Outliving Family Members Is So Depressing

Paladin1950

Paladin1950

Still love 50's & 60's music!
Location
Mohawk Valley, NY
Do you often get depressed when you think of all of your family and friends that have passed on? I know I don't enjoy the holidays so much anymore. My biggest fear is outliving family that is younger than me. June 2020, my younger brother Jim passed away of a heart attack at 57. That hurt in so many ways.

As we get older we brace ourselves for the day that parents, grandparents, and elder siblings pass on. But we never think about younger siblings dying. I know it happens, but we don't think about it as much. As you get older, the deaths get more numerous. Between 2018-2021, has been bad.
2018- My long time supervisor in another facility, died of congested heat failure, at 62.
2019- My landlady (a long time friend of the family since the 1940's), died at 93.
2020- My younger brother passed on.
2021- My aunt passed away in the nursing home where I work at 101.

Actually working in a nursing home, does prepare you when people die. Some of the residents that I have known over the years, were like family to me. You really get to love these people. There is one female resident that I'm really attached to. She's 94 or so. So one day soon, that hurt will come back unfortunately.
 

Paladin1950 said:
Do you often get depressed when you think of all of your family and friends that have passed on? I know I don't enjoy the holidays so much anymore. My biggest fear is outliving family that is younger than me. June 2020, my younger brother Jim passed away of a heart attack at 57. That hurt in so many ways.

As we get older we brace ourselves for the day that parents, grandparents, and elder siblings pass on. But we never think about younger siblings dying. I know it happens, but we don't think about it as much. As you get older, the deaths get more numerous. Between 2018-2021, has been bad.
2018- My long time supervisor in another facility, died of congested heat failure, at 62.
2019- My landlady (a long time friend of the family since the 1940's), died at 93.
2020- My younger brother passed on.
2021- My aunt passed away in the nursing home where I work at 101.

Actually working in a nursing home, does prepare you when people die. Some of the residents that I have known over the years, were like family to me. You really get to love these people. There is one female resident that I'm really attached to. She's 94 or so. So one day soon, that hurt will come back unfortunately.
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Sorry you are dealing with so much death. Try keeping the loving memories you have of them alive and healthy. Death is part of life.
I hope you find peace.
 
Hardly any of my extended family are still alive. I've also lost many friends and lovers over the years. And I have always lived in terror of losing my son, who is now 59 and was born with a serious neurological condition. A few years ago my youngest cousin died of cancer ; she was in her early 50s, jogged daily, lived the healthiest lifestyle of all my cousins. It is all so depressing, yes.
 

I've had a number of friends die when I was a young man (Late teens, early twenties) and I still wonder where they would be today if not for so many bad choices, done when we thought we were immortal. The thoughts don't come as often, but there are still triggers.
 
That's one thing my mother did not like to talk about.She outlived everybody but her younger sister. She was the oldest of the whole family.

She especially was depressed when her last brother passed. She was 63 then, her brother was 60 and was an invalid in a nursing home after 3 heart attacks 3 strokes. Mom passed at 84, her younger sister at 91.

Kind of incredible to realize that I've lived longer than any of my uncles did.
 
When my uncle died from an auto accident, it about finished off my grandmother.

She lost all joy in life. She just said that no one was supposed to outlive their children. That was the start to her downhill journey.

I knew that at some point I was going to lose family and friends and I was "accepting" of those who died at a later age, but it was rough unexpectedly losing my husband when he was only 60, one sister at 66 (to a drunk driver) and another sister at 74.

I'm 77 now and fully expect to start losing family and friends at an excellerated rate now.
 
When I think of those I outlived It goes back to around 5 years of age.
Rock on Ronnie 6! I remember asking My mom "Where is Ronnie at the burial site.
So much talk about Ronnie, no Ronnie,

I remember running to his mom That awful day and telling
her something terrible happened down at the bridge over the Crick.
The tractor with those Three, 11, 8, & 6 years of age were going over
it to bring in the Milk Cows. 2 survived because I warned her.

I had heard a terrible noise but couldn't see the Tractor. I couldn't go with
them, my dad ordered me, no riding on tractors till I say so. They wanted me
with them, It was so hard to watch them go away from.

Rock on Terry 14. Rock on Derron & Joe, 17.

25, rock on Dennis. Wonderful wife and child !
Rock on Darell, and all my schoolteachers, Parents and M's & F's in law.,

Rock on my first kind bosses after School.
So many kind people I had the honor of knowing and good relationships with. Rock on!

Many whom I have worked with, rock on wild bunch.

I can name dozens of my close. Some died violently. One lost his hips in Vietnam.
One his truck hit a mine, a flames it was. Rock on buddies.

Rock on all of you guys & Gals.
The Insanity of young deaths. There is only Kindness left to hold to.
 
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Paladin1950 said:
Do you often get depressed when you think of all of your family and friends that have passed on? I know I don't enjoy the holidays so much anymore. My biggest fear is outliving family that is younger than me. June 2020, my younger brother Jim passed away of a heart attack at 57. That hurt in so many ways.

As we get older we brace ourselves for the day that parents, grandparents, and elder siblings pass on. But we never think about younger siblings dying. I know it happens, but we don't think about it as much. As you get older, the deaths get more numerous. Between 2018-2021, has been bad.
2018- My long time supervisor in another facility, died of congested heat failure, at 62.
2019- My landlady (a long time friend of the family since the 1940's), died at 93.
2020- My younger brother passed on.
2021- My aunt passed away in the nursing home where I work at 101.

Actually working in a nursing home, does prepare you when people die. Some of the residents that I have known over the years, were like family to me. You really get to love these people. There is one female resident that I'm really attached to. She's 94 or so. So one day soon, that hurt will come back unfortunately.
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2021 - to date has been good.
 
It's getting depressing heh?? who's going next? most of my extended family members I've long lost touch with - not wot it used to be like heh? close knit and everything? no one told me the end was gonna be like this - that one bright spot on the cine screen that we all wait to see fizzle out?
 
astralcat said:
By outliving family members, you should not be depressed ā€“ sad at the loss and grieve that they are no longer here, yes, but not depressed. You are still here for a reason ā€“ make the most of it ā€“ help to pave the way for the next generation.
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I did not mean for that like to have happened. That was a terrible thing to say to grieving family members astralcat.
Hurtful . I know you meant well but so much meaning of our humanity is about grief & depression is a part of it.
Dealing with those feeling are not easy, and much of it depends on specifics. Some are not easily passed off. I remember
My best friend coming down the stairs from his room with his ball glove to play us 6 infielders. I was the designated batter.

The next morning he died rushing to get ready for School on those same stairs.

30 minutes or so and I can heal. but right this minute it's still feal that awful pain, closure sure but memory still remains.

If he had survived we might talk about those afternoons we could meet at our places and play some ball together.

Maybe we would now live 1000's of miles apart and just chat online? I have no reason to believe any other option. ... :coffee: ...
 
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Survival is the best choice. That's if one has a decent lifestyle & can enjoy being alive.
So many have such an incredible pain burden to bare. So many dying these past weeks
from cancers.

Surviving until their 70's / 80's but in such a miserable a way.
 
While it is hardly the same thing at all, I can feel depressed "touring" places where I used to live via Google Maps.

So much has changed, been paved over and built up. Roads don't go where they used to, farms and orchards are now gone. Not a trace of either grandparents' homes.
 
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