Are you Jealous? Envious?

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applecruncher

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Jealousy is such an unpleasant emotion. I can remember the first time I left it – it was when my mother brought my baby brother home from the hospital. Everyone was paying attention to him, so I went an got my doll. (I saw my niece go thru the same thing when her brother arrived.) Then in high school my on/off bf used to give me the cold shoulder and flirt/dance with other girls. That made me jealous, and hurt me.

But I think there is a difference between jealousy and envy. Dictionaries say that envy involves longing, discontent, and even resentment. Meh. I don’t think that’s always true. Jealousy is often accompanied by hatred (imo).

However, I’m not a jealous person. Envious? Yes!

I envy people who have had easy, happy childhoods and good, loving relationships with families who have stayed together.

I envy people who stayed in college, got their degree in 4 yrs or less, got good jobs they liked, and stayed on course their entire working lives.

I envy people who have never had any health/medical problems.

I envied my mother because:
1) she always made the best of a tough situation
2) she had a smile and a kind word for everyone
3) she always forgave people who hurt her…her husbands, children, siblings, co-workers (she could not stay mad very long)
4) she would give you her last nickel if it would help you
5) a bad meal never came out of her kitchen
6) she was always perfectly made up, coiffed, and nicely dressed (a very pretty woman)
7) she was strong in ways I never have been and never will be

At an aunt’s funeral, my cousin got up and spoke and he said he had never had an argument with either of his parents – never. I envy that, and I cannot make that claim.

I envy people who own beautiful, spacious homes and lots of acres of well-maintained land

I am envious of a relative who earns in excess of $1M/year. I admire that; he has worked hard.

But jealous? No.
You?
 

I'm comfortable with what I have and maybe even proud because I did it all on my own.

I'm not jealous nor envy people for what they have.

But I like to fantasize about winning the lottery and buying a nice cabin cruiser.
 
I've learned that it's silly to envy others. We often see them from the outside, who knows what burdens these people actually have? I guess the people I'm jealous of fit into three categories

More money than they possibly need. I'll be eating cat food in old age.
People with deep connections to their adult children. Two of mine gave up on us and one is cognitively about six.
People blessed with good health into their very senior years. Hubby is 58 and barely toddling along there.
But enough about my day...
 

Jealous,no, envious yes. I envy people who had parents who loved and protected them, and gave the a good childhood. Heck, I envy those who had a childhood at all. I also envy people who are more or less "normal." I carry my experiences with me, and no matter my achievements, forays into therapy, or self actualisation, I will always walk with an emotional limp.
 
Linda said:
Shalimar, add my hug to Shirley's.

I don't think I feel envious or jealousy of others but who knows.
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Add my hugs too, Shalimar.

I never feel jealousy but I do feel envy of others who have all the wealth and ease I wish I had, but I always try to put a positive spin on this and learn what I can do to be more successful, to achieve my goals and to feel fulfilled. It helps not to feel helpless about something. If you feel like you're in control you won't feel jealousy or envy. Those emotions are tied to a feeling of hopelessness and that is something anyone can change at any age.
 
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Shalimar said:
Jealous,no, envious yes. I envy people who had parents who loved and protected them, and gave the a good childhood. Heck, I envy those who had a childhood at all. I also envy people who are more or less "normal." I carry my experiences with me, and no matter my achievements, forays into therapy, or self actualisation, I will always walk with an emotional limp.
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**Ditto** .......


......and I envy those who live with no physical pain!!
 
I envy families whose children have a father, whether he spends enough time with them or not, whether they're divorced or not...at least they know he's out there somewhere. When I hear a mom or children complain about the dad being too late or too busy, I think to myself, "if they only knew what it's like not to have one at all". My children were ages 1, 2, 4, and 6 when their father died…poof…instantly…never to be seen nor heard from again. To this day, in their 30's, they miss their father daily and feel a little lost without his guidance and just want to talk to him. They want his advice.

.
 
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Hugs to your children Lara and to you. That certainly was tough on the kids but also on you! You've kept your sanity remarkably well and I'm sure your children appreciated your strength for them through all those years without a father.
 
I once thought I was envious of others, then I looked back upon my accomplishments and have come to realize my life has been pretty darn good too. I have been blessed in many ways and some of those ways may not suit others but they sure suited me.
Jealous mmmm no that is an evilness I steer clear of, it's a wasted kind of negative energy I choose to not subscribe to :)
I however, maybe, slightly "over admire" sometimes lol.
 
fureverywhere said:
I've learned that it's silly to envy others. We often see them from the outside, who knows what burdens these people actually have? I guess the people I'm jealous of fit into three categories

More money than they possibly need. I'll be eating cat food in old age.
People with deep connections to their adult children. Two of mine gave up on us and one is cognitively about six.
People blessed with good health into their very senior years. Hubby is 58 and barely toddling along there.
But enough about my day...
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Oh geeze, don't eat cat food, disgusting and who knows what's in there. Try lentils instead. Much better for you.

Sorry about the kids, sorry about your husband and I certainly hear you about what feels like unfairness that some have more money than they'll ever need.
 
Lara said:
I envy families whose children have a father, whether he spends enough time with them or not, whether they're divorced or not...at least they know he's out there somewhere. When I hear a mom or children complain about the dad being too late or too busy, I think to myself, "if they only knew what it's like not to have one at all". My children were ages 1, 2, 4, and 6 when their father died…poof…instantly…never to be seen nor heard from again. To this day, in their 30's, they miss their father daily and feel a little lost without his guidance and just want to talk to him. They want his advice.

.
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My mom was a single mom too (but with only two living kids) so I know how it must have looked to your kids as they grew up watching you struggle. I'm so in awe of women who somehow manage to do such a hard job and survive those dark days! I salute you and your strength Lara and same for any of you other ladies who went through that! You're all superheroes for sure!
 
My husbands mother in law had a nervous breakdown when he was about 6 or 8 and he remembers his dad taking him to the Boys Home in Montreal and telling him that the cement paved and 10 foot high chain link fence surrounding it was going to be his new yard to play in. Then he left him there for two years (the first time). Adults have problems or screw up or just plain don't care and the kids pay. So sad.


Ooops, sorry for triple post folks. But I blame all of you, too many interesting comments that tickle my memories and things surface that I just know you want to hear, ;)! Right????
 
I have always embraced envy over jealousy.

I remember my mom coming home from the hospital with bundles of joy... four of them to be exact, that's after I was born, but even before I was old enough to help with their care, mom had me involved. I ran for clean diapers, held the pins for my mom at changing time, fetched bottles, soothers, ran washcloths under the bathroom sink and wrung them out (when needed), whisked wet and dirty diapers off to the bathroom to put in the toilet or diaper pail, held my siblings, burped them after their feedings, etc.

Really had a way of making me feel needed, appreciated, and grown up.

Fast-forward to when my own children came along, I had my own children repeat all that my mom had me do when my siblings were babies, and it did them good, no one every felt left out or hard done by.

Growing up poor, all the kids always had way more things and nicer things than I ever dreamed of having, but being mature for my age I never allowed it to crush me, I just kept on - keeping on, and somehow got through those formative years.

Neighbours were all way more well-off compared to us, and I remember how I would dream that one day my mom and dad would be able to afford and drive a brand spanking new vehicle like all the neighbours did. That dream never happened, but in many ways when I look back on it now, aside from me never feeling jealous, it made me a stronger person, and because everything I had, I worked for, it made me appreciate all that I had earned that much more. Always took care of all that I had.

Never had anything given to me... earned absolutely everything I had.
 

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