of sound mind, go directly to the Charity with this information and demand they stop. If they are legit, they will, and the Catholic Church has a good reputation charity-wise. Would you speak with her Parish Priest if you suspect she has some type of dementia? If so, you should.
 
If you choose to talk with your sister again, ask her how her mom and dad would feel about the way she’s handling these funds. Suggest that they wanted her to be secure in her older age. If they’d wanted it given away to charities, they would have done that themselves.
 

You must log in or register to reply here.

Back
Top