Jazzy1
Got A Cracker?
- Location
- Adirondack Region NY
How do you think it’s affected you as an adult?
I have the same opinion.I’m sure that every kid has a bag of crap that they drag through life before they are finally able to make peace and let it go.
IF they were able to make peace and let it go...unfortunately the complexities of how our parents shaped us are often never "figured out." Mine were pretty affectionate but dysfunctional in other ways...I can see some of the hangups in myself even now in my old age. I've made peace (mostly) by thinking that they were doing the best they knew how given their own life experiences....but the dysfunction rears its ugly head now and then.My parents showed their affection towards us but were constantly in an alcohol fueled war with each other.
As a result it did skew my thinking about relationships, love, sex, marriage, etc…
When I grew up and was able to view things from an adult point of view things made more sense but it wasn’t a great environment for a child.
I’m sure that every kid has a bag of crap that they drag through life before they are finally able to make peace and let it go.
One of my favorite poems (yes, I know it's irreverent and probably violates some rule here but I couldn't resist):Mine were never affectionate at all, never a touch. Only arguments toward everyone. But they appreciated their hard work and resented their kids, who were not grateful enough. It's a long story with nasty consequences.
I don't remember great displays of affection. Like hearlady, they were kind, and always available.My parents were not what I would call affectionate. I knew they loved me and took care of me but not many displays of affection. They were kind.
No. Especially father. He couldn't stand hugging or being lovable. He would get mad and smack me away from him. Even into adulthood. Mom was a little but not much. My brother was her baby and she fawned all over him all the time.How do you think it’s affected you as an adult?
When my mom died I found this poem in its entirety (it's much longer) with her stuff. Never knew how to interpret this.One of my favorite poems (yes, I know it's irreverent and probably violates some rule here but I couldn't resist):
They "F" you up, your mom and dad
They do not mean to, but they do
They fill you up with faults they had
And add some extra just for you
There's also their own family histories; once I knew my mother's story it all became clear.Both my parents worked hard to provide food, clothing and shelter, so it's not like they did nothing for me. But I can't ever recall being hugged by either. Now, I'm pretty much the same way.
I'm beginning to wonder maybe my parents were the way they were, is because of their genetic makeup- which I now have?
That's interesting....sounds like she understood where her "hangups/neuroses?" came from ... and perhaps how she had passed them along? It really is just karma - cause and effect....often pretty clear...sometimes complex though and hard to "unpack."When my mom died I found this poem in its entirety (it's much longer) with her stuff. Never knew how to interpret this.
Mom never said "I love you" or any of the other indications that she cared. Except at Christmas, you got $40-$100.How do you think it’s affected you as an adult?