Why do we have the need for others to be like us?

Gardenlover said:
I've never understood it, a world without differences is like a garden without colors.
Click to expand...

I think it's because of a few things, led by a rise in the level of intolerance. Far too many people look for reasons to be offended, or for differences, in order to have a bit of hating. For example (and it's just an example), the idea that an immigrant that comes into a country must learn the current culture, while never ever wondering if we could learn something from THEM. Perhaps our culture needs improving?

But most of all, we've been sold the idea of hating on "other". The difference between us, and other, can be huge or small. It doesn't really matter. Without fear of other we'd have a very different world. A better world. IMO.
 
Ronni said:
Do I tend to gravitate towards folks with whom I share some degree of commonality? Yes I do. I think that’s just a facet of interpersonal relationships. A shared interest is what creates groups, whether that group is a couple, a friendship, a family, a book club, a political party etc.
Click to expand...

yes I agree - that is just human nature and common sense - no good me joining, say, a fishing group, when I have zero interest in fishing.

so people in groups I am part of do at least have the one group thing in common - eg the sport or activity or work or family connections of the group

However that doesnt mean everything else about the people has to be the same - somebody could be from a different race/culture/age/religion/other interests etc to me and we are still both part of a dog training club.
 

This thread has got me thinking and with your leave I'm going to go off on a different tangent.

It does require telling a couple of tales to set the scene.

My daughter has been doing quite a bit of traveling overseas lately taking in part of USA, Canada, the UK and some European capitals. She encountered some very loud Americans who complained loudly because Europe was different to their homeland. She hated the fact that in England cars travel on the LH side of the road and extra care needed to be exercised when crossing the road. Also, she could not understand why the locals didn't speak "American". When someone suggested that she meant to say "speak English" she doubled down. "No! I mean AMERICAN!"

My daughter observed that a lot of US citizens on cruise ships have similar attitudes.

Don't get me wrong; I have also travelled quite a lot and have met many wonderful Americans who are erudite, genial and very funny. The ugly American has an Australian counterpart, the loud ocker Aussie.

I don't want to be like either of the obnoxious stereotypes. Perhaps they exist to help us to examine ourselves and if we don't like what we see we are motivated to be quite different. On the other hand, when we find ourselves in the company of people we admire, we often seek to be more like them. Notice that I've turned this around - I don't want people to be like me. Heaven forbid that because I think that could be Hell on Earth.

I do like the garden analogy of a previous post. A garden that is a monoculture is less interesting than a living forest with emergent trees at the top, vines and epiphytes, shrubs, ferns and fungi growing below the forest giants. So much more alive than a plantation of pine trees.

I'm all for "vive la difference!"
 
Last edited:
Think of it this way, when we are young and inexperienced we copy authoritative people, parents etc to learn how to survive. At some point in our lives we think we know it all and it is time for people to act us for a change because we are old and wise. God’s gift to all mankind. That’s us!
 
Maybe we should all toughen up and tell each other how we really feel?
F$&? Yeah!
then we should all reconvene and apologize for being so childish.
 
The thread title, phrased as a question, suggests that we all have the need for others to be like us. Some people have that need; some do not.

We must accept that there will always be differences between ourselves and others, but if we have a goal of sustaining a meaningful friendship with others, it is more easily achieved when both parties share common values and interests, as expressed here.
 
Gardenlover said:
I've never understood it, a world without differences is like a garden without colors.
Click to expand...
Simple, I think. We're so much easier to control if we're all the same, believe the same thing, parrot the same narrative. Controlling the population would be my guess.

If you mean on an individual level, it's more comfortable, I guess.
:unsure:
 
This is a good question. Maybe it's comfort and acceptance. I like people from everywhere with different ideas. However as an introvert, I'm more comfortable around other introverts than loud out going people.
 
Never thought about this. But I've never really felt belonging anywhere so I guess I'm just existing as I can.
 

You must log in or register to reply here.

Back
Top