How to decline an invitation gracefully

AprilSun

AprilSun

Senior Member
How do you get out of going to a family gathering when you don't have a good excuse? My family including cousins are meeting at a restaurant for lunch and I just don't care anything about going this time. It was just 2 weeks ago that this same group except for 2 gathered at one of their houses. I just don't want to go this time but I don't know how to get out of it without hurting feelings or lying and I'm not going to lie. They are wanting an answer now so they can get a "head count" to give the restaurant. My family is the type that if you don't do something, questions are asked. They want to know, WHY didn't you go, etc. It's like you're "expected" to go regardless if you want to or not. So it's not as simple as just not showing up. How do you handle this sort of thing?
 

Simply answer, "I'm sorry but I am unable to attend, refer any questions to my counsel who is out of the country for about a month."
 
I hope I don't offend you here, but maybe its time they became adults and just accepted your wishes for what they are.
Its not a crime to say "I had a great time a couple of weeks ago. I love you all very much. I'm just a bit tired and want some time to relax and do my own thing."
 

You have to tell a white lie, unless you want to be really truthful and tell them you don't want to get together again so soon. I'd just say that I'd rather not come, and if they ask why, just say I'm not up to it, that's all. They should just accept that answer, it's rude of them if they press you harder for specifics.
 
I have received an email asking if I'm going and I just said, "No, not this time" and didn't give a reason. Now we wait for the questions. :( Maybe I SHOULD tell them “If I don’t stay home and do laundry I will literally have to go naked and you don't want me to do that, do you?” and see how they react to that. ;)
Thanks everyone for your comments and Underock1, no, you didn't offend me so don't worry about that.
 
Like SB said, just say you're not up to it. That's essentially the truth.

If you think they will press for details and don't want to hurt their feelings-
LIE!

I think it's one or the other.
 
Usually if I say I've made other plans, they ask "what". They are also very nosey. I'll come up with something because I refuse to go!!!!
 
I like # 22.
Lather, rinse, repeat (if necessary) until it sinks in.
Works for me everytime. No excuses, lies, or details necessary.

"I just don't want to. Thanks, anyway."
 
I'd just say No, I'm not in the mood to be around people today. Or, I feel like I need some alone time, I'd be pretty cranky if I showed up and you don't want that. Or if it wouldn't hurt anyone's feelings, I better not, today I think I'd rather look a cow in the behind than a person in the face. (I've never used that last excuse but I always remember it cause a man who owned a small gas station/store next door to us up in Oregon, said that.)
 
^^ :laugh: Linda

Seriously, though, Butterfly said:
I HATE when people try to push me into going to things I don't want to go to.
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So do I. But in order for pushy people to be successful they have to have the cooperation and permission of their targets. Stop giving it to them and they will stop pushing.
 
AprilSun said:
I have received an email asking if I'm going and I just said, "No, not this time" and didn't give a reason.
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This was a mistake. I was called this morning by the one that thinks "I should go" to these events. I didn't mention it but of course she brought it up. After she tells me how much fun they had she said someone asked where I was at. Her response to them was, "She didn't want to come". She was right, I didn't but I didn't tell her I didn't want to go. For all she knows, I could have had other plans that I didn't want to discuss with her. I just thought it was very rude and inconsiderate of her to tell him that especially when she was "assuming" that was why. If there comes a time again that I don't want to go, I will say, "I have other plans". But, then I have to come up with something to say to her to "shut her up" because I'm not going to tell what my other plans will be. This lady is the type of person that if I say the moon is round, she will argue and say "No, it's not. It is square." That is the way she is.
 
AprilSun, IMHO, sometimes playing the probabilities just doesn't work. Sadly, there are pushy people that don't give a rat's ear what your reasons are for not doing what they want you to do. To them, word no is like a red flag to a bull. Not all of us are comfortable using aggressive tactics when dealing with such toxic persons. Bullies do not respond to reason either. My way

of dealing with such individuals, is to do or say what works for me--attempt to minimize fallout where possible, but if necessary, I have walked away on or offline from chronically contentious people. In the end, I still won't fall in line with their wishes against my will. That sort of compliance eats a hole in my self esteem. Not acceptable! Tussles, however distressing, upset me less.
 
Well, AprilSun, you certainly had every right in the world to just say no, as you did. Just because someone invites you somewhere does not in any scenario mean you have to go. If the other person has a problem with it, it's hers, not yours. Good for you for taking back your power and not knuckling under to demands of a controlling individual!
 
April you need a Bunbury in your life. In The Importance of Being Earnest Algernon(or was it Jack?) invented a friend called Bunbury who was always in need of his assistance whenever he received an invitation he didn't want to accept.
 
mitchezz said:
April you need a Bunbury in your life. In The Importance of Being Earnest Algernon(or was it Jack?) invented a friend called Bunbury who was always in need of his assistance whenever he received an invitation he didn't want to accept.
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Thanks everyone for your comments! I will never go anywhere just because she thinks I should. If I go, it will be because I want to or because I think I should. Mitchezz, I like your idea too!!!! Maybe I should name my TV or my crochet hook Jack, Joe, or something but make it a male name and then the next time this happens, tell her "I have a date with Jack"! That would give them something interesting to talk about at the event. ;)
 
That sounds like a great idea, AprilSun. Or just scream at them, 'leave me alone, leave me alone' and go running into the night. (lol)
 
AprilSun said:
Thanks everyone for your comments! I will never go anywhere just because she thinks I should. If I go, it will be because I want to or because I think I should. Mitchezz, I like your idea too!!!! Maybe I should name my TV or my crochet hook Jack, Joe, or something but make it a male name and then the next time this happens, tell her "I have a date with Jack"! That would give them something interesting to talk about at the event. ;)
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I like the way you think!
 
mitchezz said:
I like the way you think!
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LOL!!! I've been told a time or two that I'm "crazy", "mischievous", and then some call me "meanness" so take your pick. I just like to have fun with people but in a way that no one is hurt or have hard feelings about it. In this case, boy, would I get the questions but no one should be hurt and would have no right to get mad!!!!! :)
 

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