Loosing a good friend to the wrong sort of Love. Advice needed.

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Aprilla

Aprilla

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Hi. I am deeply sad today. it feels like it will never end.

I have a male friend, who is married, I have known for years, and just recently I have fallen deeply in love with him and its distressing because I am I single, and well, I am a christian and its so inappropriate. I have tried to get rid of the feelings, I have tried dating, looking for love, and I have tried distracting myself, but the more I am in contact with him the worse it gets.

I took time away from him for a few months and he new why and was supportive of my decision, but I heard on the grapevine he was missing me and I returned because I did initially feel so much better for the time out from constant craving and anxiety. My feelings abated for a while. He was elated on my return. while I just felt worse. Now I want to leave Forever so I can move on and meet my own partner and companion... he is desperately trying to keep me around ...Oh God...he's a sweetheart..and I hate to hurt him.

I haven't told my church because I know what they would say...I know what God says, I guess I'm just looking for a shoulder to cry on because I am distressed now and will be grieving terribly for a while and sad to have to break our relationship and it will have to be forever.

I just don't quite know how to tell him and I keep ignoring him hoping he gets the message. But its not working, he is becoming distressed, and I have never seen him like this before...

Thanks for reading.

I feel like my heart is literally breaking in two..☹️
 

Disgusting. The man is a hypocritical Christian adulterer. You are wrong to be close friends with a married man. JMHO. Churches and its members seeking to cheat with one another. Turns my stomach. Look to your Jesus for help. Can't give you my shoulder, Nope.
 
Pepper said:
Disgusting. The man is a hypocritical Christian adulterer. You are wrong to be close friends with a married man. JMHO. Churches and its members seeking to cheat with one another. Turns my stomach. Look to your Jesus for help. Can't give you my shoulder, Nope.
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She claims she's the Christian... I'm thinking he's mostly likely not. She already said she knows it's inappropriate, so I'm staying out of this one 'fore my mouth gets me in trouble. :ROFLMAO: Heard the song & dance before.
 

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He wants to keep you around when he's married? That doesn't sound like something I'd want to invest in. You can love someone from afar without them ever knowing about it. Acting on it would create more problems than unrequited love. I'd nip that in the bud.
 
You have to forget about this relationship.
He is not a friend to you. The man is enjoying the attention that you give him and you find yourself in a sad and agonizing situation. It is not healthy. Get busy with your church, other friends and lots of hobbies but please do not keep contact with him.
I know it will be hard for you but look into the future instead of the past. You will feel better.
 
Rossana said:
You have to forget about this relationship.
He is not a friend to you. The man is enjoying the attention that you give him and you find yourself in a sad and agonizing situation. It is not healthy. Get busy with your church, other friends and lots of hobbies but please do not keep contact with him.
I know it will be hard for you but look into the future instead of the past. You will feel better.
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I agree. If this guy knows you’re in love with him but still wants you around, he playing with you and thats just adding fuel to the fire. Get busy with your church. Ask for some volunteer work. Ask for a big project to keep yourself distracted. You are very brave to share this with us. I wish you the best.
 
Aprilla said:
Hi. I am deeply sad today. it feels like it will never end.

I have a male friend, who is married, I have known for years, and just recently I have fallen deeply in love with him and its distressing because I am I single, and well, I am a christian and its so inappropriate. I have tried to get rid of the feelings, I have tried dating, looking for love, and I have tried distracting myself, but the more I am in contact with him the worse it gets.

I took time away from him for a few months and he new why and was supportive of my decision, but I heard on the grapevine he was missing me and I returned because I did initially feel so much better for the time out from constant craving and anxiety. My feelings abated for a while. He was elated on my return. while I just felt worse. Now I want to leave Forever so I can move on and meet my own partner and companion... he is desperately trying to keep me around ...Oh God...he's a sweetheart..and I hate to hurt him.

I haven't told my church because I know what they would say...I know what God says, I guess I'm just looking for a shoulder to cry on because I am distressed now and will be grieving terribly for a while and sad to have to break our relationship and it will have to be forever.

I just don't quite know how to tell him and I keep ignoring him hoping he gets the message. But its not working, he is becoming distressed, and I have never seen him like this before...

Thanks for reading.

I feel like my heart is literally breaking in two..☹️
Click to expand...
You already know in your heart what you have to do, and putting it off won't help. Their marriage has to stand or fail on it's own without you being an influence. The longer your mind holds onto the possibility, the more heartache you will have. If you really care about him, you won't ruin his life with causing a divorce and all the misery that brings.
 
The situation that Aprilla is in is very real. These things do happen. I think many people here are being too harsh. We all have emotional and physical needs that need to be met. The trick is to find somebody else who will meet those needs in a civilized way.

The only solution is to stay away from this man like he is the plague. If she gets involved with him there is no good ending for many people.

A few thoughts to put things in perspective:

1a. Ask yourself, What, if anything, has his wife done to you that is so bad you must get involved with husband for revenge, punishment, etc? My guess is probably little or nothing.

1b. Ask yourself, what have his children and maybe grandchildren done to you that is so bad that you can justify helping ripping apart their family? My guess is little or nothing.

2. You will have to lie, and lie and lie to support this illicit affair. Cheaters lie. They have to. Those who support them lie. They have to. You can’t do this without being an ongoing liar. Are you ready for that and the toll it will take on you and your ‘relationship’ with this man? Oh, he will have to be a great liar also. Hmmm.... do you smell a rat?

3. We all have mental, emotional and physical needs for companionship. It’s built into us. You need to find a way to fill those needs that is legitimate and accepted. Get counseling from somebody who knows what he or she is doing.

Years ago I dated a gal for a while. One day she broke down in tears telling me about her previous boyfriend. He was a married man. They broke up when his wife found about about his affair with her. The gal I was dating broke down in tears. She was full of guilt for what she did to that man‘s wife and kids. It was sad. Shortly thereafter she broke up with me, and frankly, I was glad she did.

I write this a somebody whose marriage and family were blown up by my spouse’s affair. Even today, 20+ years later the bad effects are still present. Our more mature grandchildren have started to figure out on their own that grandma committed adultery. I have never trash talked her to anybody. But, I will not lie to my grandchildren when they ask me about it.
 
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bobcat said:
You already know in your heart what you have to do, and putting it off won't help. Their marriage has to stand or fail on it's own without you being an influence. The longer your mind holds onto the possibility, the more heartache you will have. If you really care about him, you won't ruin his life with causing a divorce and all the misery that brings.
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Yeah, she has it in the title: "...the wrong sort of love"

@Aprilla - He's loving the attention. Stop giving it to him.
 
Aprilla said:
Hi. I am deeply sad today. it feels like it will never end.

I have a male friend, who is married, I have known for years, and just recently I have fallen deeply in love with him and its distressing because I am I single, and well, I am a christian and its so inappropriate. I have tried to get rid of the feelings, I have tried dating, looking for love, and I have tried distracting myself, but the more I am in contact with him the worse it gets.

I took time away from him for a few months and he new why and was supportive of my decision, but I heard on the grapevine he was missing me and I returned because I did initially feel so much better for the time out from constant craving and anxiety. My feelings abated for a while. He was elated on my return. while I just felt worse. Now I want to leave Forever so I can move on and meet my own partner and companion... he is desperately trying to keep me around ...Oh God...he's a sweetheart..and I hate to hurt him.

I haven't told my church because I know what they would say...I know what God says, I guess I'm just looking for a shoulder to cry on because I am distressed now and will be grieving terribly for a while and sad to have to break our relationship and it will have to be forever.

I just don't quite know how to tell him and I keep ignoring him hoping he gets the message. But its not working, he is becoming distressed, and I have never seen him like this before...

Thanks for reading.

I feel like my heart is literally breaking in two..☹️
Click to expand...

I guess you are beginning to set your rules with yourself and private life. If you're intimate, then you are. If its hugs and pecks, then that's what it is. I suppose the best advice / council is get on with your busy life. Stop stewing and get swinging. Maybe leaving the chain effects and do the links instead. Get off your duff and live a little. Hope that helps you begin the baby steps, link to success.

I know of a trucker with 2 families, one in Mo. and one in Mississippi. He stayed too long in Mississippi when a Hurricane was nearby.
His wife in Mo. began to suspect and checked into the finances. She was very bitter for years. Joined the Golf club and started socializing.

Sitting home alone is not the answer. Join a group, club, something like that and have some fun. Just the happy lil Camper isn't the answer. Follow your choices, the things you like to do. Do Cruises or trips with the Bus, something like that. Gambling wouldn't answer much but activity may be the ticket.
 
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