Wishing you a Happy Birthday when your child or spouse has passed away

L

LoveTulips

Senior Member
Location
British Columbia, Canada
Would you wish someone a Happy Birthday if someone close had died in your family a couple of months ago? I wouldn't want anyone to wish me a Happy Birthday after my spouse died or my child died. This has happened in two private FB groups that I'm a part of. And it's not just a couple of people, a whole lot of people wishing the owners of the FB groups happy birthday.
 

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I believe everyone – family, friends, understand when someone are grieving and would not purposefully wish them happiness on that day. I would simply acknowledge their birthday by telling them this must be an incredibly difficult day for them and that I am here for them and perhaps do something low key to let them know they matter and that I am thinking about them.
 
My sister always puts photos of my parents up on Facebook to wish them a Happy Birthday. I couldn't do that as I like to remember them the way they were when they passed, I told my boys to never put my face there.
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I try to appreciate any encouragement, well-wishing or whatever good tidings from anyone at any time...
still, there is a lot to be said for discernment towards decorum... but that seems to be a lost art more and
more these days.
But I'm not going to fault anyone, overly much, for trying to be kind.
 
LoveTulips said:
Would you wish someone a Happy Birthday if someone close had died in your family a couple of months ago? I wouldn't want anyone to wish me a Happy Birthday after my spouse died or my child died.
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I think this is one of those "damned if you do, damned if you don't" situations.

Personally...
After a couple of months, I would think it nice to be remembered on my birthday.
Much better than being ignored or forgotten!
 
My father died on November 13 in the last century. I have my birthday almost two weeks later. I wouldn't mind, if somebody wishes me a Happy Birthday such a short time later, but I wouldn't do it in case of other people.
 
@That Lady in PA, you summed it up very well.

Sadly, life goes on & you can either live in the past or go forward. I don't want my family to live in the past & continue to grieve because there isn't anything that is going to change that I'm not there. They should feel free to enjoy a day that is meant for them.

If someone took time to think about me & wish me a Happy Birthday after someone passing in my family, I would appreciate their effort & kindness.
 
This first year in 51 years I can’t light a candle me this way she will have 10 for my grandma Rose. My DIL who is RC will do it for me instead at her church. Although Grandma was Jewish it was Christians who helped her flee the coming pogrom.
Anyway I light candles for those not here on their BDs and anniversary of death individually and for all on Yom Kipper including cats.
If I ask DIL to remember me this same way she will.
 
I send cards for birthdays. I would look for one with an appropriate message, like "Thinking of You On Your Birthday," not a funny card, or one that said something insensitive like, "Hope this will be your happiest birthday ever." [I remember getting one like that after my wife died.] There have been times when I could not find a birthday card I felt comfortable with, so I chose a blank card with a nice picture on the front, and wrote my own note.

The same awkward situation can arise when it's time to send Christmas cards. There have been times that someone on my list has had a recent death in the family. I keep several Christmas stock cards on hand that have different winter scenes on the front but no inside text, so I can write my own message in that case. I also buy regular Christmas cards that do have a standard Christmas message inside. Those go out to most people on my list.

I don't want to forget people just because they've had a great unhappiness arise in their life. That's the time they need to be remembered the most.
 

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