Truth or Fiction: the very thing that attracted you, will likely be what ends you

IrishEyes

IrishEyes

Timoc - I am Sharon
Location
Midwest
I have heard this saying quite a bit in my life.
That what attracted a person to a mate would be "the" or "a" reason the relationship ends.
I know it was true in one relationship I was in
how about you?
 

From my observation, couples do best when they share common traits, core values and beliefs. We did not, and I take the blame. I was too immature and unprepared to settle down at the time we got married. And so, the early years were a struggle that could have ended our relationship, but thankfully we finally got on the same page and made it through.
 

I will explain the relationship I referred to. A co-worker and I began to date and stated he admired very much
my relationship with my sons. He never had a close one with his parents and he commented on it all the time.
He wanted to have the same with his daughters. But he didn't consider he was not me and a very different person.
He became jealous eventually of the close relationship of my sons and I then in so many words told me to choose.
So , I did. I had enough love for all but he wanted it all basically.
 
Similar beliefs go back to biblical times.

IMO it’s just a simple way of explaining something that we do not understand or care to admit to ourselves about ourselves.

moths_to_a_flame.jpg
 
@Aunt Bea ... I was the moth! lol .....

I was married to my first husband for 20 years and had 2 children together. It was a roller coaster relationship, and in the end -- it did not work out.

@IrishEyes Several things that initially attracted me to him turned out to be very bad things for us in the long run!
For young girls, Bad Boys can be very attractive --- but in the long run, not so much.


I think @MACKTEXAS is very correct --- "couples do best when they share common traits, core values and beliefs."
 
CaliS said:
For young girls, Bad Boys can be very attractive --- but in the long run, not so much.
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Yes, this is almost a truism. But this will go on and on. The girls don't learn from the experience of their older sisters, mothers or aunts.
You can't persuade another person that he/she is wrong. They won't believe it. They must try it and fail. And not even then they learn from it. No, they do it again. I know several examples.
 
George1959 said:
Yes, this is almost a truism. But this will go on and on. The girls don't learn from the experience of their older sisters, mothers or aunts.
You can't persuade another person that he/she is wrong. They won't believe it. They must try it and fail. And not even then they learn from it. No, they do it again. I know several examples.
Click to expand...

Well, George - I did learn from my mistake.

I was lucky to meet a very nice man later in life and we are very happy together. He is NOTHING like my first husband. We have a lot in common and share the same core values. And, while he is kind, honest, hard working and a good person - he is in NO way boring!!

I agree that many young girls are unable to learn from other's and have to make their own mistakes. That is true for almost everyone. Also true, that some folks seem to make the same mistakes over and over. Thankfully, not me. ;)
 
IrishEyes said:
I have heard this saying quite a bit in my life.
That what attracted a person to a mate would be "the" or "a" reason the relationship ends.
I know it was true in one relationship I was in
how about you?
Click to expand...
I married my wife mostly for her body. She passed away just after our 45th anniversary. The very night she passed away as she laÿ in her death bed I found myself admiring her body. I often told her that I married her for her body and she would thank me with warmth and an affectionate smile. The glue that held us together for almost a half century to was lust for each other.
 
I've had several long term relationships in my life. I was always attracted to the "needy" types, probably because I wanted to feel wanted. A couple of them ended because I felt they took advantage of my kindness and ended the relationship. When I met my husband, he didn't need me, he wanted me for me. Unfortunately towards the end of his life, he needed me and I was glad I could be there for him.
 
MACKTEXAS said:
From my observation, couples do best when they share common traits, core values and beliefs. We did not, and I take the blame. I was too immature and unprepared to settle down at the time we got married. And so, the early years were a struggle that could have ended our relationship, but thankfully we finally got on the same page and made it through.
Click to expand...
When we're young (generically speaking) a lot of kids are attracted to someone not so much as themselves because opposite attracts. I fell in that category. As we get older, that attraction gets old and we start to prefer someone more like ourselves. That's our comfortable zone. That's how I felt when I met my husband. Our dispositions and values were a lot a like. Had we met when we were younger, we probably wouldn't have been attracted to each other.
 
CaliS said:
Well, George - I did learn from my mistake.

I was lucky to meet a very nice man later in life and we are very happy together. He is NOTHING like my first husband. We have a lot in common and share the same core values. And, while he is kind, honest, hard working and a good person - he is in NO way boring!!

I agree that many young girls are unable to learn from other's and have to make their own mistakes. That is true for almost everyone. Also true, that some folks seem to make the same mistakes over and over. Thankfully, not me. ;)
Click to expand...
I think our past experiences makes us appreciate future experiences.
 
Jules said:
When we were still dating, I told my aunt that he was too immature. She assured me that once we were married he would settle down. I valued her advice; she was wrong that time.
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Hugsss tight! If only we had a crystal ball!

We can watch for red flags, listen to our elders, do everything right - and still end up in a bad situation. :(
 

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