Do I want to be alone or do I want to be social?

TinaM

Member
I have not been in a dating relationship in almost 15 years. I love living alone but read so much about seniors being socially isolated and how it’s not healthy. I choose to move to a new state after retirement and now I just have two out of state friends I text or call several times a week but no new friends or relatives in my new state. My only son is relocating to South America with his family in the spring. Other than my dogs and cat, I will truly be alone. I do plan to try to find some volunteer opportunities later on this year. Unfortunately, I live in a smaller town and the senior center sucks as far as activities.

I wonder if online communications count as social interaction for mental health? I’ll keep trying to meet people and hoping to get out there more in 2025.
 

I wonder if online communications count as social interaction for mental health?
I think that it can count but not every situation does so. One risk is getting wrapped up in an echo chamber stifling thought and thoughtful engagement, and the other extreme might be falling into a hostile one or a bad fit where you are under regular attack for rejecting the Kool-Aid. Both can be toxic, leading to a less agreeable outlook in real world interaction.
 

I have not been in a dating relationship in almost 15 years. I love living alone but read so much about seniors being socially isolated and how it’s not healthy. I choose to move to a new state after retirement and now I just have two out of state friends I text or call several times a week but no new friends or relatives in my new state. My only son is relocating to South America with his family in the spring. Other than my dogs and cat, I will truly be alone. I do plan to try to find some volunteer opportunities later on this year. Unfortunately, I live in a smaller town and the senior center sucks as far as activities.

I wonder if online communications count as social interaction for mental health? I’ll keep trying to meet people and hoping to get out there more in 2025.
Is there a local YMCA... would you be interested in activities of that they often have? (gym, swimming, group exercise, etc.)
 
Volunteering sounds like a good idea. I also recently joined a group at the local college that offers lectures and book discussion groups at discounted rates. It's is geared toward retired people. I'm not retired, but I'm an independent contractor and can set my own hours. Perhaps something like that is available in your area?

I agree with @chic that online communication can be very helpful, and with @Ted01's and @mike4lorie's suggestions of the local YMCA .
 
I've read about seniors who don't or can't get out and about much, if at all. Online forums are good outlets for them since they can "socialize" without needing to go out. It's good that you intend to volunteer at some point. You may meet people you like enough to continue to interact with while doing so. There's certainly enough nice people and threads to keep you engaged here in the meantime. I hope you like us enough to stick around.
Welcome Butterfly Glitter.gif
 
I love living alone but read so much about seniors being socially isolated and how it’s not healthy.

I'm an introvert (loved Covid lockdowns, ha ha), but I've read that too, about social contact being important.

I used to think about going to a Meetup type of activity, but that was back when I was working and didn't have the time. Are there any meetup groups in your area?

I haven't tried joining Senior Planet Online, but it is recommended by my county's seniors website, I think it would be a way to have zoom meeting contact with other humans. (I don't remember the organization but during Covid I attended a zoom group where a leader would talk about a subject, then we'd all have a turn expressing our thoughts about the lecture info. It must not have been too interesting because I barely remember it.)

Are you willing to relocate again? When I retired I had been living in a rural area in Nebraska, and even though I love being alone, being retired rather unexpectedly made that situation feel too alone. I wound up buying a condo in an "active 55+" community in Maryland. I've been here two years now and I am still so happy, I can get as much or as little human contact as I want. My brother bought a house in an 55+ community in Arizona when he retired, but somehow it didn't occur to me to look into them, and I simply found mine by accident.
 
I know experts say socialization is key to living longer, but I think a lot of it depends on whether you are an introvert or extrovert. Hubby and I are both introverts. He could go days without interacting with anyone else but me. I, on the other hand, will chat up anyone who wants to talk at the gym, grocery store, etc. I live in an area full of talkative, friendly people so I get my "fix" on a daily basis.
 
I've been locked up in my Villa now for 4 days due to a heavy cold, it's starting to break up now and I'm looking forward to meeting up with friends again. My sister keeps in touch and a school friend rang only this morning wanting to catch, but I had to put her off until next week. It's
nice to talk on the phone or emailing but you can't beat close contact.
 
I am an introvert. I am finding I really do much better living alone, but I do look forward to communicating with online "friends". This is the best of both worlds for me. I am really fond of a lot of you guys and glad you are now in my life and that you help keep me on my toes.
 
All good suggestions. Only new thing I've got to say is that alone doesn't necessarily mean lonely.
That being said, I get my basic requirements of real life social needs through volunteerism and a Saturday morning booth at my small town farmers market.
Online? Two friends I used to know IRL.....they're both a bit isolated too.
And of course online forums........
It's enough for me, I don't feel lonely at all.

@ TinaM.....there are multiple options and there's no one-size-fits-all formula for contentment. Find what works for you.
 
I have not been in a dating relationship in almost 15 years. I love living alone but read so much about seniors being socially isolated and how it’s not healthy. I choose to move to a new state after retirement and now I just have two out of state friends I text or call several times a week but no new friends or relatives in my new state. My only son is relocating to South America with his family in the spring. Other than my dogs and cat, I will truly be alone. I do plan to try to find some volunteer opportunities later on this year. Unfortunately, I live in a smaller town and the senior center sucks as far as activities.

I wonder if online communications count as social interaction for mental health? I’ll keep trying to meet people and hoping to get out there more in 2025.
Most likely not taking online forums seriously is a great Companion. If you find someone you enjoy good for you.
It's probably the same with Dating sites too. 100,000's out there and maybe there are a few you enjoy talking with?
I have a dear friend in Indiana who is going thru terrible spinal stuff, bending over sideways even with rods in her back. Terrible
But she still has a great attitude of life. It's a fun - interactive conversation mostly a few times a month between us.
If you find such a Person, do not throw the relationship away. Just enjoy the journey. Positivity is a great thing.
I have another Lady friend, she lives in an Elderly Low income Housing & is very reclusive. My thought, "Life sucks" sometimes!
I have known both ladies for many years, one for most all of my life. A man can't fix everything but he can be an honest man!

Maybe what I am saying is I have the time to hang in there with both of those special ladies. I maybe I can make a difference.
I certainly have no clue how to change all of it! There never was a Physical / Romantic relationship. Just Wonderful Friends there.
Sometimes we may have the incredible luck to meet wonders of the Opposite Sex that really are lasting fantastic people.
Sure, there are hard things that only we are aware of with those relationships of the past but thas also in the past. Why throw them out!
 
Last edited:
Is there a local YMCA... would you be interested in activities of that they often have? (gym, swimming, group exercise, etc.)

I'm an introvert (loved Covid lockdowns, ha ha), but I've read that too, about social contact being important.

I used to think about going to a Meetup type of activity, but that was back when I was working and didn't have the time. Are there any meetup groups in your area?

I haven't tried joining Senior Planet Online, but it is recommended by my county's seniors website, I think it would be a way to have zoom meeting contact with other humans. (I don't remember the organization but during Covid I attended a zoom group where a leader would talk about a subject, then we'd all have a turn expressing our thoughts about the lecture info. It must not have been too interesting because I barely remember it.)

Are you willing to relocate again? When I retired I had been living in a rural area in Nebraska, and even though I love being alone, being retired rather unexpectedly made that situation feel too alone. I wound up buying a condo in an "active 55+" community in Maryland. I've been here two years now and I am still so happy, I can get as much or as little human contact as I want. My brother bought a house in an 55+ community in Arizona when he retired, but somehow it didn't occur to me to look into them, and I simply found mine by accident.
There is very little here as far as meet up groups. I do plan to move to a seniors only community in about 5 years or so. I have 3 pets and was fortunate to find a brand new complex, built senior-friendly but not restricted to seniors, that takes 3 pets, which is hard to find. The nearest bigger city with over 55 communities is an hour away. There are ways for me to meet people here, I just have to make the effort.
 
I have not been in a dating relationship in almost 15 years. I love living alone but read so much about seniors being socially isolated and how it’s not healthy. I choose to move to a new state after retirement and now I just have two out of state friends I text or call several times a week but no new friends or relatives in my new state. My only son is relocating to South America with his family in the spring. Other than my dogs and cat, I will truly be alone. I do plan to try to find some volunteer opportunities later on this year. Unfortunately, I live in a smaller town and the senior center sucks as far as activities.

I wonder if online communications count as social interaction for mental health? I’ll keep trying to meet people and hoping to get out there more in 2025.
On line communications is about my only source of social interaction. It keeps me thinking about new subjects and people other than myself.
 
I'm an introvert. Sometimes I go 3 or 4 days without leaving home or talking to anyone. I don't really mind but I wonder, can this be ok?
If you're happy with the situation then, yes, it's fine. There is a danger of letting others decide what is best for you. Only you know what is best for you.
I live alone and it suits me perfectly. When I go shopping, I have brief chats in the street and the shops, and that's enough for me.
 
I have not been in a dating relationship in almost 15 years. I love living alone but read so much about seniors being socially isolated and how it’s not healthy. I choose to move to a new state after retirement and now I just have two out of state friends I text or call several times a week but no new friends or relatives in my new state. My only son is relocating to South America with his family in the spring. Other than my dogs and cat, I will truly be alone. I do plan to try to find some volunteer opportunities later on this year. Unfortunately, I live in a smaller town and the senior center sucks as far as activities.

I wonder if online communications count as social interaction for mental health? I’ll keep trying to meet people and hoping to get out there more in 2025.
Welcome to our forum Tina. You have outlined quite descriptively where you are at in life. You mentioned that you text and call your two friends several times a week, that's commendable, staying in touch is the next best thing to actually meeting up. I hope that your son and his family also remember to keep in touch, emailing you update photos of your grandchildren.

You mentioned your cat and dog, how our pets can give so much love, and your dog will need exercise so that will get you out daily.

You have obviously thought about your future carefully, even to the point of asking strangers on a forum for opinions. Do keep in touch with us, even if it's just to read comments. The threads cover a spectrum of subjects from the serious to the frivolous, they can inform, warn and amuse. We are here to help or just share that moment of frustration. Looking forward to seeing you posting.
 
I ran into this yesterday while surfing. I feel like this short essay be George Orwell describes this experience we have of feeling alone and needing connections with others.

George Orwell once said: “The most terrible loneliness is not the kind that comes from being alone, but the kind that comes from being misunderstood.”
It’s the kind of loneliness that doesn’t come from silence, but from the overwhelming noise of a world that doesn’t truly hear you. You stand in a room full of people, laugh when it’s expected, speak when the moment demands it, and yet, in your heart, you feel invisible. You feel like the truest parts of yourself—the raw, unpolished, and beautifully complex pieces of who you are—go unnoticed, misunderstood, or even ignored.
This is a different kind of ache, one that lives deep in the soul. It’s not about missing someone’s presence, but about missing connection, longing for the kind of bond that allows you to feel truly seen. It’s not the absence of love, but the absence of recognition—of being known for all that you are, without needing to filter or edit yourself to fit into someone else’s understanding.
To be misunderstood is to feel disconnected. It’s like speaking a language no one around you understands, shouting your truth into the void, hoping someone will hear and respond. Instead, you’re met with blank stares, polite nods, or worse, a misinterpretation of who you are. The world seems to focus only on the surface, skimming over your depths, while you yearn for someone to dive in and swim beside you.
In these moments, you may question yourself. You may wonder, “Is there something wrong with me?” or, “Should I change to make others understand?” You might be tempted to reshape yourself to fit their expectations, to dull your edges or brighten your colors. But even then, the loneliness doesn’t fade. Because in trying to conform, you lose pieces of yourself, slowly becoming a shadow of who you once were—a ghost of your former self.
The truest ache of loneliness isn’t about being alone; it’s about feeling unseen.
To feel truly understood by someone is to experience a connection that goes beyond words. It’s when someone looks into your eyes and sees the parts of you that you’ve kept hidden—the scars, the dreams, the doubts—and chooses to stay. It’s when someone not only hears your words but also feels the emotions behind them. It’s the moment when you realize you don’t have to explain yourself; they already understand.
And yet, in this deep loneliness, there is strength. The resilience of holding onto your authenticity, even when it feels invisible to others. The quiet courage of refusing to fade into the expectations of the crowd. You may feel unseen, but the essence of who you are—the light, the fire, the complexity—is still alive. It waits, patiently, for the right people, the ones who will see you clearly and cherish all that you are.
The beauty of being misunderstood is that it allows you to understand yourself. In the absence of connection, you learn to be your own anchor. You discover the importance of nurturing your own soul, celebrating your uniqueness, and staying true to your essence. And as you grow, as you embrace your full self, the world begins to shift.
The right connections—the ones that see you for who you truly are—arrive when you least expect them. They see beyond the surface and into your heart. They listen, not just with their ears but with their soul. These are the connections that remind you that you were never meant to fade; you were meant to shine.
So, even in the depths of this terrible loneliness, hold on to your essence. Refuse to disappear. Let your light burn brightly, even if no one seems to notice right now. The people who are meant to see it—your people—will find you. And when they do, you’ll realize that the wait, the ache, and the loneliness were all part of a journey to something extraordinary.
To be known, truly known, is to be celebrated in your wholeness. It is the antidote to loneliness.
Hold on. Shine on. You are seen, even if not by the world yet.
~ George Orwell
 


Back
Top